Keith Olbermann's Ego's Stunning Mystery Companion

The Ego loves the Post. No seriously. It's 100% true that Keith Olbermann's Ego love the NY Post when they talk about the Ego's latest hot babe like they did here.

Keith "Uberdork" Olbermann was showing off a new brunette girlfriend at Monday night's Yankees game. The bombastic MSNBC commentator was spotted by our spy "with his arm round the woman, who looked a lot younger than him, in her early 30s. He was taking pictures of them together on his cellphone and chatting to her throughout the game," causing some fans to speculate, "She must have been secretly wearing earplugs." Olbermann split with his much younger WNBC reporter girlfriend, Katy Tur,more than a year ago.

Okay so they could have dropped the "Uberdork" but come on would the Ego be banging these beautiful babes if he was truly a Uberdork? Anywho, the Ego loves the love and since this is the summer of love for the Ego, The Ego has dedided to dedicate this tune to his latest babe.

Damn right I want a security force around me

I'm heading into enemy territory. And I'm not just talking about the NBC/MSNBC employees lounge. (Those idiots hate me. I hate them though so I guess we're kinda even). Where was I? Oh yeah, security. I need security. Lotsof security. O'Reilly has his own security force why can't I have my own security team? Do you think I actually want to go to the RNC convention? I'll be about as welcome there as a Hummer at a Greenpeace rally.

My Plan is Working

I love it. Look-the Wall Street Journal has written about my favorite subject: me! Sure it's about the on-air squabbling all of the MSNBC anchors have done this week with one another but who cares-it's free press. For ME! And yep--there's my bitch Phil Griffin apologizing for me once again. I have to say this is better than most of Phil's statements. And you know why? I wrote it for him. Seriously, the man is not that bright. It's why I'm able to run completely over him.

The network's chief played down the acrimony. "Look, I want honest, authentic people on our air. I don't want phonies. So if the price of that is every once in a while one of these bubbles up, I'm not concerned," said MSNBC President Phil Griffin. "Like any good manager, I give and I take and I massage and I deal with it," he added, "but the fact of the matter is this is what we want: a diverse, fun, rough-and-tumble look at politics."

I could have done without the WSJ referring to him as the network's "chief". That's me people, not my bitch Phil.

The changes have made a star of the liberal firebrand Mr. Olbermann and left several news people feeling marginalized, including Messrs. Scarborough and Matthews and former General Manager Dan Abrams, people familiar with the situation said. An MSNBC representative declined to make the on-air personalities available for comment.

The WSJ, a Rupert Murdoch owned rag called me a star! Suck that Bill-O! And re the rest of the MSNBCers feeling "marginalized"? HA! That's part of my plan idiots! And here's Variety writing about me too!

"Look, it happens," Griffin said. "Everyone is working hard here, and people are passionate about their feelings, and this is the rough-and-tumble world of politics." He said he'd prefer if staff didn't have fights on air, "but it wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last. The main thing is, this does not define us. Don't make more of this than it is." Griffin emphasized a distinction between talent having a point of view -- which he seeks for certain programs -- and the network having a point of view. "We as a network do not have a point of view," he said.

Say what Phil? See what happens when I let him off his leash? Of course we have a point of view: MINE! Bad Phil. Very bad. I'll use the NY Post later to beat you with. The best line in this article? This one:

Ultimately, Scarborough may have to leave the channel

Part of the plan people. Part of the plan. Hell this is working so well I got internationalpress! Kudos to The Nation for calling us the Real World Denver.

What happens when overpaid media personalities stop being polite--and start getting real....

Overpaid? Well I do take exception to THAT. And finally, McClatchy news service had yet another prescient (you know I love to throw around big words) this about the fate of one Joe Scarborough:

Anybody want to lay odds on who'll go after Scarborough next? As MSNBC increasingly brands itself as the lefty alternative in cable news, Scarborough looks out of place. Unless you think of him as a pinata.

I loveit!

You know why I love Daily Kos?

Because they'll believe anything I tell them without even thinking about it. God I love the comments there. Look at the love and adoration they heap upon me. And not one of them even thinks to ask this question: why do I deny the Brokaw story but don't deny the stories about my having Abrams, Tucker Carlson, and Scarborough (he's next) booted. You know why I don't mention it? Yeah, you know. And I know. But the Kossacks? They just don't. So let's just keep that little secret between you and me okay?

Oh and one more thing? Sometimes when I deny something it's in direct proportion to how true it actually happens to be. And if Brokaw were smart he'd watch his back. See that big ole' pat I just gave him? Look close and you'll see a knife carefully hidden in my hand. Death by a thousand cuts and all that.

God I hate the NY Post

They've struck again. Damn Murdoch and his minions. This time they claim I want Brokaw out of NBC-MSNBC.

Insiders say Olbermann is pushing to have Brokaw banned from the network and is also refusing to have centrist Time magazine columnist Mike Murphy on his show. "The idea of anyone trying to ban Tom Brokaw is ludicrous," said one MSNBC-er. Brokaw was on MSNBC for an hour yesterday afternoon. Murphy, who was bumped from Olbermann's show on Monday night, told us, "They told me technical problems and I have no reason not to believe them."

Actually that part is true. I do want Brokaw out. He backstabbed me and said I didn't represent the views of the NBC network. Who the hell does the old man think he's kidding? I AM MSNBC. Who's he? A retired news anchor who needs to keep his tired old cranky ass retired if you know what I mean. And Murphy? Don't like him. 'Nuff Said.

Citizen Journalists? Not on my watch.

So Page Six is at it again. Those guys hate me. The feeling is mutual. But at least they recognize that I'm a big, big, big star and worthy of being written about. And because I'm a big, big, big star they hate me and print lies about me (except when it's true which I'll never admit).

Let me break down today's little item for you.

KEITH Olbermann is again being an embarrassment to MSNBC.

Embarrassment? I'm their star. It's my network. They wouldn't be a network without me. I'm the only reason that so-called perpetually third-place network gets any attention at all. The Post is just jealous of me.

The cable channel and MySpace have teamed up to choose two "citizen journalist" correspondents to cover the upcoming national political conventions. The "journalists" will be featured both on MySpace and MSNBC's campaign coverage. A spy said, "Every anchor is onboard and willing to play along, except Keith. He refuses to participate because MySpace is owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp." - which also owns Fox News and The Post.

Don't they understand that the Post and Rupert and Fox News are my mortal enemies? Okay so my feuding with them has become a central part of every night's broadcast but it's important people. It's far more important than any news item I could possibly ever substitute in its place because America cares about me and they want to know who my enemies are, and what matters to me, Keith Olbermann. It's important because it does matter to me, Keith Olbermann. So why on earth did the suits at NBC Universal think I'd play along with anything concerning Rupert Murdoch? America just doesn't understand what I have to go through when dealing with the suits. I'm smarter than they are: I'm smarter than everyone and everybody. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb idea! But I showed 'em. Read on.

A rep for Olbermann said, "There are no plans for the contest winners to be on any programs other than 'Morning Joe.'

That's the official story. Let me tell you the real story. So the suits had this really stupid idea. What made them think I'd publicize anything to do with Rupert Murdoch? See what I mean? They're stupid! But not me. I'm brilliant. But you already knew that right? I know you do because I like to point it out every single chance I get. I'm smart, you're not, and that's just the way it is. Love me, envy me, recognize, that's all I'm asking here people. Work with me on this, there is no truth but the one I tell got it?

Anyway, so let me translate and tell you what the publicist wasn't saying. Yeah, sure, there were plans originally for these citizen freaks to be on every single MSNBC program but since I refused to play with anything remotely having to do with Rupert Murdoch I forced the network to significantly scale back their plans so now these citizen whatevers will only be on Morning Joe and no one watches that train wreck anyway. That way I get my revenge on Murdoch, I make the suits at 30 Rock recognize yet again that it's all about me and what I want and if I don't want citizen journalists then they'll be exiled to Siberia (that's what we call MJ here at MSNBC). I'm happy and now they're not so someone went whining to the Post but who cares? It's about me and what I want. My name gets printed in Page Six yet again and as long as people are writing about me, I'm very happy. So what if it's not flattering? Big f'ing deal. Page Six recognizes me. I'm on their pages along with billionaires, movie stars, Madonna, and A-Rod (he's my buddy btw).

See what kind of idiots I'm forced to work with? I am the network. I am MSNBC. I'm the only damn journalist this two-bit network has got and that's why I run the network. It's my network, not theirs and they were stupid enough to try and make a decision without considering my wants and needs. Will they ever learn? Sure they will but as you can see, I have to remind them of that on a near daily basis. Idiots.

Anyway, so there you have it. The real story. Yeah sure Page Six was factually correct but factually correct doesn't matter in my world and my world is the only world that there is. Screw Murdoch, the Post, Page Six, MySpace, Citizen Journalists, and whatever else stupid idea that the promo department comes up with. If I don't want to play then the game is over. This kind of thing is fun for me, I get more publicity, I had the satisfaction of forcing the suits to fold and the publicists at MSNBC scramble yet again to cover for my how shall we say, intransigence? It doesn't get any better for me that that. I get to show them yet again who really runs that network. And we all know it's my network right? I'm the only anchor MSNBC needs and will ever need. Me. Me. Me. Me. And that's the way it should be because in the end, all that matters is me and what I want. Nothing else. Just me me me me. And never forget, it's all about me.

Another Ego Speaks

I thought it would be instructive for my fans to understand how my ego thinks, which is why I began this blog, and let's face it, my ego is too large to be contained on just one blog. Sure Kos is great but it doesn't let me be me. I have to remain serious, ernest, and all that crap when I'm there. Here I can have a bit of fun and educate my fans a bit more. I thought it would be instructive for my fans to observe how an ego-leading personality works. And there is no better example than that poor Bastard John Edwards who lacked the finese that I, Keith Olbermann, have in making people see things my way, which of course, as we all know, is the only way it should be. Because it's all about me.


STATEMENT OF SENATOR JOHN EDWARDS
August 8, 2008
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs.

Translation: "I got caught. And i'm trying to spin this so it looks like I give a damn about my family. And that whole serious error in judgment? You bet your ass it was a serious error in judgement. The chick talked too much and didn't use birth control."

I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness.

Translation: "She found out and I had to fess up." But my ego has to give John props here for his use of the word "liaison". That's French. Classy. So much classier than saying "affair".

Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public.

Translation? "Tell the pubic? Are you out of your f'ing mind? I'm not stupid. And painful? Yes it was very painful to me that I got caught."

When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough.

Translation: Right out of the Keith Olbermann Ego Playbook (that'll be my next book by the way). First take a jab at the tabloid press-works like a charm for me every time that damn Murdoch prints something about me in the Post that I don't like. And recasting himself as being the new poster-child of honesty? Brilliant.

I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public.

Translation? "You can bet your ass I hopeed it would never become public." "My choices? Oh yeah I regret my choices. I realize now I could have done better because this chick is old. And not nearly as pretty as I am. But she recognized how attractive I am and that's all that really matters.

With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly.

Translation: I got caught. The National Enquirer has a gun to my head and now I have to take full responsibility because it's what America expects me to do. If there was a Betty Ford for screwing around, I could go there and all would be well becaue that's what you do when you get caught in America: apologize and go to rehab and everybody forgives you

But that misconduct took place for a short period in 2006. It ended then. I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established. I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby. I also have not been engaged in any activity of any description that requested, agreed to or supported payments of any kind to the woman or to the apparent father of the baby.

Translation: Yeah the kid's probably mine. But if I come forward and offer to take the test and she refuses then it looks like I'm telling the truth and she's lying. And by having someone else funnel money to her and the fall-guy self-proclaimed baby daddy I again look like a paragon of virtue. And by being non-specific about what kind of activity "ended" in 2006? Again, genius.

It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.

Translation? You got me. Because John completely fumbled the ball here. He failed to embrance being narcissistic and self-centered and you know that I, Keith Olbermann's Ego, feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with self-love.

If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.

Translation: "Oh I was stripped bare alright. So was she. And damn it was fun. Until I got caught. And it's actually Lizzie that's been doing the beating me thing. And work? Damn straight I have to work to make those back alley support payments."

I have given a complete interview on this matter and having done so, will have nothing more to say.

Translation? "Because I'm arrogant enough to think that this is all I have to say."

See how easy it is? As the great J.R. Ewing once observed, "Once you can fake sincerity, everything else is a piece of cake."