Don't some of you have jobs to do?

And I don't mean the measly little ones you get paid for either.

It has come to the Ego's attention that some of you here are calling the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego melodramatic. A few have even accused Keith Olbermann's Ego of wallowing in the drama of yesterday's events. And you know what? You're right. But that's what makes Keith Olbermann's Ego the mighty ego that roared and don't you ever forget it.

Furthermore, I don't know what's wrong with some of you, but you're obviously lacking empathy/sympathy genes or something. Don't you get that the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego is never ever ever ever wrong? Furthermore, how dare some of you actually go so far as to question The Ego's motives. If it comes from Keith Olbermann's lips it is true. That is ALL you EVER need to know. Got it?

And one more thing: when Keith Olbermann's Ego asks for sympathy and understanding and support, it is your sworn duty as duly appointed Keith Olbermann Minions to start kissing KO ass doing what I tell you to do immediately. If Keith Olbermann's Ego needs understanding, support, worship and adoration, then get your Minion asses over to Daily Kos ASAP as Daily Kos is the only official Keith Olbermann endorsed conduit for such worship and adoration.

Now for you slackers who have been slagging off about the great emotional turmoil that the genius that is Keith Olbermann's Ego has had to endure for the past 24 hours, I expect each of you to pick up the phone right now and call in sick today to your puny little jobs--and I know your jobs are puny indeed. You know why? Because The Ego pad more than a million dollars in taxes last year (and that was even after using Katy as a write-off). And you mean to tell me you think your job is more important than mine? No. It is NOT. Furthermore, nothing is as important as Keith Olbermann's Ego. And don't you ever forget it. Priorities people, priorities. I expect you to have them and they begin and end with me, got it? If the Ego deems it necessary to both blog about something AND devote a segment of Countdown to it, it's important. That is ALL you need to know.

Now where was I? Oh yeah--worship, adoration, support, blah blah blah. Okay I expect the doubters amongst you to immediately get your butts over to Daily Kos. I'll be checking back later and when I do, I expect to see epic-length, glowing, sympathetic posts telling the whole wide world how much you adore the greatness that is Keith Olbermann. I see that some of you have already done that, just as The Ego likes loves it.

And when you're done with that--then I want you all to go to each of those websites that have maligned the genius that is Keith Olbermann and tell them how much they suck--and The Ego is well-pleased that some of you have already done exactly that. Now that is a real Minion. The rest of you? Not so much. So now that The Ego has given you your marching orders--get busy: you have work to do.

How dare you sir!

Yes, YOU. You know who you are. The miserable right-wing loving bastards who seek to demean the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego.So this obviously bitter and angry GOP-lover wrote this about Keith Olbermann. (Because if anyone ever writes anything negative about Keith Olbermann that automatically makes them a GOP-loving bastard or bitch doesn't it?: You betcha). And then that was picked up by a cabal of bitter right-wing enablers including Wonkette. And Wonkette (yeah yeah they are so vile, so evil they posted about the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's ego not once but twice). And then Gawker. And the Boston Globe. And Huffington Post. Each and every one of them are right-wing sympathizers. And they are obviously trying to smear Keith Olbermann with any means possible. Which left Keith Olbermann only one choice: blog about it on Daily Kos and devote a major segment to it on Countdown, isn't that what everyone does?

It's Katy Tur's Ego!

Yeah, that's right bitches. I'm guest-blogging here at KOE. I've seen your snide little remarks about me, my resume and my new job at The Weather Channel. Look, Keith's Ego has already laid it all out for you. My job relationship with Keith's Ego had nothing to do whatsoever with this new gig at the NBC Universal-owned Weather Channel. Sure he hooked up Rachel Maddow, David Schuster, and Ed what's his name up with their jobs but he has no influence whatsoever at TWC, got it? So since I'm like totally fed up with your snide remarks, I'm going to explain to you why I got the job I got at TWC. See, here's my resume.

A versatile reporter, producer, and writer with eight years experience in television news. A strong storyteller with excellent live skills with special emphasis on breaking news stories.

Yes, that's right, I'm a very strong storyteller. Stories I've covered have ranged from an Easter Bunny on Ice to some band that no one's ever heard of an exclusive with the hottest band on the music scene today. And who says I'm dumb besides you bitches? Katy Tur's Ego has a BA in Philosophy from UC-Santa Barbara. And no, it's not true that it's a party school. No, it's an institution of serious learning. Look, I learned how to grope another woman's breast in a threesome do an interpretive dance on the plight of the environment and population overcrowding and all that crap while I was there.

And philosophy? It's like totally applicable to television reporting. I mean seriously. And this old woman (seriously, she's got to be like at least like 40 or something-that's ancient-kinda like Keith) who complains because no one would hire her for a TV job after she got out of Harvard? it's totally because she didn't major in Philosophy like Katy Tur's Ego did. See? I'm a genius!

Okay where was I? Oh yeah, experience. I have lots of experience. See, it says so right there on the resume. That Freelance Reporter Job at WPIX. I mean sure it was only a weekend job but it was still a job. And Keith's Ego had nothing to do with Katy's Ego getting that job either. See, it says so right here.

The Media Mob caught up with a CW11 spokesperson Jessica Bellucci this morning. According to Ms. Bellucci, Ms. Tur joined the station several weeks ago as a "freelance reporter," working on general assignment. "She got the job on her own merit," said Ms. Bellucci.

And like I spent a whole 10 months working at some cable tv "news" station that no one has ever heard of at a news outfit in Brooklyn. See, it says I was a one-woman band (I really love bands and dancing by the way).

Okay and then there was the Dec. '06 to May '07 gig that Katy's Ego had at VOOM HD News in NYC. (May-December, kinda like Keith's Ego and Katy's Ego, get it?). I mean sure no one has any idea what VOOM HD was ('cuz it's like only seen in a really teeny tiny area since the plug got pulled on it but that had nothing to do with my brilliant reporting). Now I know you're asking yourself why I haven't mentioned those videos I shot of elephants marching through NYC on Current and YouTube during that same time frame. Easy bitches: 'cuz those videos like totally don't exist anymore (because I deleted them faster than Keith's Ego can blow a ton of money on Ebay on old baseball junk). So too bad you missed out on their brilliance cuz they totally rocked.

And I know some of you are asking why it was that Keith's Ego referred to me as a "freelance reporter" in interviews back in the day when he hired me we first hooked up. Look, Keith's Ego is busy. You can't expect him to pay attention to what I'm doing now can you? (And thank God for that. He seriously has no idea what I get up to when he's not around).

Now that brings us to the entire year that Katy's Ego spent as an "editorial assistant" at KTLA in LA. Now in some reports Katy's Ego was referred to as a "producer" while at KTLA. Actually no one has any idea what I did there. Me? I couldn't figure out what I was doing there either. I mean clearly I was destined to greater things which is how I went from no on-camera experience in LA to working in the Number One Media market in the world. Happens everyday right? Right.

Where was I? Oh yeah, my beginning job--working for this thing called the Los Angeles News Service as a "field producer/video library manager/sales". The people who own that thing, Bob Tur and his ex-wife Marika Tur-Gerrard are great people (okay fine, big deal, so what-they're my parents, my getting the job with them had nothing to do with the fact that I was their daughter). And I know you're asking yourself how it is that I managed to hold down a full-time job from June 2001 to June 2005 in Los Angeles which just happened to coincide with the same time frame I was attending college in Santa Barbara. Please people, it's because I can multi-task! DUH!

So there you have it. My brilliant four eight-year career. And I had no help whatsoever from anyone (other than Keith's Ego's agent Jean Sage who in a totally coincidental way, just happens to be Katy's Ego's agent too-small world huh?).

Egospeak 101

From TVNewser: An anonymous tipster wrote this weekend that Katy Tur, girlfriend of MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, "is now chasing tornadoes as part of The Weather Channel's Vortex2 team." Weather Channel meteorologist Mike Bettes introduced Tur on Friday as one of the Vortex2 digital journalists in a short Q&A. What is she most looking forward to? "Tornadoes...duh, Bettes," she said. But since NBCU owns both MSNBC and The Weather Channel, questions may arise about whether the relationship helped get the job.

Olbermann tells TVNewser: "Anybody who suggests so is misinformed, and/or sadly unaware that in this time when the industry is collapsing around us, nobody gets a job based on 'influence,' only talent."

For those of you new to Keith Olbermann's Egospeak, let The Ego break it down for you "Anyone who suggests so is misinformed" (Anyone who suggests Keith Olbermann's Ego hooked up Katy with a job is both well-informed and pissed off and taking it out on my poor little defenseless girlfriend) "and/or sadly unaware that in this time when the industry is collapsing around us" (because the people who were laid off so Katy could get a job at The Weather Channel are very well aware in case you're not) "nobody gets a job based on 'influence,' (you know, like Katy did, or Luke Russert), "only talent" (yeah I know you've seen the videos. She sucks. But in a totally good way).

Where was Katy Tur while Keith Olbermann was at the White House Correspondents' dinner?

So I know the fans are interested in knowing where Keith Olbermann's Ego's girlfriend, Katy Tur, was last night while The Ego was hobnobbing with B-List celebs. Wonder no more. Katy was here. That's right, for the next five weeks she'll be chasing tornadoes. (To see the fabulousness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego's girlfriend, click on "The Gadgets" to see video of Katy in action.) The Ego just wants to point out that Katy's new job, working with The Weather Channel, a subsidiary of NBC-Universal is purely non-coincidental.

And what will The Ego be doing the next five weeks as Katy chases tornadoes? The Ego will be chasing whatever he likes. As it should be.

The Ego Give Back Money? NEVER.

So it has come to the attention of Keith Olbermann's expensive Ego that there is some grumbling about the 7.5 mil that the Ego pulls down every year for being THE EGO.

Dear Mr. Olbermann, While General Electric, the parent-company of your MSNBC network, was negotiating a $126 billion taxpayer-funded bailout, you signed a new contract raising your salary from $4 million to $7.5 million annually. You have used your show as a platform to call for the resignation of corporate executives accepting excessive bonuses on the backs of taxpayers who are picking up the tab for these atrocious bailouts, yet you yourself have no problem engaging in the same “class economic rape” that you accuse them of. Please heed your own advice and stop accepting taxpayer money to subsidize your nightly diatribes. Resign or return the balance of your excessive raise to the U.S. Treasury

Oh these guys kill me. Do they have any concept of how expensive Yankee tickets are now that they've built a new stadium? Do they know how much it costs to live in a $5M plus apartment on Park Avenue? And more importantly, do they know how expensive it is to support Katy Tur? And then there are the insurance costs for my world-class collection of baseball cards. I'm worth more than O'Reilly when you factor (get it--Factor?) in how much those cards are worth. And this guy from US News and World Report who is serving as a PR firm for these bozos needs to chill.

"It is just outrageous that Olbermann, night after night, goes after executives at so-called bailout firms when he himself works for one. He likes to call other people on their inconsistencies—he calls them the worst person in the world. Well, he needs to take a look in the mirror."

Actually the Ego spends a great deal of time looking in the mirror, but mainly just to check out the fabulousness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. Whatever. The bottom line is that Keith Olbermann isn't giving back the money that GE had to borrow to pay him. That's their problem, not The Ego's. And calling out Wall Street execs and the like for doing the same? That's not being hypocritical. That's just The Ego being The Ego. And by now you should know that's it is all about Keith Olbermann and what's best for him, 24/7/365 just as it should be. Now if you'll excuse me, The Ego has to get back to more bidding on Ebay.



Yeah, that's right people, Keith Olbermann spends more on Ebay in a week than most people make in a month. But The Ego has to do something with all of that GE money, right?

But Keith Olbermann's Ego doesn't like fake boobs

so what's the big deal? Isn't a man entitled to his opinion?