Lies. Lies. Lies.

Don't believe the lies people. Believe Keith Olbermann's Ego. Countdown and Keith Olbermann's Ego still rule cable broadcasting, idolized by millions hundreds of thousands.

It's Keith Olbermann's Birthday today

Happy Birthday to Keith Olbermann and his Ego too!

Keith Olbermann's Ego Runs MSNBC

Keith Olbermann's Ego runs owns MSNBC. Sure the Ego isn't listed as President of MSNBC. Officially, Phil Griffin holds that title. But longtime fans of The Ego know that Phil and The Ego go way, way, way back. The Ego has always been that little SOB's boss and for the record, still is.

But earlier this week it seems that Joe "How about that dead intern in my office" Scarborough decided to tweet about The Ego attacking nude-centerfold model turned GOP politican Brown soemthing or other (don't expect the Ego to remember specifics like full names of these neocons. Seen one, you've seen 'em all). Anyway where was I? Oh right. The Ego called Brown out for what he is: a sexist, racist, homophobic, porno-loving GOPer. Scarborough, in his official role as GOP apologist, decided to name-call The Ego in return. Naturally The Ego was not amused. So Phil "Butt Boy" Griffin had to issue this statement to all employees of MSNBC (except you know, to the Ego because the Ego of course really runs owns MSNBC.

We have many strong personalities with differing, passionate opinions, but it is important to remember that we are all on the same team. I want to reiterate my long-standing policy: We do not publicly criticize our colleagues. This kind of behavior is unprofessional and will not be tolerated. Let me be clear: I encourage you to keep doing what you do best. Give the viewers your perspective and a vigorous debate on the issues they care about. But do not turn substantive differences into personal ones.

Well said Phil. I couldn't have said it better had I written it myself (and The Ego doesn't like to brag but, well, The Ego may have written this statement. Just saying). Phil also further clarified The Ego's standing as owner of MSNBC when he told TV Newser:

"An important rule was broken. I spoke to Keith and he said in the spirit of teamwork and the free flow of ideas, he didn't think it warranted punishment or suspension. I also talked to Joe and he apologized to me," said the MSNBC president, adding, "That's why I made the decision that this didn't rise to the level of punishment, but I felt it was necessary to reiterate my long-standing policy."

See who thought that Scarborough's insult to The Ego didn't warrant punishment? The Ego. I so rule.

Gawker and Mediaite remain dead to Keith Olbermann's Ego

And for the record, both Gawker and Mediaite remain dead (and on the Ego's enemies list, natch) to the Ego. Clearly they do not get the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. Furthermore, they refuse to support The Ego and can't seem to refrain from openly criticizing The Ego. That is a no-no in the Ego's world. Minions, you know what this means: man (and woman) your battle stations! Flood those sites with pro-Ego comments immediately! Defend the Ego! That is your greatest duty to The Ego as a Keith Olbermann Fan. Now get let's get busy people--I mean what else do you have to do except defend the Ego?

Jon Stewart is Dead to Keith Olbermann's Ego

Keith Olbermann's Ego is sad to inform you that Jon Stewart and the Daily Show are now official enemies of Keith Olbermann's Ego. Why you ask? Because of this. Sir, how dare you mock the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego? Minions you know what to do: boycott The Daily Show immediately. Also, please inform Mr. Stewart that you do not appreciate his unwarranted attacks on The Ego. That is all.

Or not. As you can see, Keith Olbermann decided to make a statement to TVNewser. Note the sly slam at Stewart who simply does not compare to the statue of Academy Award Winning Actor (and screenwriter), Ben Affleck's impersonation of The Ego.

Research shows that Blondes feel entitled.

Like this is something Keith Olbermann's Ego hadn't already figured out after living with Katy Tur's Ego? Park Avenue apartment, not one but two jobs courtesy of Keith Olbermann's Ego, yes, The Ego has found out way more than he ever wanted to find out about how entitled blondes feel.

Happy Almost Birthday to Me

Keith Olbermann's Ego's Birthday is coming up. The Ego still likes to think of himself as a slim, trim 35, not the actual 51 that The Ego will be on 1/27. Anyway, The Ego knows that his fans love to shower him with gifts for his birthday. The Ego thought that he would provide you with some helpful hints to avoid buying loser birthday presents. Now where shall we begin?

Baseball Cards. That would be a negative. The Ego already has every baseball card ever made and do you honestly think that you mere mortals could hope to produce a card not already in The Ego's possession?

Playboy Magazines. The Ego already has a complete collection, but thanks for thinking of what The Ego likes to think about: naked women. If however, you are under the age of 25, and your measurements equal no more than 100 inches TOTAL (38-26-36 equals 100 ladies) and you have a face that won't stop a clock, then by all means, feel free to submit your photos to me for the Ego's personal enjoyment if you catch my drift. If you've got a butter face like most of Tiger Wood's rejects, then just send me the body shot instead. Then again, maybe something like this would be better altogether. They don't ask for half your fortune later.

Ties. Also a big no. The Ego has a very carefully color-coordinated wardrobe and given some of the ahem, interesting, choices made by fans in the past, The Ego does not want and will not wear your ugly-ass tie on air. Although The Ego is not ruling out using them for uhm, restraints.

Artwork Unless it's a signed original by a collectible artist or an authentic print again by a collectible artist, The Ego is not interested. This means no homemade shit that I've seen some of you posting on the internets. You make think you're Van Gogh but The Ego, having seen your artistic..uh..talents thinks it's more of a case of Van Gosh. And Van Don't. Please don't. Let The Ego re-emphasize that point. No homemade bumper stickers you think are clever. No photoshops. No reproductions of the Ego's likeness in Toast.

Food. The Ego will not accept any type of edible product unless it comes from a well-known third-party (Godiva) and arrives completely sealed for the Ego's protection. We do not want any repeat of the attempted-poisoning of The Ego that occurred a few yeas back.

Cologne. The Ego does not need to receive a box set of Old Spice or English Leather.

Books. Unless it's a signed first edition by a well-known author, again, The Ego is not interested. This goes double and triple for any books on baseball. Do you really think you're going to find a baseball book that The Ego doesn't already have in his possession and couldn't write better if he had been the author?

Bobbleheads. The Ego does like his Bobbleheads. But again, if you've got something you think is original and The Ego would like, it's already in the Ego's collection.

Anything Monty Python or A Christmas Story related. Please, if there's a valuable collectible of an Ego fav, don't you think that Keith Olbermann's Ego already has it and it is already placed in The Ego's archive along with the baseball cards and the old Playboy mags? I know, I know, you think you're special. You're different. You and you alone are capable of picking out a unique present for The Ego. Again, after many, many very bad presents, The Ego knows differently and would like to point out that these are the same post-menopausal, pathetic spinsters (that means over the age of 25) who also operate under the mistake delusion that they would make an ideal mate for The Ego. Again, WRONG.

Now that we've got the ground rules all squared away, The Ego would also like to remind you that he will not accept any gifts that come to his personal home address. Sure the address has been posted on the internets. I know you know where The Ego lives. That does not mean you're allowed to visit there or send mail to that address. Those who violate this rule will either be thrown in jail for stalking or your pathetic present will be thrown away without being opened. If you really think you have come up with a unique present, then by all means, send to The Ego's attention at 30 Rock in NYC. There The Ego has a team of willing interns who understand that it is their job to give their lives if necessary to protect The Ego by opening his mail and performing other assorted duties for the Ego.

Jay, Conan, or Keith Olbermann's Ego?

So apparently NBC is trying to either get rid of Conan O'Brien or push back his show and give Leno another shot in the 11:30 time slot. Or someone could end up going to Fox. Now normally The Ego would advise anyone against going to Fox but in this case, The Ego has an idea. Keith Olbermann's Ego believes that what NBC should do is give the Ego his own talk show. I mean think about the possibilities. What does Keith Olbermann's Ego love to do more than anything else? No, the answer is NOT eat. It's talking people. Talking. And the Ego has always dreamed he could one day grow up and be just like Tom Snyder (go look him up people). So Keith Olbermann's Ego would like to invite one of these guys to go to Fox, please go to Fox. That way the Ego gets his own talk show.