Keith Olbermann's Ego has feelings too: Why Keith Olbermann's Ego has Abandoned Daily Kos

Which is why Keith Olbermann's Ego has denounced Daily Kos and left it in protest after a mean commenter made him cry made him angry. Of course Gawker is having a field day with this. Now the Ego demands that all Keith Olbermann fans immediately leave Daily Kos in protest (btw, the Ego loves the mash notes supporters are leaving on DK begging him to return).

Update 6/22/10: Of course, the Ego reserves the right to change his mind.

Keith Olbermann is not a Narcissitic Outrage Junkie

Pay no mind to Gawker. They have a well-documented history of hating the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. Obviously, they are all Republican right-wingnuts over there at Gawker.

And Keith Olbermann's Ego hasn't lost a damn thing thank you very much Dan Abrams. No wonder MSNBC fired you. You're dumb and so is your toupee and your website which exists purely to mock the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's much more superior career. But don't worry Danny Boy, I don't think anyone will notice your hairplugs/hairpiece/whatever the hell it is you call perched on top of your skull (dead rat maybe)?

Gawker and Mediaite remain dead to Keith Olbermann's Ego

And for the record, both Gawker and Mediaite remain dead (and on the Ego's enemies list, natch) to the Ego. Clearly they do not get the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. Furthermore, they refuse to support The Ego and can't seem to refrain from openly criticizing The Ego. That is a no-no in the Ego's world. Minions, you know what this means: man (and woman) your battle stations! Flood those sites with pro-Ego comments immediately! Defend the Ego! That is your greatest duty to The Ego as a Keith Olbermann Fan. Now get let's get busy people--I mean what else do you have to do except defend the Ego?

Gawker remains on Keith Olbermann's Ego's Hit List

and by Hit List the Ego is not referring to the top 40 but to those that the Ego has banished and/or exiled due to their failure to get the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. Although the Ego has to credit Gawker for one thing: name-checking the Ego in their latest attack on moi.

It doesn't help Olbermann's case that he does in fact, have a hugely overgrown ego, regularly put on display.

But why do they say it like it's a bad thing? You can't stop Keith Olbermann's Ego, you can't even hope to contain it and that is as it should be.

Gawker is still on Keith Olbermann's Ego's Enemies List

Gawker is still on Keith Olbermann's Ego's Enemies List. But at least they name-check the Ego here.

Sure, it was for a good cause, but the fact that Olbermann believed that an hour-long monologue worthy of Fidel Castro was something that people wanted or needed to see, and that his bosses actually let him get away with it, brought to mind Ben Affleck's flawless SNL caricature of Olbermann's mammoth self-regard. It seemed at times last night that he actually took some pointers from Affleck's performance — Olbermann's ego is expansive enough to take such jabs as loving tribute, and incorporate them into his self-image like some ravenous blob that from a sci-fi movie.

Bosses at MSNBC? I got news for you Gawker, Keith Olbermann runs owns MSNBC. If the Ego wants to do something dammit, he does it. And The Ego isn't sure but he thinks Gawker just accused him of devouring Ben Affleck or something. Jennifer Garner, oh yeah, The Ego would devour that but Affleck? No.

If you really want to change the course of the health care debate and change minds, Keith—hell, if you even just want to inform people about the world around them, like your sainted Edward R. Murrow, now and again—try pointing the camera at something other than yourself. And let us know when you conquer death.

But my public demands that Gawker. They want Keith Olbermann 24/7--as it should be.

Gawker is an Idiot too.

The greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego would totally never use his mother's death to get himself out of hot water. No matter what Gawker says. How dare they attack a grieving son! And to suggest that The Ego use Google? Don't they understand that the Ego only uses Google to look up porn himself? See, they are idiots.

The Truth According to Keith Olbermann's Ego

This is just too easy sometimes. Why it's almost like taking Candy from babies. Keith Olbermann's Ego loves his fans. You wanna know why? They aren't that great with critical thinking skills. For example, they don't notice patterns at all. Patterns you say? What are these patterns that The Ego speaks of? Watch and learn my friends, watch and learn.

Step 1: Someone prints or posts a negative story about Keith Olbermann's Ego.

Step 2: The Ego immediately takes to either the airwaves or Daily Kos (or both) to brand the person who wrote it as someone who has it out for him (Example: Lloyd Grove (NY Post, The Daily Beast), Brian Stelter (The NY Times), Dan Abram's Mediaite.

Step 3: For good measure, attack the venue where the attack appeared (Examples: The New York Times, The Post, the Daily News (and going back to the old days, the LA Times), Gawker, Cityfile, Wonkette, etc., etc.,

Step 4: Go to Kos, post a diary offering a very special, special comment or some sort of "must-see TV" to pump the ratings. Even if the special comment isn't necessarily related to the attack from these vicious people who all hate the Ego, look, the fans will still tune in and pump up the Ego's ratings. The Ego loves ratings you know. And Daily Kos.

Step 5: Go on Countdown and deliver WPITW awards, offer up a very special, special comment. Drives the attacker wild (and the fans believe every word, it's a win-win for The Ego).

Step 6: Sit back and laugh. Really, it's too easy. Look at yesterday: it was a beautiful thing to see. Did you notice how Keith Olbermann's Ego piled upon young Brian and the NY Times? Brian has been one of The Ego's biggest supporters since he was still in college and ran the then-CableNewser. And the NY Times? The NY Times loves my ass. Oh right, revionist thinking: they hate the Ego! Yes, that's right, the Times is now an enemy of Keith Olbermann. So what if four sources either with MSNBC or Fox told the NY Times that the deal happened? It did not happen! I mean really, who are you going to believe? The Ego or the NY Times and the statements from corporate stooges? Right! The Ego is always, always right. And so what that The Ego didn't bother mentioning O'Reilly from June 1st to August 3rd, whatever would give anyone the idea there was a deal? You got it! Because The Ego told them so! See what I mean? Easy as pie.

Step 7: This is Keith Olbermann's Ego's favorite step. You see, my fans are so IQ challenged loyal and faithful any future stories an organization writes about The Ego will also be immediately discredited as being false since the writer or website/paper, etc. has already been discredited by the Ego for printing the truth lies about him in the past! And when you throw in a dead person, or two, why the fans have no choice whatsoever to doubt that The Ego is telling anything but 100% of the truth. I mean come on. The deal non-existing deal between MSNBC and Fox News was made at the end of May. It was just a coincidence that The Ego never mentioned Bill-O's name once between June 1st and August 3rd. Nope, no deal whatsoever. Never happened (because that's what The Ego said happened (or didn't happen), it didn't happen (even if it did).

What? You don't think The Ego would ever do such a thing? Trust me, it happens.

And The Ego wants you to know he applies these steps at work too. Why just yesterday The Ego had MSNBC prez (and longtime KO bitch friend) Phil Griffin speak to the Countdown staff and explain to them, in detail why there was no deal and it was all about "tone". Truthfully? The Countdown staff aren't the brighest people in the world either. I mean they were right there over the past two months and presumably noticed what we were covering and not covering. But they still needed Phil to come down and explain what didn't happen because you know, they're dumb. And you know why they are dumb? Because The Ego told you they were!

See how easy it is? And you know why it's easy for Keith Olbermann's Ego? Because Keith Olbermann's Ego is a freaking genius that's why people! The Ego tells people what the Truth is (according to Keith Olbermann) and it's true! Or isn't true, whatever the case might be and whatever approach is most flattering for The Ego. And people believe it. What could be better than that? I'm a GOD people. A God! And don't you ever forget it!

Now please excuse the Ego, it's time for some pie.

And at the suggestion of Marcia X 3: please enjoy the musical stylings of Steely Dan and their version of Pretzel Logic (which naturally is not as good as Keith Olbermann's Ego's version).

Minions: Man your battlestations immediately

Gawker is on the attack. Just remember, everything they say about Keith Olbermann is a lie. They are enemies of Keith Olbermann's Ego and everything they say about The Ego is always, always, always going to be a lie even when it's the truth, especially when it's the truth. That is all you need to know. As always, I expect everyone to rush immediately to Gawker and call them out for telling the truth lies about The Ego. I see some of you have already scurried to the site to accuse them of being right-wing operatives who are trying to bring Keith Olbermann down. Very good. The Ego is very proud of you, but then, the Ego deserves nothing less. After all, you shutdown Jossip for Keith Olbermann's Ego, now you need to do the same for Gawker.

And PS? While you're at it--Cityfile has decided to snark on The Ego as well. Show them your scorn and hatred too.

PS X 2: Thank you to loyal Olbermann's Ego defender Marinara who informs The Ego that Raw Story must now also be added to the list of right-wing propaganda machines who seek to destroy Keith Olbermann's Ego. What? They're a liberal website? No, you just think they are a liberal website. If they were a true liberal website they would defend The Ego against Gawker's scurrilous claims and they are somehow trying to claim that both Gawker AND The Ego are right. Now the loyal readers of this blog know that only one viewpoint is correct 100% of the time and that is The Ego's, so therefore Gawker is wrong, wrong, wrong and Raw Story should be defending, not mocking the Ego. So Raw Story has now also been added to the official enemies list.

Don't some of you have jobs to do?

And I don't mean the measly little ones you get paid for either.

It has come to the Ego's attention that some of you here are calling the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego melodramatic. A few have even accused Keith Olbermann's Ego of wallowing in the drama of yesterday's events. And you know what? You're right. But that's what makes Keith Olbermann's Ego the mighty ego that roared and don't you ever forget it.

Furthermore, I don't know what's wrong with some of you, but you're obviously lacking empathy/sympathy genes or something. Don't you get that the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego is never ever ever ever wrong? Furthermore, how dare some of you actually go so far as to question The Ego's motives. If it comes from Keith Olbermann's lips it is true. That is ALL you EVER need to know. Got it?

And one more thing: when Keith Olbermann's Ego asks for sympathy and understanding and support, it is your sworn duty as duly appointed Keith Olbermann Minions to start kissing KO ass doing what I tell you to do immediately. If Keith Olbermann's Ego needs understanding, support, worship and adoration, then get your Minion asses over to Daily Kos ASAP as Daily Kos is the only official Keith Olbermann endorsed conduit for such worship and adoration.

Now for you slackers who have been slagging off about the great emotional turmoil that the genius that is Keith Olbermann's Ego has had to endure for the past 24 hours, I expect each of you to pick up the phone right now and call in sick today to your puny little jobs--and I know your jobs are puny indeed. You know why? Because The Ego pad more than a million dollars in taxes last year (and that was even after using Katy as a write-off). And you mean to tell me you think your job is more important than mine? No. It is NOT. Furthermore, nothing is as important as Keith Olbermann's Ego. And don't you ever forget it. Priorities people, priorities. I expect you to have them and they begin and end with me, got it? If the Ego deems it necessary to both blog about something AND devote a segment of Countdown to it, it's important. That is ALL you need to know.

Now where was I? Oh yeah--worship, adoration, support, blah blah blah. Okay I expect the doubters amongst you to immediately get your butts over to Daily Kos. I'll be checking back later and when I do, I expect to see epic-length, glowing, sympathetic posts telling the whole wide world how much you adore the greatness that is Keith Olbermann. I see that some of you have already done that, just as The Ego likes loves it.

And when you're done with that--then I want you all to go to each of those websites that have maligned the genius that is Keith Olbermann and tell them how much they suck--and The Ego is well-pleased that some of you have already done exactly that. Now that is a real Minion. The rest of you? Not so much. So now that The Ego has given you your marching orders--get busy: you have work to do.

How dare you sir!

Yes, YOU. You know who you are. The miserable right-wing loving bastards who seek to demean the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego.So this obviously bitter and angry GOP-lover wrote this about Keith Olbermann. (Because if anyone ever writes anything negative about Keith Olbermann that automatically makes them a GOP-loving bastard or bitch doesn't it?: You betcha). And then that was picked up by a cabal of bitter right-wing enablers including Wonkette. And Wonkette (yeah yeah they are so vile, so evil they posted about the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's ego not once but twice). And then Gawker. And the Boston Globe. And Huffington Post. Each and every one of them are right-wing sympathizers. And they are obviously trying to smear Keith Olbermann with any means possible. Which left Keith Olbermann only one choice: blog about it on Daily Kos and devote a major segment to it on Countdown, isn't that what everyone does?

David Letterman, Rachel Maddow and Gawker

The Ego hereby takes an oath to tell Letterman, Maddow, and Gawker to kiss Keith Olbermann's Ego's ass. How dare they mock the size of The Ego's enormous head? Don't they know that it takes a big head to hold a massive intellect? And then there has to be room for The Ego too. This is in fact why Keith has had a weight gain recently. You have to have a lot of room to contain all the greatness and grandeur that is Keith Olbermann.

Thank God. Gawker Gets It!

Gawker gets it.

So, MSNBC President Phil Griffin, be a fucking man for once and hold your ground against Zucker and NBC News President Steve Capus and even Original Blowhard Tom Brokaw (seriously, why did the act of "retiring" bestow respectability upon that hack?). If people wanted Brian Williams and David Gregory to cover everything quietly and politely they'd actually watch your evening news. Scarborough, Olbermann, Matthews, and Maddow are the best of cable this year, because of their unique ability to annoy the shit out of each other and also to generally know what the fuck they're talking about, which is basically unheard of on television, let alone cable news.