Why I like TV Newser and the Chicago Cubs

TV Newser will believe anything (and I do mean anything I or my flunkies tell them. I like that in a reporter.

This week at the RNC, the tone is different. Broadcasting & Cable's Joel Topcik notes MSNBC is, "pulling itself together and looking like a news network again." Of course, there's a major difference in the coverage this week — Keith Olbermann, their lead anchor, is in New York.

I love New York. It's where I function best.

MSNBC president Phil Griffin tells TVNewser how the decision was made for Olbermann to stay in New York. And it all began in Chicago. Griffin and Olbermann were at the Chicago Cubs game Saturday, separately.

What do you think I'd actually attend a game with Phil? Seriously, the guy's my bitch, not a friend.

Olbermann also went to Sunday's game and, during a morning email exchange, Griffin suggested Olbermann should go back to New York, instead of on to St. Paul. Olbermann responded "Seriously?"

Note he suggested. Not ordered me. No one orders me to do anything. Ever. Especially not Phil.

"I made the decision to send Keith back on Sunday, early afternoon. It looked like the storm was going to be the story in the beginning of the week and I needed him in the right position to own that story," Griffin tells TVNewser.

Okay Phil, you're on notice pal. And by pal, I mean, "my bitch". You don't decide anything about me that I don't decide first, got it? And we both know I did not want to go to either Louisiana to cover the hurricane first-hand or to the RNC. So naturally NYC was the best place for me to be.

But several insiders we talked to have questioned why Olbermann, who has attacked Republicans regularly on his show, was the only cable anchor covering the RNC from New York. Several sources inside NBC and MSNBC have told TVNewser there is truth to many of the stories that have been discussed, rumored and reported about Olbermann and Matthews over the past week.

Okay, here TV Newser is stepping over the line. They are quoting gossip websites and worthless tabloid rags which of course print lies about me because they're afraid of the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. But otherwise they are suck-ups and I love suck-ups. The suckier, the better. Watch how I've turned Chris Matthews into my bitch too. This guy better kiss my ass at every available turn if he knows what's good for him.

So, TVNewser asked Chris Matthews today in St. Paul. "We're complimentary first of all," Matthews says. "He's a broadcaster, I'm sort of a political guy, he's a broadcaster."

Chris forgot to add modification to that sentence. As in, "he's the greatest broadcaster in the history of the medium." Other than that, at least he was groveling. I love groveling. The more the better.

But do they truly get along? "He's very professional, very orderly in his way," Matthews says of Olbermann. "He operates in a very professional, predictable...well he's obviously a strong performer. But he obviously operates in a very orderly...and I don't mean this as a put-down but...predictable. He's a very strongly predicable person in the way of his professionalism. I'm uneven and, what's the right word, flamboyant and impulsive."

Notice how Chris didn't really answer the question that was put to him? And how TVN really didn't press them on the answer? I've taught them both well.

But Matthews tells TVNewser, "You gotta watch it. Don't you see that we get along? Forget the scuttle, don't you see how we get along? I think it's pretty obvious we get along."

Chris sounds almost pathetic there doesn't he? There's a reason for that. He is. But at least he knows whose ass he'd better kiss and that's mine. And that's all I really care about. That and baseball. What? Go home after the DNC? Hell no. There were baseball games to attend. And why the Cubs? Have you seen the Yankees play lately? I rest my case.