Yeah that's right.

$4 million for 2 years. That's what my contract says. Raise your hand if you heard me lay that little bit of knowledge on Patrick tonight. Punk ass had it coming. I had to let him know just how important I am. But he should know that already right? Nothing like a preemptive strike though to let him know I rule.

The NY Daily News? Dead to me now too.

So this wise-ass punk from the NY Daily News has decided that I'm too partisan to cover football highlights. It's football people? How can I talk about politics in the middle of a football game? That's my story and I'm sticking to it no matter how much the haters hate on me. I can multitask and they're just envious because they can't.

Olbermann is either hated (that may not be a strong enough word) or loved. There is no middle ground. People who enjoy having something to complain about watch. So do sycophants who would not pass up the chance to kiss Olbermann's fanny.

He says sycophants like it's a bad thing. And we all know how much I enjoy having my ass kissed, so at least he's right on that score.

The haters who watch “Football Night In America” won't relate to Olbermann as just another schlub voicing over highlights. They may even tune out in disgust. Guess NBC Sports boss Dick Ebersol does not care about losing viewers on an hour-long program that ain't exactly a ratings juggernaut.

Football always trumps politics. Maybe someone will turn down the sound, they might switch the channel, but they'll always come back. And why? Because they love me. And football. Mostly football but still. I am loved. And hated. And even the haters will tune in. Why? Because they love to hate. See, it's all about the love.

Even if you subscribe to Olbermann's political agenda, the following thought might still occur: Doesn't he have something more important to do? Shouldn't Olbermann be preparing for his interview tomorrow night with Barack Obama rather than providing comprehensive analysis on Chad Johnnson changing his name to Chad Ocho Cinco?

He got that part right. Jesus if I had a dime for every time the Kos Crowd wanted me to talk about their little pet issues. And don't even get me started on the 9/11 Truth Conspiracy Whackjobs. I just wish they'd all cut me a break so I could concentrate on what's really important to me: me and what I want to talk about. Or not talk about. Is that really too much to ask?

Since Olbermann's focus is politricks, there is a perception that he couldn't care less, that these Sunday night trips to NBC's football studio amount to Olbermann's version of slumming, that he also digs descending from the mountain top to hang in the playpen with Patrick, Rapping Roberto, Collinsworth, The Bus and Tiki. Football fans see through this stuff. They know when someone cares more about the Electoral College than what college Keyunta Dawson attended.

Politricks. Very funny. Leave the wordsmithing to me, okay pal? And by pal I mean "my new and latest addition to my enemy list". I care about the Electoral College and Football. Not as much as I care about me or baseball, but it's right up there.Really.

The business end of this makes no sense either. Olbermann's “Countdown” show has gotten major buzz for buzz-challenged MSNBC. Olbermann is a brand. Why inject confusion into the mix by putting him on a football show? Unless, of course, Olbermann is calling the shot here.

Shows you how much this asshat knows. That's why he's a newspaper flack and as we all know, newspapers are a losing business these days. Where was I? Oh yeah, this idiot has no business sense when it comes to television. It's about E-X-P-O-S-U-R-E pal. My ratings went up after last season's FNIA gigs and it'll go up more this year. The more people see me the more they want of me, Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. Duh.

He has taken on an Anchor Monster persona. If he chooses to, Olbermann probably could get away with putting a verbal hit on McCain in between replays of quarterback sacks. Hey, the jive-time spin NBC and MSNBC suits put out when Olbermann remained in New York, rather than anchoring from the Republican Convention in Minny, provided ample evidence of just how long a leash this cat is on. It would not have been surprising if the suits said Olbermann stayed home because he was busy rehearsing for “Football Night In America.” A show that certainly could — and should — live without him.

Hee hee. Anchor Monster. I kinda like the sound of that. I am the anchor of all anchors after all. Note to self: Steal that line and use it again. Repeatedly. Do not give credit for it to this idiot-jerk however. Again-where was I? Oh yeah. Of course I have a long leash. I own MSNBC baby. And now I'm staking my claim on NBC Sports. It's only a matter of time before my master plan is in play and I own the entire damn network. Got a problem with that NY Daily News idiot? You should because once I'm king of NBC you won't even be allowed to watch the greatness that is me, Keith Olbermann's Ego. And he won't admit it but guess what? He'll be watching right along with the rest of you tonight. And that's how I get the last word and the last laugh on my critics (who are all secretly and not-so-secretly envious of me.) As it should be.

More Me. Always a Good Thing.

Are you ready for some more me? Ignore the guy next to me. It's really all about me.

Scarborough remains a smart-ass

I don't like Scarborough. Never have, never will. Smarmy GOP operative. Can't trust 'em. And I don't. And you know what else I don't like about him? He's a snarky, smart-mouthed, sarcastic asshole too. Witness this exchange with New York magazine:

NYM: How are things going with Keith Olbermann?
J.S.: Well, you know, I don't invite him to Thanksgiving dinner and he doesn't invite me to Thanksgiving dinner, but I think everything is fine.
NYM: Did you start bringing a shovel to work?
J.S.: Well, you know, I don't bring shovels on air when I'm quoting David Axelrod. So I was reporting and I'm still not sure what the comment meant, but I just was quoting David Axelrod. So perhaps he should present David Axelrod with a shovel and not me.

I tell you how I'd like to hit with a shovel. Good think I wasn't in St. Paul this week with this smarmy little bastard. I'm putting you on notice Pal. And that Thanksgiving Day dinner thing? You're so not invited to dine anywhere near me.

Why I like TV Newser and the Chicago Cubs

TV Newser will believe anything (and I do mean anything I or my flunkies tell them. I like that in a reporter.

This week at the RNC, the tone is different. Broadcasting & Cable's Joel Topcik notes MSNBC is, "pulling itself together and looking like a news network again." Of course, there's a major difference in the coverage this week — Keith Olbermann, their lead anchor, is in New York.

I love New York. It's where I function best.

MSNBC president Phil Griffin tells TVNewser how the decision was made for Olbermann to stay in New York. And it all began in Chicago. Griffin and Olbermann were at the Chicago Cubs game Saturday, separately.

What do you think I'd actually attend a game with Phil? Seriously, the guy's my bitch, not a friend.

Olbermann also went to Sunday's game and, during a morning email exchange, Griffin suggested Olbermann should go back to New York, instead of on to St. Paul. Olbermann responded "Seriously?"

Note he suggested. Not ordered me. No one orders me to do anything. Ever. Especially not Phil.

"I made the decision to send Keith back on Sunday, early afternoon. It looked like the storm was going to be the story in the beginning of the week and I needed him in the right position to own that story," Griffin tells TVNewser.

Okay Phil, you're on notice pal. And by pal, I mean, "my bitch". You don't decide anything about me that I don't decide first, got it? And we both know I did not want to go to either Louisiana to cover the hurricane first-hand or to the RNC. So naturally NYC was the best place for me to be.

But several insiders we talked to have questioned why Olbermann, who has attacked Republicans regularly on his show, was the only cable anchor covering the RNC from New York. Several sources inside NBC and MSNBC have told TVNewser there is truth to many of the stories that have been discussed, rumored and reported about Olbermann and Matthews over the past week.

Okay, here TV Newser is stepping over the line. They are quoting gossip websites and worthless tabloid rags which of course print lies about me because they're afraid of the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. But otherwise they are suck-ups and I love suck-ups. The suckier, the better. Watch how I've turned Chris Matthews into my bitch too. This guy better kiss my ass at every available turn if he knows what's good for him.

So, TVNewser asked Chris Matthews today in St. Paul. "We're complimentary first of all," Matthews says. "He's a broadcaster, I'm sort of a political guy, he's a broadcaster."

Chris forgot to add modification to that sentence. As in, "he's the greatest broadcaster in the history of the medium." Other than that, at least he was groveling. I love groveling. The more the better.

But do they truly get along? "He's very professional, very orderly in his way," Matthews says of Olbermann. "He operates in a very professional, predictable...well he's obviously a strong performer. But he obviously operates in a very orderly...and I don't mean this as a put-down but...predictable. He's a very strongly predicable person in the way of his professionalism. I'm uneven and, what's the right word, flamboyant and impulsive."

Notice how Chris didn't really answer the question that was put to him? And how TVN really didn't press them on the answer? I've taught them both well.

But Matthews tells TVNewser, "You gotta watch it. Don't you see that we get along? Forget the scuttle, don't you see how we get along? I think it's pretty obvious we get along."

Chris sounds almost pathetic there doesn't he? There's a reason for that. He is. But at least he knows whose ass he'd better kiss and that's mine. And that's all I really care about. That and baseball. What? Go home after the DNC? Hell no. There were baseball games to attend. And why the Cubs? Have you seen the Yankees play lately? I rest my case.

Damn Wonkette too.

Not only does Wonkette mock the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's EGO, one of their so-called comments contains a little hint as to where I was this weekend. Hint: Not in St. Paul or NYC. In Chicago. At Wrigley Field. In the Press Box. Watching Baseball.

OK, my husband spotted Olbermann sitting in the press box at Wrigley Field at both Saturday’s and Sunday’s Cubs games (not reporting, mind you, but just hangin’ out). I opined that maybe he was spending his between-conventions-time in Chicago before heading north, but now that theory’s gone. WTF Keith? Did your 23 year old girlfriend (or whatever) miss you that much that you had to head back to NYC?

Yeah, so I've been outed. Big f'ing deal. I like baseball okay? And I have more important things to do than cover some stupid Republican Convention or cover a hurricane or whatever.

Yeah, I'm staying in NYC

Yeah sure everyone is at that stupid RNC in Minnesota. Minnesota? Me in Minnesota? You have to be kidding me. I feel I can do a more effective job covering the RNC if I'm not actually there for it. As you know, the only places I really feel comfortable at are LA and NYC. They are the only ones big enough to hold me, Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. And while we both know that Hurricane Hanna is going to be a joke it's a great excuse to stay here in NYC and away from the rest of the MSNBC staff. They are all viciously envious of me and they should be. For they are not me, the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. I'm still the lead anchor, as it should be. And this way I won't have to come near any of those nasty GOPers.