Sunday, August 31, 2008

Bigger than the Beatles.

Who were bigger than God. Do I really need to say more? Love the Times. Just Love Them.
With Election Day two months away, Olbermann said he was not worried about Obama and John McCain taking control of his heart and mind. He said: “The key thing is that half the season, plus the playoffs, is after the election. So it’ll get a little busy until the games, of, what Nov. 9? After that I start taking a lot of Fridays off. He added, “Plus, they got me this assistant guy, Dan What’s-His-Name.”
Dan thinks I was kidding with that quote. I wasn't. Seriously I wasn't. Dan free up some time around December okay? I've got some Christmas Shopping I need you to do.
Olbermann said, “On the radio show, I literally could walk in at 2 p.m., talk to him for 30 seconds about where he wanted to go in terms of topics, and we’d do our best work.” He added, “The only true effort is opening our mouths.”
Really I never prepare. I'm busy on Ebay dammit. Do you think I've got time to prepare for a stupid one-hour radio show? I was literally phoning it in. I'm not working any extra time that I don't have to.
“All I told Dick,” Patrick said, referring to Dick Ebersol, the chairman of NBC Sports, “is just leave our mics open. Leave everybody’s mics open, and if something strikes Tiki or Bob or Cris or Jerome; if you see something, say something.”
Yeah Dan. About that. I'm making an executive ruling here (and I do indeed rule. Don't forget it.) that there will be no open mikes at FNIA. That didn't work out so great for me or MSNBC at the DNC.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Bill Maher offends me.

Sure Bill and I both went to Cornell. Of course we have a certain segment of cross-over fans (although they love and adore me more. Why wouldn't they? I am of course, me after all). But to suggest that I want to have sex with Obama is insulting (Sorry for the link to Newsbusters. Can't find the video anywhere else). Mr. Maher is just mistaken. First of all, I would never, ever do a three-way with Chris Matthews. That's just wrong on some many different levels that I won't even go there (and I really would not go there ever. I don't even want to sit next to him do you think I'd want to go any further than that?) And secondly Bill has it all wrong. If anyone wanted to have sex with anyone it would be that the Big O would want me because I'm me, Keith Olbermann. How dare Bill suggest it's the other way around? Bill Maher, today's WPITW.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Damn right I want a security force around me

I'm heading into enemy territory. And I'm not just talking about the NBC/MSNBC employees lounge. (Those idiots hate me. I hate them though so I guess we're kinda even). Where was I? Oh yeah, security. I need security. Lotsof security. O'Reilly has his own security force why can't I have my own security team? Do you think I actually want to go to the RNC convention? I'll be about as welcome there as a Hummer at a Greenpeace rally.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

KONBC--I like the sound of that.

Okay so this Flowergil person beats up on me a lot. But I kinda like getting beat up by girls so it's all good. Sometimes she comes up with great ideas. Like this one in which she envisions an all me network. KONBC.
The morning show will be biographies about Keith. The afternoon shows will be MORE biographies about Keith.And Keith will do videos explaining how much everybody wanted to hire him but he turned them down. Then he'll do more videos on how much he contributes to the community in his own "sincere" way. And then they'll show him getting on Kos and talking about how much he knows about nothing. Soon MSNBC will be called KONBC.
KeithTV. Must-see KeithTV. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Conde Nast can kiss my ass.

So this idiot at Portfolio says that MSNBC can't be the liberal Fox. I beg your pardon. That's who we already are. First of course he references legitimate news organizations who are of course quoting the NY Post.
What on earth is going on at MSNBC? Politico, Variety and The Wall Street Journal all have stories today about how personal friction between Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough has increasingly been spilling over onto the screen. "They have to just grow up," says Connie Chung. Or, you know, whip out a measuring tape and get it over with.
Rumor-mongering idiot.
Everything on Fox is subordinate to this sensibility. If Bill O'Reilly were to go off the reservation, Roger Ailes would just dump him and make a new O'Reilly from scratch. At MSNBC, it's all different. There's no top-down governing sensibility; whatever sensibility there is has emerged willy-nilly. Because there's nothing bigger than the personalities, the personalities have expanded to fill the vacuum. Keith Olbermann knows he can't be easily replaced because what would you replace him with? He's an accident. There's no mold to refill. NBC hitched its wagon to his star, and now it's hostage to his whims. And if those whims include humiliating his co-anchors on-camera or refusing to share a stage with Tom Brokaw, what are you going to do?
Damn right it's built around me. And what's the problem with that buddy? I've got them over a barrel and they know it. I own those bitches dammit.
When Rupert Murdoch decided to start a news network with a political slant, it was in the spirit of "If we build it, they will come." MSNBC's mantra, in contrast, has been "If they come, we'll build it." Politics aside, which is a better way to erect a lasting edifice?
I'll show you a lasting edifice. By the time finished I'll be on the side of Mt. Rushmore.

Jossip. Again.

This idiot really hates me. Again with the anonymous sources. Remember the Olbermann commandment #1? Don't believe unnamed sources? Keep that in mind when you read this drivel.
"We've spoke to a number of 30 Rock staffers in Denver, New York, and Washington — some of whom thought it more productive to speak to us than attend to the on-going live DNC coverage — and the common wisdom is: 1) Nobody can believe how much Keith Olbermann is getting away with, even if he does draw ratings; 2) As an Olbermann protege, Rachel Maddow is attracting negative feelings from staffers, since she stays mum on many of these catfights, but "there's still time" to represent; 3) MSNBC head Phil Griffin is alienating staffers by publicly defending Olbermann while privately bashing him, and it's left many wondering when that will leak (oops); 4) MSNBC publicist Jeremy Gaines appears increasing stressed out and can be seen "shaking" with a phone attached to his ear dealing with reporters; 5) You don't want to run into Chris Matthews anytime soon, especially en route to the bathroom, because he has zero pleasant things to say right now; 6) Joe Scarborough is definitely stressed, but he's managed to calm down a bit today and can be seen laughing and gabbing; 7) None of this is helping ratings, with MSNBC scoring the lowest numbers against Fox News and CNN.
I refuse to dignify any of that with a comment. Got it?
Nobody, including all of MSNBC, believes Phil Griffin when he says "MSNBC does not have an ideology. Says one veteran off-camera staffer: "Bullshit … It's a total farce."
How can you believe a guy who can't even use good grammar?

Rocky Mountain Way

Yeah, it's MY way or the highway.

Me Difficult?

Again, don't believe anonymous sources who won't use their name for attribution. Unless they are willing to go on the record about me, nothing they say is valid. Got it? It's the First Commandment of Olbermann. (I'm a God people, of course I have rules for you peons to follow! Learn these simple rules and we'll get along just fine, got it?). Okay so this so-called anonymous source had this to say about me:
Some sources who have worked with Olbermann at MSNBC describe him as a difficult colleague, and one source said that there are tensions with Matthews.
Notice these bastards reference the NY Post in this so-called news article. Commandment #2? If it comes from a Murdoch rag or quotes a Murdoch rag it doesn't count either.
Look, when Keith anchors, he plays it straight down the line,” Griffin said. “This is our team. They’ve served us well. We love ’em, and we’re going to be at the Republican convention, and it’s going to be great. And I don’t have any hesitation.”
Yep another quote from my bitch Phil. And having no hesitation? That's what I love about this guy. If I jumped off the Empire State Building he'd be right behind me, cheerleading me all the way. What a guy.

My Plan is Working

I love it. Look-the Wall Street Journal has written about my favorite subject: me! Sure it's about the on-air squabbling all of the MSNBC anchors have done this week with one another but who cares-it's free press. For ME! And yep--there's my bitch Phil Griffin apologizing for me once again. I have to say this is better than most of Phil's statements. And you know why? I wrote it for him. Seriously, the man is not that bright. It's why I'm able to run completely over him.
The network's chief played down the acrimony. "Look, I want honest, authentic people on our air. I don't want phonies. So if the price of that is every once in a while one of these bubbles up, I'm not concerned," said MSNBC President Phil Griffin. "Like any good manager, I give and I take and I massage and I deal with it," he added, "but the fact of the matter is this is what we want: a diverse, fun, rough-and-tumble look at politics."
I could have done without the WSJ referring to him as the network's "chief". That's me people, not my bitch Phil.
The changes have made a star of the liberal firebrand Mr. Olbermann and left several news people feeling marginalized, including Messrs. Scarborough and Matthews and former General Manager Dan Abrams, people familiar with the situation said. An MSNBC representative declined to make the on-air personalities available for comment.
The WSJ, a Rupert Murdoch owned rag called me a star! Suck that Bill-O! And re the rest of the MSNBCers feeling "marginalized"? HA! That's part of my plan idiots! And here's Variety writing about me too!
"Look, it happens," Griffin said. "Everyone is working hard here, and people are passionate about their feelings, and this is the rough-and-tumble world of politics." He said he'd prefer if staff didn't have fights on air, "but it wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last. The main thing is, this does not define us. Don't make more of this than it is." Griffin emphasized a distinction between talent having a point of view -- which he seeks for certain programs -- and the network having a point of view. "We as a network do not have a point of view," he said.
Say what Phil? See what happens when I let him off his leash? Of course we have a point of view: MINE! Bad Phil. Very bad. I'll use the NY Post later to beat you with. The best line in this article? This one:
Ultimately, Scarborough may have to leave the channel
Part of the plan people. Part of the plan. Hell this is working so well I got internationalpress! Kudos to The Nation for calling us the Real World Denver.
What happens when overpaid media personalities stop being polite--and start getting real....
Overpaid? Well I do take exception to THAT. And finally, McClatchy news service had yet another prescient (you know I love to throw around big words) this about the fate of one Joe Scarborough:
Anybody want to lay odds on who'll go after Scarborough next? As MSNBC increasingly brands itself as the lefty alternative in cable news, Scarborough looks out of place. Unless you think of him as a pinata.
I loveit!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

You know why I love Daily Kos?

Because they'll believe anything I tell them without even thinking about it. God I love the comments there. Look at the love and adoration they heap upon me. And not one of them even thinks to ask this question: why do I deny the Brokaw story but don't deny the stories about my having Abrams, Tucker Carlson, and Scarborough (he's next) booted. You know why I don't mention it? Yeah, you know. And I know. But the Kossacks? They just don't. So let's just keep that little secret between you and me okay?

Oh and one more thing? Sometimes when I deny something it's in direct proportion to how true it actually happens to be. And if Brokaw were smart he'd watch his back. See that big ole' pat I just gave him? Look close and you'll see a knife carefully hidden in my hand. Death by a thousand cuts and all that.

Ditto the little creep from Jossip

How dare he.
It's been Page 6's regular duty to defend its corporate cousin Fox News and, more specifically, Bill O'Reilly, whose regular feuds with Keith Olbermann have provided for endless copy and ratings. And today's item is no different. It's an assault on Olbermann, and carries the same claims we've long been making: That he's trying to run the place.
Okay at least he pointed out that Murdoch, Bill O'Reilly, Fox and Page Six all hate me. But this idea that I'm trying to run MSNBC? Could he just keep that quiet? Please?

The former MSNBCer then goes on to add this:
Olbermann has long been said to be trying to oust his biggest rival, Chris Matthews. Matthews' contract will soon be up, and it's barely an open secret that Olbermann wants him out.
Matthews is a joke. I'm just trying to do the humane thing and put him out of my misery. Yes, you read that right, it is all about me remember?

So who's next, supposedly, on Olbermann's death wish list? Former NBC Nightly News anchor and current special correspondent Tom Brokaw: "Insiders say Olbermann is pushing to have Brokaw banned from the network and is also refusing to have centrist Time magazine columnist Mike Murphy on his show. 'The idea of anyone trying to ban Tom Brokaw is ludicrous,' said one MSNBC-er. Brokaw was on MSNBC for an hour yesterday afternoon."
Yes the former NBC anchor was on for an entire hour out of more than 20 hours of DNC coverage. Okay, so Jossip may be right.

Now, we've heard the requisite insider denials from MSNBC that "all is well" dozens of times before. And the rule we've learned: Ignore the downplaying, because it most often turns out to be true.
This is the real reason I hate P6 and Jossip (among others). Sometimes the gossip is true.

God I hate the NY Post

They've struck again. Damn Murdoch and his minions. This time they claim I want Brokaw out of NBC-MSNBC.
Insiders say Olbermann is pushing to have Brokaw banned from the network and is also refusing to have centrist Time magazine columnist Mike Murphy on his show. "The idea of anyone trying to ban Tom Brokaw is ludicrous," said one MSNBC-er. Brokaw was on MSNBC for an hour yesterday afternoon. Murphy, who was bumped from Olbermann's show on Monday night, told us, "They told me technical problems and I have no reason not to believe them."
Actually that part is true. I do want Brokaw out. He backstabbed me and said I didn't represent the views of the NBC network. Who the hell does the old man think he's kidding? I AM MSNBC. Who's he? A retired news anchor who needs to keep his tired old cranky ass retired if you know what I mean. And Murphy? Don't like him. 'Nuff Said.

Watch Chris Matthews snap.

My plan is working. A few more outbursts like this and Matthews will be history too.

The wheels on my bus are just fine

This chick is annoying me. So what if I hate Matthews (and he hates me) and Scarborough hates Schuster and David Gregory hates all of us? So what? Who cares just so long as it makes for great tv?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Another song from my Ipod

I'm on my way I'm making it, huh!
I've got to make it show yeah, hey!
So much larger than life
I'm gonna watch it growing
Hey hey hey heyyyyyyy

The place where I come from is a small town
They think so small, they use small words
But not me, I'm smarter than that,
I worked it out
I'll be stretching my mouth to let those big words come right out
I've had enough, I'm getting out
to the city, the big big city
I'll be a big noise with all the big boys, so much stuff I will own
And I will pray to a big god, as I kneel in the big church

Big time, I'm on my way I'm making it, big time, oh yes
Big time, I've got to make it show yeah, big time
Big time, so much larger than life
Big time, I'm gonna watch it growing, big time
Ho ohh ohh, oh oh, ho ohh ohh, oh ohhh

My parties have all the big names and I greet them with the widest smile
Tell them how my life is one big adventure
and always they're amazed when I show them 'round my house to my bed
I had it made like a mountain rage with a snow white pillow for my big fat head
And my heaven will be a big heaven, and I will walk through the front door

Big Time, I'm on my way I'm making it, big time, Huh!
Big time, I've got to make it show yeah, big time
Big time, so much larger than life
Big time, I'm gonna watch it growing, big time
Big time, my car is getting bigger Big time, my house is getting bigger
Big time, my eyes are getting bigger
and my mouth
Big time, my belly's getting bigger
Big time, and my bank account
Big time, look at my circumstance
Big time, and the bulge in my big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big, hi there

Well done David. Well done.

And now my minions go in for the kill.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Next on my list?

Scarborough is next on my list.
Shovel? Hell he was using a backhoe. Yeah sure I'm supposed to be objective and all that bullshit but I am sorry. I cannot have him spinning party talking points on my watch.

Memo to Tom Brokaw and Ed Rendell: Bite me.

Reason 999 that Tom Brokaw needs to really retire and shut the hell up.
During a panel this afternoon in Denver about media coverage of the presidential campaigns, NBC's Tom Brokaw found himself defending MSNBC, once again. Politico's Michael Calderone attended the panel which was moderated by PBS' Judy Woodruff with participants Brokaw, ABC's George Stephanopoulos and CBS's Bob Schieffer. Also in attendance, Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell, who supported Hillary Clinton in the primary. Rendell and Brokaw began debating NBC's campaign coverage, including the comments by correspondent Lee Cowan as well as MSNBC. "MSNBC was the official network of the Obama campaign," Rendell said, who called their coverage "absolutely embarrassing." Chris Matthews, Rendell said, "loses his impartiality when he talks about the Clintons." Brokaw responded saying "
I think Keith has gone too far. I think Chris has gone too far,"
the veteran NBC newsman said at a forum sponsored by Harvard's Shorenstein press center. Matthews and Keith Olbermann are "not the only voices" on MSNBC.

What the hell? Gone too far? I haven't gone far enough! And someone (namely me) needs to remind the old man that I am MSNBC. I own MSNBC. And half of NBC and he better never, ever forget it. Maybe he should talk to Dan Abrams and Tucker Carlson. Hee hee.

And this putz at Politico? He doesn't like me to begin with so therefore any reports he makes, even if he's quoting other people do not count. But at least he reported the vigorous defense of me by Judy Woodruff. Sure she's an old broad but she knows greatness when she sees it. When Ed Rendell said what he did about MSNBC she replied with this: PBS's Judy Woodruff, who was moderating the moderators event, said:
"Why don’t we let Governor Rendell sit down."
That was met with applause from the crowd of big-time media figures, which included Arianna Huffington, Gwen Ifill, Al Hunt, and Chuck Todd.
They are all my bitches too. And why? Because I'm a big damn deal and they know it. And that's exactly how it should be.

I like the sound of this.

Screw Biden. I'd make a much better running mate. And I'd show my old buddy Bill a few things when it comes to young women. Kudos to my Kos pals. Told you they love, worship and adore me. But why wouldn't they? I'm me after all.

Hat tip to my friend Flowergirl.

Saturday, August 23, 2008


And I'm not talking about John Denver here either. Why couldn't I have just covered this from NYC? It's not like anything is actually going to happen there. We know it's Obama-Biden. Big deal. Why don't they throw parties in MY honor instead? I'm responsible after all for bringing Democracy back to America and making MSNBC #1. Hate Denver the city and the singer. No, never actually been to Denver but how great could it possibly be? NYC and LA are the only two cities that count because those are the only cities on this earth big enough to contain Me.

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Huffington Post has my back.

I like them for that. Seems that their Media editor, Rachel Sklar wanted to post this at Huffington Post. They wouldn't let her. HA! So desperate is this seriously delusional woman to mock me that she sought out an alternative marketplace for her crappy writing. Does she honestly think anyone will ever see this? HA (again).
It's Olbermann's left. That is two things: (1) The partisan coverage that has emerged as a point of controversy over this election season, and (2) Olbermann's personal influence at MSNBC.
See how clueless this woman is? She's expressing surprise at my personal influence at MSNBC. Anyone with half a brain knows that I run own MSNBC.
Emblematic of this issue were MSNBC's primary nights, when Olbermann — well known for his "Special Comments," which often railed against the Bush administration and the GOP — would anchor election-night results, ostensibly from a straight-news perspective. MSNBC president Phil Griffin said he saw "zero problem" with Olbermann's two hats,
Of course Phil sees no problem with it. And you know why? He's my bitch.

It probably has not helped that Olbermann has taken to posting on Daily Kos, a pointedly partisan blog.
Look I have to go where my audience goes. They demand that I speak to them. What better way to do that than Kos? Why can't this woman see the obvious?

Over the past few years, Olbermann's influence at MSNBC has grown as his ratings have increased, his public profile has skyrocketed and the network's third-place ratings have crept upward. Throughout this time, he has also made this influence known, publicly minimizing the role of his superiors in his success or workplace decisions.
Again, I own MSNBC. I am the Man. And it's all about me. I am directly responsible for my success and I tell bozos like Griffin where to go and how to get there. Why does this come as such a shock to Ms. Sklar?
About Griffin this past June in a New Yorker profile, Olbermann said of now-president Griffin: "Phil thinks he's my boss."
I was merely stating a fact. It's pretty obvious isn't it? Again, Ms. Sklar acts like this is somehow a badthing.

No wonder Huffington Post wouldn't allow her to post this crap. Read this outraged post as she hints darkly that my running owning MSNBC is somehow a bad thing.
This becomes all the more significant considering Olbermann's own posting of the news yesterday on Daily Kos. Olbermann made a point of taking credit for having a role in the decision ("Yes, I had something to do with it") and elicited a similar claim from Maddow last night on his show. At no time did he mention Abrams or what show currently aired at 9 p.m.; that's not surprising, because he has never mentioned "Verdict" on his show or done the traditional 'throw' from one show to another to keep viewers tuned in (I am aware of only one throw, after the final primary.) However, on Wednesday's Countdown, he suggested to Maddow that he'd happily throw to her for a few chatty minutes. That network anchors might not be best buddies isn't exactly groundbreaking, but putting all of this together suggests something lopsided at MSNBC. It's not particularly opaque, either; here's Jossip's headline, "Rachel Maddow's New Show: The Most Solid Evidence Yet That Keith Olbermann Runs MSNBC"; here is New York's Daily Intel: "With Appointment of Rachel Maddow to Prime-Time Host, Keith Olbermann Appears to Officially Run MSNBC." Maddow obviously was a rising star at MSNBC anyway, but this isn't about why she was hired, this is about who she replaced, and why -- and, behind the scenes, by whom.
I'm the ego that roared baby. Hold on, it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Olbermann-Patrick reunion should conjure magic again

Could? Is there any doubt?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Why does Jossip Vex Me So?

So why does Jossip insist on posting these kind of pieces about me?
On 09/08/08, a one Keith Olbermann will mark his nearly complete takeover of the network. Yes, Olbermann might as well hold Phil Griffin's title as MSNBC chief, since, according to knowledgeable sources and all outside appearances, he's making the calls.
I have nothing against the facts per se in this article. It's technically right on each factoid presented here. Of course it's my network. Of course I've taken over. The ego has landed, hello? Ring a bell? But what do I resent? The idea that this guy seems to have that my take over is some sort of bad thing.
Yesterday afternoon, it was Olbermann who made the official announcement about Maddow. Bizarre? Yes. Especially since he called it a "fully authorized leak" in his DailyKos posting. You'd be right in thinking these announcements usually break by a spokesman, in a newspaper's business section perhaps, and not on a liberal blog that talent writes for.
I'm me. Rules do not apply. And if I, as leader of MSNBC wants to announce something on a blog, then I'll damn well announce it on my blog so my beloved fans can share in my continued victories with me. What's wrong with that?

When he jokes, "She wanted to [call the show] Countdown With Keith Olbermann," he's barely humoring himself. And in his blog post, he all but takes credit for her getting her own hour. Worth noting, too: Olbermann and Maddow share agents. He introduced her to his.
Of course we "share" agents. I believe in keeping my friends close (if I had any left) and my enemies closer. Better to be in my tent peeing out than peeing in, if you know what I mean. And re the humoring myself? It's all about me! Hello! What part of that doesn't this idiot get?

Incidentally, this also means Olbermann is taking credit for ousting Dan Abrams from his 9pm hour. It's no secret Olbermann hates Abrams, and vice versa. When Abrams was general manager of MSNBC, before returning to his primetime show, the two barely spoke, and Olbermann was confident enough in his chair to privately and, in barely blind form in public, bash Abrams.
Hee hee. Yeah, I'm the biggest swinging dick at MSNBC baby. And it's my way or the highway. First Tucker, now little Danny. Let him go hang at the Hamptons and date Hollywood startlets-General Manager of MSNBC my ass. I showed him.

He's been actively lobbying to have his own show repeat from 11pm-midnight, booting Jeff Zucker's "Doc Block" initiative. If it happens, Olbermann will effectively run 4 hours of the network's evening.
See what I mean? He says that like it's a bad thing. More me in primetime. It's what America wants needs. Yes, MSNBC would be perfect if they'd just rename it KONBC and run me 24/7. (Note to self: Lobby for all of the daytime lineup too).

And if you're still not certain Olbermann sees Maddow as more than just an ally, but a means of controlling the network, just look to last night's show, where he had Maddow fess up that he was responsible for her getting a show. And Olbermann half-joked he would stay on the air until 9:02pm to help Maddow's ratings with his own stretched lead-in. Don't be surprised when this actually happens. And also? Don't be surprised when Olbermann begins lobbying for control over the 7pm hour, currently helmed by Chris Matthews, so he can fix up his own ratings lead-in. (He's made no secret that he's not happy with Matthew's performance in that department.)
Okay so once again this Jossip guy fails to show me the proper respect befitting the fabulousness that is me. I don't like that. I like fawning articles which mention me as the 21st Century Murrow. But the little dick got one thing right, I made Maddow recognize who was boss. And I showed my fans who is Santa Claus, bringing them 3-hours of interrupted liberal programming. Again, it's what America needs.

Of course MSNBC is building its brand around its liberal politics, and Olbermann is the face of it. What's unnerving, though, is MSNBC's continued denial of this strategy. Instead, they're applying Fox News' open joke — that despite leaning conservative, they're still fair and balanced — to themselves. And whereas FNC seems to be in on the joke about its obvious bias, MSNBC isn't quite there yet.
Oh trust me, they're there. (I had to drag them kicking and screaming but they're there. Finally).

The only question left to be answered, then, is what to make of Phil Griffin? Is he the lame duck many think he is, or the puppet master behind Olbermann's ascent? A straw poll suggests the former.
He's kidding right? I run the network. It's my network. Phil is just my enabler. Sure he compared me to an abusive boyfriend. But he always comes running back for more. So does America. And why? Because I'm me and that's all you need to know.

New add to the enemies list: CJR

What do these guys know about journalism anyway? Merely putting the word "journalism" in your title doesn't mean you know jack about the profession. I mean come on, Faux claims to be a "news" network but we all know they are the house organ for the GOP.

That’s right, kids: last night was Special Comment night on Countdown. A little bit Murrow, a little bit O’Reilly; a little bit country, a little bit rock ‘n roll—and always filled with vitriol. Olbermann’s performance, this time around, was particularly melodramatic: as the former sports reporter swooped and spun (again, rhetorically) while railing against the “immaturity” of the GOP’s presumptive nominee, he indulged in even more Dramatic Sighs and Angered Shakes of the Head than usual. Quite the floor routine.

Okay I'm cool with the Murrow comparison. And yes, I do owe Bill-O a little something (like a guaranteed 3-5 minutes of my show devoted to him per night), but I've never liked country music. Rock and roll? Damn straight baby. I'm the Elvis of Anchormen! (What? I need a younger reference for my 25 and unders?) Okay scratch Elvis, uhm--Bono. I'm the Bono of newsanchors minus the weird sunglasses and the Irish accent. But come on, questioning my vitriol? I'm angry dammit! I'm angry at the last 8 years of this country under GOP oppression. My audience is angry too and I'm just saying what they would if they had a tv newscast. Melodramatic? It's called TV! You have to grab the audience by their balls (or other assorted genitalia) to get their attention. Swooped and spun? Yes, it's called camera blocking. All actorsanchors do it! I doubt this joker has ever even watched a local newscast let alone a nationwide, huge-hit like Countdown. "Indulged in Dramatic sighs and Angered Shakes of the Head?" Again, I'm angry. I'm expressing my anger. What's wrong with that buddy boy?
So while Olbermann, as he generally does, bolstered his bloviations with solid reporting…the whole thing was ultimately more circus than ceremony. And one lacking in, among other things, sportsmanship.
Sportsmanship? There is no sportsmanship in politics idiot. Circus? Ceremony? No, it's called news. And I'm the Murrow of the 21st Century. The NY Times said so. CJR? Who reads that crap? And trust me, this so-called review is all crap.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

See, I told you I ran MSNBC.

And I just can't help myself when it comes to reminding everyone that I do. Rachel gets her own show and I get those Kossacks off my butt. They owe me one now and they better not forget it. And Rachel? That goes double for you.

And Dan Abrams? So-called former "General Manager" of MSNBC? That's what happens to people who think they're my boss.

Now let's all kick back and enjoy this very fine tune from my good friend, Patti Smith. Yes, it is indeed good to run MSNBC rule the world.

Watch my brilliance.

And the best part of all? A guaranteed ratings booster for me. Life.Is.Good.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Radar does not.

So Radar has another one of these stupid lists this morning. They don't like me. I in turn, despise them for not liking me. Don't they realize my greatness? Apparently not. I'm still pissed at them for the last stupid thing they wrote about me. This ridiculous claim that even my own staff doesn't like me (of course my staff doesn't "like" me, they worship me! And that's what they are supposed to do!). So what BS is Radar peddling this morning? Stupid list of supposed "winners" and "losers" in this year's political pundit/newscaster race.
The former sportscaster has finally found his voice as a lefty pundit. Sadly, it's unhinged, pompous, and sounds a lot like Bill O'Reilly's.

Called out by in May for his "gasbag" Special Comments (which leave us feeling drenched with spittle), Olbermann has boosted his show's ratings by morphing into Bill-O's liberal doppelgänger, but he's losing credibility. Fast.

Look, first of all, I don't "race" anyone. I am always number one, got it? Good, now don't forget it. Unhinged? I'll show you unhinged buddy. You're going on my list pronto as you clearly don't get the genius and greatness that is me. Pompous? Okay I'll cop to that. But I'm me! I am greatness! I can't help but be pompous. It's a heavy burden, sure but it's all part of being Keith Olbermann's ego. And how dare you compare me to a hack like O'Reilly? Okay, sure I do owe him a little, okay, a lot (like my complete hate and constant derision), I am no Bill O'Reilly dammit! I'm smarter, better-looking, younger (slightly), and I have a hot girlfriend (she's 23, did I mention that yet)? And re credibility? Are you f'ing kidding me? Have you seen Fox? I rest my case.

So this Radar BS is nothing but lies. And how do I know this? Because they had to say this about Chuck Todd:
Dazzling viewers with his nerdy mastery of delegate math, this former print journalist leaped into the top echelon of know-it-alls this spring. Dubbed "Mr. Spock," "the smartest man on TV," and "the designated driver of MSNBC's political coverage,"
The smartest man on television? That's me dammit. I skipped a year of high school. I have a genius IQ. I am, have always been, and will always be the smartest man on television. And don't you ever forget it! Chuck Todd? Do you know where that little bastard ranks at in importance at MSNBC? Low enough to buff my shoes every morning. I'll show HIM who the designated driver at MSNBC is (even though I can't actually drive. Long story short: subway, baseball game, head injury, peripheral vision loss, etc. Who needs to drive anyway? I have people for that).

Where was I? Oh yeah, more proof of Radar's stupidity? They claim Joe Scarborough is better than me. And Rachel Maddow too. I run MSNBC so both of these mental midgets work for me. So there is no way possible on this earth that either of them, or both of them put together are possibly better than me. See what I mean? Radar=Stupid.

They got one thing right though. Chris Matthews sucks.
An insecure spaz
HA! Love it. Okay so the article isn't a complete pack of lies. Just mostly.

Gawker Gets It.

Not only does Gawker have a very fine photo of myself this morning, it also explains why my key demo is the only demo there is.
The Times points out today that, amid heightened political activity among young, mostly liberal voters, MSNBC has added nearly 40,000 18-to-34-year-old viewers during prime time, far more than either Fox News or CNN. It is now number one among the young in those hours, while Fox News is dead last. That makes sense politically: Republicans are, as a group, significantly older the Democrats.
I like the sound of that. As you know, 18-to-34 is also my preferred dating demographic.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Ah. . .another song about my favorite subject: me. me. me.


Hello. Did you miss me?
I know I'm hard to resist
Y'all can come and help me pick the sweetcorn out of this.
It's hard to be humble
When you're so fucking big
Did you ever meet a sexier male chauvinist pig

I'm gonna milk it till I turn it into cheese
Tell your babes in arms and OAP's
Come take a piece of me

If you drop me I'll fall to pieces on you
If you don't see me I don't exist
It's nice to meet you
Now let me go and wash my hands
Cause you just met the world's most handsome man
The world's most handsome man

Y'all know who I am
I'm still the boy next door
That's if you're Lord Litchfield and Roger Moore
Have I gone up in the world
or has the world gone down on me
I'm the one who put the Brits in celebrity

Give in and love it
What's the point in hating me
You can't argue with popularity
Well you could
But you'd be wrong

If you drop me I'll fall to pieces on you
If you don't need me I don't exist
You voted for me
Now let me see a show of hands
Here before you stands

Can you make me laugh and sign this autograph
Though it's not for me
Flip a grin, shake a thing, name a shame
Then I'm out of here
It's not very complicated
I'm just young and overrated

Please don't drop me I'll fall to pieces on you
If you don't see me I don't exist
It's nice to meet you
Now let me go and wash my hands
Cause you just met the world's most handsome man
Here before you stands
Please don't drop me I'll fall to pieces on you
If you don't need me I don't exist
It's nice to meet you
Now let me go and wash my hands
Cause you just met the world's most handsome man
The world's most handsome man
The world's most handsome man
The world's most handsome man

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Next on my list? This guy from the NY Observer

So this "Steve" person at the NY Observer decided to correct me in public. Big mistake. Big. Big. Big Mistake. Huge in fact. Never, ever, do you hear me correct me in public. If I make a mistake dammit then it's your responsibility as a so-called journalist to back-me up, not correct me, got it?

If I say, and I did,
Warner's rising star might actually dim the VP chances for Virginia's current governor, Tim Kaine on this simple theory. Warner speaks on Tuesday night, the vice presidential candidate makes his acceptance speech on Wednesday night. It is unlikely that out of the universe of possible speakers, two Virginia governors would be scheduled for major speeches on successive convention nights.
then that's the way it's going to be okay? (Note to self: Call the Obama campaign immediately and make sure they're on the same page with me so I make this guy out to be a punk loser for correcting me.)

But what does this idiot do? He decides to "school" me with some alleged facts. So not cool "Steve".
Here’s the problem with this thinking: It’s surprisingly common at conventions for the keynote speaker and the V.P. nominee to hail from the same state. Like in:

* 1984, when New York Governor Mario Cuomo delivered the keynote address that made him famous, followed a few nights later by the vice-presidential acceptance speech of New York Congresswoman Geraldine Ferraro. Hell, Cuomo and Ferraro didn’t just share a home state – they came from the same borough.

* 1988, when Texas state Treasurer Ann Richards keynoted the Democratic convention in Atlanta – where fellow Texan Lloyd Bentsen was subsequently nominated for vice president.

* 1996, when Staten Island’s own Susan Molinari was Bob Dole’s handpicked keynote speaker at the Republican convention in San Diego, just as Molinari’s fellow New Yorker, former Rep. and H.U.D. Secretary Jack Kemp, was Dole V.P. choice.

* And while it’s not technically the same, it’s worth noting that Al Gore saw not problems in 2000 when, as the Democrats’ presidential nominee, he asked his fellow Tennessean Harold Ford Jr. to deliver the keynote address.
As Homer Simpson would say, "D'oh!" Look do you think I have time to go and look up little things like facts? Hell no! I've got "Annie from NY" on my ass waiting to pounce on me like a PUMA outside of 30 Rock, I've got a 20-something girlfriend (insert obligatory reference to live-in here) to support, not to mention my blogging duties at Kos. There are only so many hours in the day pal and I don't have time to do research. And my staff? They're busy running my personal errands. I'm so busy I don't even have time to reimburse them when they make expenses on my behalf-and this putz thinks I've got time to go look up something boring like who gave a damn keynote on which night in 1984 when my girlfriend wasn't even born yet? Clearly "Steve" wasn't thinking of me, Keith Olbermann, and the many demands on my time when he penned (typed) this missive.

And to add insult to injuring my bruised ego he adds this little paragraph at the end of his loser piece
I agree with the consensus that has emerged in the media: Kaine is unlikely to be Obama’s running-mate. He lacks any meaningful national security and foreign policy experience and his resume as an elected official is about as thin as Obama’s. But there's really no reason to assume that the selection of one Virginian automatically excludes another. Especially when you consider that this year’s keynote address will almost certainly be overshadowed by a certain junior senator from New York.
WTF? So why bother to even write this column if you were going to contradict yourself and admit that I was right? (And I'm always right, got it)? Loser.

So add this guy to my list along with Matthews, Maddow, assorted ex-girlfriends, Rupert Murdoch, Page Six, and my arch-nemesis, O'Reilly. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate that guy?

Friday, August 15, 2008

Another song from my IPod

I'm not exactly thrilled with you either "Annie"

So this angry person writes this blog entry about me. And she actually claims to remember, word-for-word, our entire exchange when she ran into me near 30 Rock. I have no problem with her writing about me but where's the love? Where's the fawning? I need that dammit. I'm used to abuse by the GOPers; I live to make them hate me but my own liberal brethren or sisteren(real word? it is now). That's beyond the pale.

He was nervous and nerdy, hands in his pockets the whole time, he really seemed like a hollow fool. i was actually very surprised, i thought he had more than this.
Look babe, I have to save something for the show. You can't possibly expect me to waste my brilliance and wit on some chick I meet on the street.

Ok, what is with the hillary hate.I don't hate her.
gimme a break. what is your problem with her, just tell me.
i don't hate her, i hate her policies and tactics
See how angry this woman was? I love the Clintons. They invite me to parties. Hillary's mom loves me-although I kinda doubt I'll ever get another invitation to one of their parties again after this primary season no matter how many checks I write to the Clinton foundation, but still, once upon a time they loved me. And I thank you to remember that for the future, okay "Annie"?

her policies? Obama is to the right of her!
he's moving to the middle because he's trying to win!
the middle?! he agrees with alito and scalia on the death penalty, he actually wants *more* death penalties, what kind of policy is that? Now he's against affirmative action...well he's trying to winwell not only did he vote yay on fisa, but now at&t is sponsoring the convention. that's ok with you?
well, i was very mad about his vote on fisa.

See how pissed this woman was because I chose to back Obama and not her best bud Hillary? Look what was I supposed to do? Obama was going to win the nomination. And I had to back the winner dammit! And oh boy do I know about FISA. Those people at Kos nailed me to the wall on that one and I had to do a special comment and all of that because they did. They act like I owe them something because I blog on their damn site. Don't they know that it's all about me and not them? I'm there to plug my show and receive love, what don't they get about that? Anyway--don't remind me about FISA, Obama, and Daily Kos ever again okay? And by all means, don't point out the obvious to me here. If I hate Hillary's policies and tactics what else is there to actually like about her? Thank God this woman wasn't bright enough to follow through on that statement!

There's more there. She tried to make me feel bad because Hillary lost the nomination. Yada yada yada. Blah blah blah. Whatever chick.

But then she has the nerve to write this about me on her damned blog:
The entire time, NO INTELLECTUAL RESPONSE WHAT-SO-EVER. NONE. NADA. ZILCH. Nothing new, just anything that some uninformed kid on the street would say. WOW. He was very nice, but i was blown away by how lame his responses were. amazing. He even at one point mentioned that he was called a misogynist, as if he couldn't understand why! wow. Maybe he didn't think suggesting someone should kill Sen. Clinton, hatred. *shrug*.

Hey! I was polite to you so what's the problem? So I'm not the genius you thought I was? Sue me. I have a lot on my mind. Baseball. Chicks. Got it?

And I only mentioned the misogynist thing because it really hurts. You know why? This. Fifty damn thousand hits about me being a misogynist. I love women. Come on. I love them! I even live with one. And she's 23! See how much women love me? And why wouldn't they? I'm Keith Fucking Olbermann! Respect woman! Show me some respect! No love from this angry "Annie" that's for sure. Oh well who needs her? America loves me. women love me (really they do) and that's all I need. Attention and love.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Me as VP?

I like the sound of that. Sure this guy is a Republican apologist but look, he recognizes me as a potential Veep candidate. What's not to love about that?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Citizen Journalists? Not on my watch.

So Page Six is at it again. Those guys hate me. The feeling is mutual. But at least they recognize that I'm a big, big, big star and worthy of being written about. And because I'm a big, big, big star they hate me and print lies about me (except when it's true which I'll never admit).

Let me break down today's little item for you.
KEITH Olbermann is again being an embarrassment to MSNBC.
Embarrassment? I'm their star. It's my network. They wouldn't be a network without me. I'm the only reason that so-called perpetually third-place network gets any attention at all. The Post is just jealous of me.

The cable channel and MySpace have teamed up to choose two "citizen journalist" correspondents to cover the upcoming national political conventions. The "journalists" will be featured both on MySpace and MSNBC's campaign coverage. A spy said, "Every anchor is onboard and willing to play along, except Keith. He refuses to participate because MySpace is owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp." - which also owns Fox News and The Post.
Don't they understand that the Post and Rupert and Fox News are my mortal enemies? Okay so my feuding with them has become a central part of every night's broadcast but it's important people. It's far more important than any news item I could possibly ever substitute in its place because America cares about me and they want to know who my enemies are, and what matters to me, Keith Olbermann. It's important because it does matter to me, Keith Olbermann. So why on earth did the suits at NBC Universal think I'd play along with anything concerning Rupert Murdoch? America just doesn't understand what I have to go through when dealing with the suits. I'm smarter than they are: I'm smarter than everyone and everybody. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb idea! But I showed 'em. Read on.

A rep for Olbermann said, "There are no plans for the contest winners to be on any programs other than 'Morning Joe.'
That's the official story. Let me tell you the real story. So the suits had this really stupid idea. What made them think I'd publicize anything to do with Rupert Murdoch? See what I mean? They're stupid! But not me. I'm brilliant. But you already knew that right? I know you do because I like to point it out every single chance I get. I'm smart, you're not, and that's just the way it is. Love me, envy me, recognize, that's all I'm asking here people. Work with me on this, there is no truth but the one I tell got it?

Anyway, so let me translate and tell you what the publicist wasn't saying. Yeah, sure, there were plans originally for these citizen freaks to be on every single MSNBC program but since I refused to play with anything remotely having to do with Rupert Murdoch I forced the network to significantly scale back their plans so now these citizen whatevers will only be on Morning Joe and no one watches that train wreck anyway. That way I get my revenge on Murdoch, I make the suits at 30 Rock recognize yet again that it's all about me and what I want and if I don't want citizen journalists then they'll be exiled to Siberia (that's what we call MJ here at MSNBC). I'm happy and now they're not so someone went whining to the Post but who cares? It's about me and what I want. My name gets printed in Page Six yet again and as long as people are writing about me, I'm very happy. So what if it's not flattering? Big f'ing deal. Page Six recognizes me. I'm on their pages along with billionaires, movie stars, Madonna, and A-Rod (he's my buddy btw).

See what kind of idiots I'm forced to work with? I am the network. I am MSNBC. I'm the only damn journalist this two-bit network has got and that's why I run the network. It's my network, not theirs and they were stupid enough to try and make a decision without considering my wants and needs. Will they ever learn? Sure they will but as you can see, I have to remind them of that on a near daily basis. Idiots.

Anyway, so there you have it. The real story. Yeah sure Page Six was factually correct but factually correct doesn't matter in my world and my world is the only world that there is. Screw Murdoch, the Post, Page Six, MySpace, Citizen Journalists, and whatever else stupid idea that the promo department comes up with. If I don't want to play then the game is over. This kind of thing is fun for me, I get more publicity, I had the satisfaction of forcing the suits to fold and the publicists at MSNBC scramble yet again to cover for my how shall we say, intransigence? It doesn't get any better for me that that. I get to show them yet again who really runs that network. And we all know it's my network right? I'm the only anchor MSNBC needs and will ever need. Me. Me. Me. Me. And that's the way it should be because in the end, all that matters is me and what I want. Nothing else. Just me me me me. And never forget, it's all about me.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

MSNBC is the place for......

me. Keith Olbermann's ego. Olympics? You think anyone cares about that? No. They care about me. It's my network after all. Personally I think that the network would get better ratings if they'd just run me on a continuous loop for 24 hours straight. Many of my more devoted fans (and they're all devoted to me) watch my show 2x a night. That's the kind of devotion I'm looking for. Olympics? Politics? No, just rebrand MSNBC to MSNBme and everything would be so much better.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Watch it Rachel.

You know how my arch-nemesis Bill-O is always putting people on his watch list? I'm about to whip-out a watch-list of my very own and at the top of the list will be this name: Rachel Maddow.

It was bad enough when MSNBC had her sub for me. Her ratings were a little bit too close to my regular ratings for my comfort. I own that network you know. And I'm the King. And no one should even begin to think about messing with the king.

So what's Rachel done you ask? Stolen my damn agent. I got news for you Rachel. She's your agent now because she's really keeping an eye out for me. Because she understands me. I'm her one and only client no matter how many she has on her roster. Because I'm the most important person in broadcasting. Period. Got it? Good, now don't forget it.

And while you're at it, remember this too: I keep my friends close (actually I don't really have that many friends. But who needs friends when I have me?) where was I? Oh yeah I keep my friends close but my enemies closer.

Me and Daily Kos

I love Daily Kos. I love it so much I regularly blog and comment there. But sometimes they don't seem to love me too much. Take this guy (gal-who knows)?
On Monday during "Countdown" TV host Keith Olbermann marveled at the presence of the Leaning Tower of Pisa in the now famous "celeb" ad released by John McCain's campaign. The problem: The object to which Olbermann refers was NOT the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but a structure located at the site of Obama's Berlin speech, called the "Victory Column".
Listen you little creep, if I say it's the Leaning Tower of Pisa, it's the Leaning Tower of Pisa got it?

That's not all. Olbermann also claimed to have seen the Washington Monument in the ad in question, which is flat-out false. The Washington Monument is not in the ad either.
Does this guy/gal actually think I have the kind of time to watch the damn ad?

Turns out he does.
Keith is both clueless and arrogant, hence my decision to make him center of this diary. Furthermore, as progressive media critic Bob Somerby observed today "He’d (Olbermann) had twelve hours to check his facts—but he still was repeating these world-class blunders..."
Okay I'll own up to being arrogant. I am Keith Olbermann's Ego after all. But clueless? Me? No, I just don't have the kind of time to watch this stuff. I have staff for that buddy.

Okay so I screwed up. Big deal, Washington Monument, Leaning Tower of Pisa, whatever. They're both big and white, right? What's the big diff exactly? I was close enough. But this little creep continued on to insult me even further:
Spare us the BS next time, Keith, and start justifying the ginormous salary MSNBC pays you. Watching the video was all it took for you to have avoided making an ass of yourself. Too late now.

I have feelings. I hurt. I need love. I need so much love. Thankfully my Kossacks were there to defend me. 300 plus comments baby! I am the king! I am the King of All Media. (Yeah I know that's Howard Stern's title but does he has his own cable news network tv show? Does he run a damn cable news network like I do? That's what I thought). Where was I? Oh yes, The love. My Kossacks love me. And that's the way I Keith Olbermann's ego loves it.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I bet this song is about me.

And now more about me.

This is why I had to have my own blog. People were already writing about me. See, I'm as famous as my alter-ego! But I can't say I particularly like their interpretations of me. They keep talking about me like I'm a bad thing. But at least they are talking about me and how can that be a bad thing? I love publicity. Any publicity. and lots of it. I do love basking in my own self-reflected glory. And when you've got an ego as big as I am there's enough kilowat power generated by all that self-reflected glory to power NYC for a year or three.

Another Ego Speaks

I thought it would be instructive for my fans to understand how my ego thinks, which is why I began this blog, and let's face it, my ego is too large to be contained on just one blog. Sure Kos is great but it doesn't let me be me. I have to remain serious, ernest, and all that crap when I'm there. Here I can have a bit of fun and educate my fans a bit more. I thought it would be instructive for my fans to observe how an ego-leading personality works. And there is no better example than that poor Bastard John Edwards who lacked the finese that I, Keith Olbermann, have in making people see things my way, which of course, as we all know, is the only way it should be. Because it's all about me.

August 8, 2008
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs.
Translation: "I got caught. And i'm trying to spin this so it looks like I give a damn about my family. And that whole serious error in judgment? You bet your ass it was a serious error in judgement. The chick talked too much and didn't use birth control."

I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness.
Translation: "She found out and I had to fess up." But my ego has to give John props here for his use of the word "liaison". That's French. Classy. So much classier than saying "affair".

Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public.
Translation? "Tell the pubic? Are you out of your f'ing mind? I'm not stupid. And painful? Yes it was very painful to me that I got caught."

When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough.
Translation: Right out of the Keith Olbermann Ego Playbook (that'll be my next book by the way). First take a jab at the tabloid press-works like a charm for me every time that damn Murdoch prints something about me in the Post that I don't like. And recasting himself as being the new poster-child of honesty? Brilliant.

I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public.
Translation? "You can bet your ass I hopeed it would never become public." "My choices? Oh yeah I regret my choices. I realize now I could have done better because this chick is old. And not nearly as pretty as I am. But she recognized how attractive I am and that's all that really matters.

With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly.
Translation: I got caught. The National Enquirer has a gun to my head and now I have to take full responsibility because it's what America expects me to do. If there was a Betty Ford for screwing around, I could go there and all would be well becaue that's what you do when you get caught in America: apologize and go to rehab and everybody forgives you

But that misconduct took place for a short period in 2006. It ended then. I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established. I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby. I also have not been engaged in any activity of any description that requested, agreed to or supported payments of any kind to the woman or to the apparent father of the baby.
Translation: Yeah the kid's probably mine. But if I come forward and offer to take the test and she refuses then it looks like I'm telling the truth and she's lying. And by having someone else funnel money to her and the fall-guy self-proclaimed baby daddy I again look like a paragon of virtue. And by being non-specific about what kind of activity "ended" in 2006? Again, genius.

It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.
Translation? You got me. Because John completely fumbled the ball here. He failed to embrance being narcissistic and self-centered and you know that I, Keith Olbermann's Ego, feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with self-love.

If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.
Translation: "Oh I was stripped bare alright. So was she. And damn it was fun. Until I got caught. And it's actually Lizzie that's been doing the beating me thing. And work? Damn straight I have to work to make those back alley support payments."

I have given a complete interview on this matter and having done so, will have nothing more to say.
Translation? "Because I'm arrogant enough to think that this is all I have to say."

See how easy it is? As the great J.R. Ewing once observed, "Once you can fake sincerity, everything else is a piece of cake."

Friday, August 8, 2008

In defense of egos

So John Edwards had this to say today,
It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up - feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.

I'll tell you what's inadequate here John, it's this statement you gave on cheating on my pal Elizabeth (you know she totally loves me and watches my show right?) Let me count the ways you went wrong with this statement. First off, you use the words egocenric, and narcissistic like they are a bad thing. Egos aren't bad John, and I should know, right? So don't run from it John: own it. embrace it. Just go with it: admit you're a self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic SOB. You want to be president of the US. Why would you possibly want to be running for president if you weren't a total me-freak? You have to be an egomaniac to want to run the free world right pal? I hear you man. I understand what it's like to live with a massive ego. Mine's so big it had to have its own blog (Kos wasn't big enough for us both).

Mistake numbero two-o? Suggesting that it's something you have to "reform" from. Why the hell would you want your ego to reform? Yeah sure you're going through hell right now but you know what my pal Winston Churchill said? Keep going! (OK I really didn't know Winston Churchill but it sounds so impressive when I quote him doesn't it?) Having a big fat ego is a wonderful thing. I love mine. Look where it's gotten me! I have my own cable tv show network. Yeah, I run MSNBC. That's how big a damn deal I am: I have my own cable news network.

Number three: The old chick? No man. So not the way to roll. You get 'em young. Trust me, they're easier to con than these old chicks are. And paying one for a "job"? Hook them up with their own job, not just the fake BS job you got your piece. Trust me on this: a real job keeps them busy, occupied and out of the house so you can score even more chicks on the side. Because when you have egos like we do John, you're a babe-magnet, right my friend?

And number 4? Oh man. Meeting a woman in a hotel? Don't even get me started on that one. self-explanatory.

Since this is a Countdown, I need a number 5. Nope. I got nothing more to say. Just this. I knew I was right when I picked Lizzie over you for Pres.

Reasons why Dan Patrick and Deadspin suck

So Dan made his debut on the NBC Networks last night in his new role as a co-host with me on Football Night in America. Yeah America, that's right, we're going to be kicking it old school style just like we did back in the day at ESPN where we created Sports TV Anchoring as you know it. You know those wise-ass guys who think they're funny on local TV? You can thank me and Dan for inspiring them. Even though they are all just sad, pale imitators of the genuine article. Anyway so Dan was on with me last night on Countdown. And what did the SOB do? Posed himself so his Emmy Award was visible behind him throughout the whole damn interview. So what if he won an Emmy for Sports Hosting. Big f'ing deal. I have an ACE award for doing the same thing. He can take that Emmy and put it up......well, you get the picture.

P.S.: Whatever idiot on my staff who set up that live-shot? You're so fired.

Oh and Deadspin? You're on my list now too. What do you mean we failed to recapture the magic? It was a 3-minute freaking interview! Watch us this fall and weep as we recreate history, make magic, kick ass and take names. You ask why we're still relevant? Because I'm Keith Olbermann and that's all you need to know. Worship me. Please worship me. I need love. Lots of love. And fawning. Lots and lots of fawning. And nothing less is acceptable to me. And Patrick? Same goes for you. Kiss my fat ass because you and I both know you'd never have gotten the NFL gig without me, Keith Olbermann. Just call me "Sir" and we'll get along just fine, got it?

A word on the inspiration for this blog. . and a note of Thanks to Flowergirl

And now a word from the real me, not Keith's Ego-it's currenly in a cage under lock and key so I can blog as me, not it.

I want to go on the record here as being in debt to Flowergirl at Countdown and Keith Olbermann, because it was her blog that inspired me to start this one. I think she's totally got Keith's number. She dares to ask questions which is not popular at all with Keith's fans who rabidly defend him no matter what and/or tend to ignore questionable actions and/or statements.

And no I don't hate Keith. I've been a CD fan for years, but over the past couple of years I've noticed that as the popularity of the show grew, the quality of Countdown declined. It's rapidly becoming just an echo chamber of "yes" men (and women) who repeat what Keith has just said. How is anyone going to benefit from that? I don't see anything to be gained by Keith and his fandom devolving into the liberal version of Limbaugh's "dittoheads" who need and have to hear their political views reinforced or get the Dem talking points on a 24/7 basis. No one side of the political spectrum is right 100% of the time but you sure wouldn't know it from watching CD.

So I began this blog mostly as a joke but also to call Keith Out when necessary, 2-To poke a little fun at the massive ego that is Keith Olbermann, and 3-to say what i really think about Keith in a goofy way w/o being accused of not being a true fan.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Damn Dana Milbank! So who the hell does he think he is to give an interview to Politico? Who cares about him anyway? I made the official statement about this entire affair le Milbank on my official website of record, Daily Kos. What more could there possibly be to say but this:

This saved your crack Countdown staff an increasingly difficult decision. For nearly a week we'd been waiting for him to offer a correction
or an explanation for his column from last week in which he apparently reported
an Obama quote without a full context turned the meaning of the quote
inside-out.We had decided not to have Dana on this news-hour again until this was cleared up, and, sadly after some very happy years, he's apparently chosen to make that cloud permanent

I fired him because he lied about Obama dammit! That is the entire story. The true story. So what does the little bastard do? Contradict me!What if those damn Kossacks find out I lied to them? The nerve of Milbank--telling the Politico I really got pissed with him after he said something nice about a Republican. Hey everybody knows the ground rules of my show. No nice talk about the GOP-it makes the Kos crowd very unhappy when anyone does that. And the Kossacks have to love me. Because I need love and approval. Lots of love and approval. But what if a few of them believe him? What then? What about me?

So what if I used his defection to CNN to play up to the Kossacks and claim he was fired when he was history a month or more ago? It is about me after all and what is best for me, not anyone else, not the fans, not Milbank and damn sure not that Bill-O guy on Fox. Hate him. (Note to self: Add Milbank to enemies list-pronto. And that bastard at Politico for believing him and printing the truth.) The only truth that matters after all is my version of it.

Read about me. Because I know you want to.

This sucker loves me. But who doesn't? (Okay so those right-wing bastards who love Fox News and Bill-O don't but screw them.)

Dana Milbank's ego isn't as big as mine

That's why he had to go. Well that and everyone at Daily Kos was pissed at me because I didn't ask him about this whole Obama thing. Boy were they pissed. And I can't have them pissed at me, the fabulous Keith Olbermann. I need love. I need worship. I need affirmations that I am wonderful. Why else would I post during the middle of my own television show on Kos if not to show them how much I love them (okay I need them because I really don't love anyone other than myself but they don't need to know that--it's just between you and me and Keith). Where was I? Oh yeah, Milbank.

So after five years of being one of my best on-air buddies (do you really think that I'd associate with these people off-air?) Milbank had to go because everyone at Kos was pissed with him and by extension, with me. And I need love. I need lots of love. I need fawning. Lots and lots of fawning. Okay so Milbank had already let us know he was going to leave us for CNN. (Did I mention I left CNN twice? Such losers. They just didn't appreciate my greatness.) What? Milbank. Oh yeah, him. Okay so Milbank told us the day before he printed the Obama column he was leaving to go to those bastards at CNN. Whatever. I don't need him. My show doesn't need him (Anyone seen Craig Crawford? Yeah I know he was totally in the tank for Hillary but I need a Milbank substitute, stat!).

So anyway, Milbank is gone to CNN. Good riddance. But did he have to try and show me up by telling everyone he was out the door before I claimed I'd fired him from my show? Bastard. I'll get even with him for this. But it's okay. Because My fans adore me. And why wouldn't they? I am, of course, Keith Olbermann. And I canned Milbank no matter what that little bastard says. And Here. And here. Oh screw it, he's lying, and I'm right. Because I'm always right no matter what the facts really show. Remember that okay?

Hey, wow--did you see all those comments at TV Newser about me, Keith Olbermann? People are talking about me! Me. Me. Me. Me! It's all about me. And that's the way I, Keith Olbermann, like it.

It's all about me.

Keith Olbermann's massive ego here. You know, an hour of tv time each weeknight is just not enough to tell you all about my favorite subject. Me. Me. Me. It's all about me. And that's the way America loves it. Haven't you seen my ratings? Young people love me! Bill O'Reilly? I'm killing him in the key demo of 25-54. Yeah, he's scared. He's really scared. And he should be. I have HALF the viewers he does and gaining rapidly (okay if you define rapidly as the last 5 years). Whatever. I'm loved. People watch me. They watch me every night! Me. Me. Me. All about me!