Happy Anniversary to Bill O'Reilly

How could this have escaped Keith Olbermann's Ego's attention? It's the fifth anniversary of the sexual harassment lawsuit against Bill O'Reilly. The Ego would like to point out that he has never, ever had a sexual harassment suit filed against him. Not one. Bill O'Reilly can't say that now can he?

The Truth According to Keith Olbermann's Ego

This is just too easy sometimes. Why it's almost like taking Candy from babies. Keith Olbermann's Ego loves his fans. You wanna know why? They aren't that great with critical thinking skills. For example, they don't notice patterns at all. Patterns you say? What are these patterns that The Ego speaks of? Watch and learn my friends, watch and learn.

Step 1: Someone prints or posts a negative story about Keith Olbermann's Ego.

Step 2: The Ego immediately takes to either the airwaves or Daily Kos (or both) to brand the person who wrote it as someone who has it out for him (Example: Lloyd Grove (NY Post, The Daily Beast), Brian Stelter (The NY Times), Dan Abram's Mediaite.

Step 3: For good measure, attack the venue where the attack appeared (Examples: The New York Times, The Post, the Daily News (and going back to the old days, the LA Times), Gawker, Cityfile, Wonkette, etc., etc.,

Step 4: Go to Kos, post a diary offering a very special, special comment or some sort of "must-see TV" to pump the ratings. Even if the special comment isn't necessarily related to the attack from these vicious people who all hate the Ego, look, the fans will still tune in and pump up the Ego's ratings. The Ego loves ratings you know. And Daily Kos.

Step 5: Go on Countdown and deliver WPITW awards, offer up a very special, special comment. Drives the attacker wild (and the fans believe every word, it's a win-win for The Ego).

Step 6: Sit back and laugh. Really, it's too easy. Look at yesterday: it was a beautiful thing to see. Did you notice how Keith Olbermann's Ego piled upon young Brian and the NY Times? Brian has been one of The Ego's biggest supporters since he was still in college and ran the then-CableNewser. And the NY Times? The NY Times loves my ass. Oh right, revionist thinking: they hate the Ego! Yes, that's right, the Times is now an enemy of Keith Olbermann. So what if four sources either with MSNBC or Fox told the NY Times that the deal happened? It did not happen! I mean really, who are you going to believe? The Ego or the NY Times and the statements from corporate stooges? Right! The Ego is always, always right. And so what that The Ego didn't bother mentioning O'Reilly from June 1st to August 3rd, whatever would give anyone the idea there was a deal? You got it! Because The Ego told them so! See what I mean? Easy as pie.

Step 7: This is Keith Olbermann's Ego's favorite step. You see, my fans are so IQ challenged loyal and faithful any future stories an organization writes about The Ego will also be immediately discredited as being false since the writer or website/paper, etc. has already been discredited by the Ego for printing the truth lies about him in the past! And when you throw in a dead person, or two, why the fans have no choice whatsoever to doubt that The Ego is telling anything but 100% of the truth. I mean come on. The deal non-existing deal between MSNBC and Fox News was made at the end of May. It was just a coincidence that The Ego never mentioned Bill-O's name once between June 1st and August 3rd. Nope, no deal whatsoever. Never happened (because that's what The Ego said happened (or didn't happen), it didn't happen (even if it did).

What? You don't think The Ego would ever do such a thing? Trust me, it happens.

And The Ego wants you to know he applies these steps at work too. Why just yesterday The Ego had MSNBC prez (and longtime KO bitch friend) Phil Griffin speak to the Countdown staff and explain to them, in detail why there was no deal and it was all about "tone". Truthfully? The Countdown staff aren't the brighest people in the world either. I mean they were right there over the past two months and presumably noticed what we were covering and not covering. But they still needed Phil to come down and explain what didn't happen because you know, they're dumb. And you know why they are dumb? Because The Ego told you they were!

See how easy it is? And you know why it's easy for Keith Olbermann's Ego? Because Keith Olbermann's Ego is a freaking genius that's why people! The Ego tells people what the Truth is (according to Keith Olbermann) and it's true! Or isn't true, whatever the case might be and whatever approach is most flattering for The Ego. And people believe it. What could be better than that? I'm a GOD people. A God! And don't you ever forget it!

Now please excuse the Ego, it's time for some pie.

And at the suggestion of Marcia X 3: please enjoy the musical stylings of Steely Dan and their version of Pretzel Logic (which naturally is not as good as Keith Olbermann's Ego's version).

Olbermann's Ego's Ego Speaks!

Via Daily Kos of course (Where else).

Alls I Can Say ...(and if this doesn't sound like the ultimate self-promotion, I don't know what would, but them's the breaks)... Watch tonight. You'll be pleasantly surprised, I hope. As then-candidate Obama (not to make any undue self-comparisons) once added, with a laugh, after answering a complicated and doubting question from the New York Times editorial board: consider the possibility that I might know what I'm doing here. Plus there's a Special Comment on health care. About fourteen minutes worth.

Notice the show plug. Gotta get them ratings up ya' know.

Lloyd Grove and Tina Brown can bite Keith Olbermann's Ego too

The Ego cannot expect objective reporting from Lloyd Grove. He waged a one-man terror campaign on The Ego when he was at the NY Post.

Olbermann, after taking exception to my selection of quotes from an appearance he made on C-SPAN, named not only me, but my 20-something assistant, as his “Worst Person in the World”—a strange tantrum against relative unknowns that surely baffled his viewers. Not satisfied, Olbermann sent a private side-letter to the newspaper owner demanding that my assistant be fired.

See? That's obviously a lie. The Ego would never request that a 20-something be fired. Keith Olbermann's Ego would either ask for her phone number so he could ask her out and/or hook Katy up with her job once they fired said assistant. See? All lies. Lies. Lies. Lies (Because The Ego learned long ago that if you discredit the source once, than anything else they ever say about you again is obviously, a lie, especially when it's really the truth).

Every notice how "Twit" is part of the word "Twitter"?

And that is why Keith Olbermann's Ego refuses to Twitter.

Enough of my life has been consumed by electronics that have been invented during my life that I may have actually reached my absolute far end of my ability to handle new electronics, new ways of communication," he told us at the Empire State Pride Agenda's "Defying Inequality" event at the Gershwin last night. "I may have hit a wall with an iPhone." The Countdown host said he looked into it, but wasn't sure he wanted everyone to follow his life so closely. "I have a good, healthy broadcaster sense of paranoia as it is without it being literally true that the thing buzzing in my pocket is a bunch of people knowing I’m at 51st Street or wherever," he explained. "And a lot of the stuff, frankly, was not very interesting. I mean, it’s 'Ni-ho! David Gregory's in there having a Bran muffin!'"

Actually The Ego just doesn't want any ex-girlfriends, psycho-stalker fans or Bill O'Reilly knowing his approximate whereabouts.

Keith Olbermann's Ego as FCC Chairman?

The Ego likes the sound of that.

I think I like this Twitter thing.

Keith Olbermann's Ego is really beginning to like this thing called Twitter. First it told me that Bill O'Reilly was gay, now it's telling me that Sanchez is on crack. That explains so very much about them both don't you think?

Twitter This.

Keith Olbermann's Ego had absolutely nothing to do with the hacking of Fixed News' Twitter account. The Ego doesn't even know what twittering is all about. But the Ego enjoys reading anything that might remotely be perceived as embarrassing to BOR or Fixed News.

Keith Olbermann would never do coke

Keith Olbermann's Ego would never do a line of coke off of a baby's head. But The Ego will add these idiots at Red Eye are my List. Who watches these idiots anyway? The show comes on at like 4 am in the morning. Who's awake at that hour anyway except me and my crazy legs?

Sorry that this vid came from the creeps at Olbermannwatch but it was the only one The Ego could find at Youttube.

Keith Olbermann is not Jesus Christ

Sure Keith Olbermann has a massive ego. I mean come on, The Ego has it's own blog! But never, ever (not yet anyway) has The Ego compared himself to Jesus Christ. Bill O'Reilly is truly the gift that keeps on giving isn't he?

Keith Olbermann is Sean Hannity?

So now that Bush has 49 days left in office, Fox News is no longer the mouthpiece of the Republican administration. So who is to fill that massive void? Why Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego of course! Jon Stewart lays down the parallels between the new (MSNBC) and the Faux (the Fixed News network). But honestly Jon, The best comparison you can find for the greatness that is Keith Olbermann is the very mediocre and not very smart Sean Hannity? Sean Hannity? It wounds Jon. It really wounds.

"Hannity and Olbermann: "Partisan ideologue who fears for the world if it's in any way touched by the hands of his political enemies"

Fear is too strong of a word Jon. The word is really "hate". But what the hell, at least people now recognize MSKONBC. So Keith Olbermann's Ego gets the last laugh after all.

Radar does not.

So Radar has another one of these stupid lists this morning. They don't like me. I in turn, despise them for not liking me. Don't they realize my greatness? Apparently not. I'm still pissed at them for the last stupid thing they wrote about me. This ridiculous claim that even my own staff doesn't like me (of course my staff doesn't "like" me, they worship me! And that's what they are supposed to do!). So what BS is Radar peddling this morning? Stupid list of supposed "winners" and "losers" in this year's political pundit/newscaster race.

The former sportscaster has finally found his voice as a lefty pundit. Sadly, it's unhinged, pompous, and sounds a lot like Bill O'Reilly's.

Called out by time.com in May for his "gasbag" Special Comments (which leave us feeling drenched with spittle), Olbermann has boosted his show's ratings by morphing into Bill-O's liberal doppelgänger, but he's losing credibility. Fast.

Look, first of all, I don't "race" anyone. I am always number one, got it? Good, now don't forget it. Unhinged? I'll show you unhinged buddy. You're going on my list pronto as you clearly don't get the genius and greatness that is me. Pompous? Okay I'll cop to that. But I'm me! I am greatness! I can't help but be pompous. It's a heavy burden, sure but it's all part of being Keith Olbermann's ego. And how dare you compare me to a hack like O'Reilly? Okay, sure I do owe him a little, okay, a lot (like my complete hate and constant derision), I am no Bill O'Reilly dammit! I'm smarter, better-looking, younger (slightly), and I have a hot girlfriend (she's 23, did I mention that yet)? And re credibility? Are you f'ing kidding me? Have you seen Fox? I rest my case.

So this Radar BS is nothing but lies. And how do I know this? Because they had to say this about Chuck Todd:

Dazzling viewers with his nerdy mastery of delegate math, this former print journalist leaped into the top echelon of know-it-alls this spring. Dubbed "Mr. Spock," "the smartest man on TV," and "the designated driver of MSNBC's political coverage,"

The smartest man on television? That's me dammit. I skipped a year of high school. I have a genius IQ. I am, have always been, and will always be the smartest man on television. And don't you ever forget it! Chuck Todd? Do you know where that little bastard ranks at in importance at MSNBC? Low enough to buff my shoes every morning. I'll show HIM who the designated driver at MSNBC is (even though I can't actually drive. Long story short: subway, baseball game, head injury, peripheral vision loss, etc. Who needs to drive anyway? I have people for that).

Where was I? Oh yeah, more proof of Radar's stupidity? They claim Joe Scarborough is better than me. And Rachel Maddow too. I run MSNBC so both of these mental midgets work for me. So there is no way possible on this earth that either of them, or both of them put together are possibly better than me. See what I mean? Radar=Stupid.

They got one thing right though. Chris Matthews sucks.

An insecure spaz

HA! Love it. Okay so the article isn't a complete pack of lies. Just mostly.

Next on my list? This guy from the NY Observer

So this "Steve" person at the NY Observer decided to correct me in public. Big mistake. Big. Big. Big Mistake. Huge in fact. Never, ever, do you hear me correct me in public. If I make a mistake dammit then it's your responsibility as a so-called journalist to back-me up, not correct me, got it?

If I say, and I did,

Warner's rising star might actually dim the VP chances for Virginia's current governor, Tim Kaine on this simple theory. Warner speaks on Tuesday night, the vice presidential candidate makes his acceptance speech on Wednesday night. It is unlikely that out of the universe of possible speakers, two Virginia governors would be scheduled for major speeches on successive convention nights.

then that's the way it's going to be okay? (Note to self: Call the Obama campaign immediately and make sure they're on the same page with me so I make this guy out to be a punk loser for correcting me.)

But what does this idiot do? He decides to "school" me with some alleged facts. So not cool "Steve".

Here’s the problem with this thinking: It’s surprisingly common at conventions for the keynote speaker and the V.P. nominee to hail from the same state. Like in:

* 1984, when New York Governor Mario Cuomo delivered the keynote address that made him famous, followed a few nights later by the vice-presidential acceptance speech of New York Congresswoman Geraldine Ferraro. Hell, Cuomo and Ferraro didn’t just share a home state – they came from the same borough.

* 1988, when Texas state Treasurer Ann Richards keynoted the Democratic convention in Atlanta – where fellow Texan Lloyd Bentsen was subsequently nominated for vice president.

* 1996, when Staten Island’s own Susan Molinari was Bob Dole’s handpicked keynote speaker at the Republican convention in San Diego, just as Molinari’s fellow New Yorker, former Rep. and H.U.D. Secretary Jack Kemp, was Dole V.P. choice.

* And while it’s not technically the same, it’s worth noting that Al Gore saw not problems in 2000 when, as the Democrats’ presidential nominee, he asked his fellow Tennessean Harold Ford Jr. to deliver the keynote address.

As Homer Simpson would say, "D'oh!" Look do you think I have time to go and look up little things like facts? Hell no! I've got "Annie from NY" on my ass waiting to pounce on me like a PUMA outside of 30 Rock, I've got a 20-something girlfriend (insert obligatory reference to live-in here) to support, not to mention my blogging duties at Kos. There are only so many hours in the day pal and I don't have time to do research. And my staff? They're busy running my personal errands. I'm so busy I don't even have time to reimburse them when they make expenses on my behalf-and this putz thinks I've got time to go look up something boring like who gave a damn keynote on which night in 1984 when my girlfriend wasn't even born yet? Clearly "Steve" wasn't thinking of me, Keith Olbermann, and the many demands on my time when he penned (typed) this missive.

And to add insult to injuring my bruised ego he adds this little paragraph at the end of his loser piece

I agree with the consensus that has emerged in the media: Kaine is unlikely to be Obama’s running-mate. He lacks any meaningful national security and foreign policy experience and his resume as an elected official is about as thin as Obama’s. But there's really no reason to assume that the selection of one Virginian automatically excludes another. Especially when you consider that this year’s keynote address will almost certainly be overshadowed by a certain junior senator from New York.

WTF? So why bother to even write this column if you were going to contradict yourself and admit that I was right? (And I'm always right, got it)? Loser.

So add this guy to my list along with Matthews, Maddow, assorted ex-girlfriends, Rupert Murdoch, Page Six, and my arch-nemesis, O'Reilly. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate that guy?

And now more about me.

This is why I had to have my own blog. People were already writing about me. See, I'm as famous as my alter-ego! But I can't say I particularly like their interpretations of me. They keep talking about me like I'm a bad thing. But at least they are talking about me and how can that be a bad thing? I love publicity. Any publicity. and lots of it. I do love basking in my own self-reflected glory. And when you've got an ego as big as I am there's enough kilowat power generated by all that self-reflected glory to power NYC for a year or three.

It's all about me.

Keith Olbermann's massive ego here. You know, an hour of tv time each weeknight is just not enough to tell you all about my favorite subject. Me. Me. Me. It's all about me. And that's the way America loves it. Haven't you seen my ratings? Young people love me! Bill O'Reilly? I'm killing him in the key demo of 25-54. Yeah, he's scared. He's really scared. And he should be. I have HALF the viewers he does and gaining rapidly (okay if you define rapidly as the last 5 years). Whatever. I'm loved. People watch me. They watch me every night! Me. Me. Me. All about me!