Sunday, November 30, 2008

Songs from Keith Olbermann's Ego's IPOD

Enjoy this musical selection from Elton John, vintage 1978.

Take a look at me now and take a taste of the money
I'm not in it for the bread I'm in it for the gravy, honey
Step on the thin ice lightly
And check out the show twice nightly
'Cause I'm on the stage tonight
And if the price is right
I will amaze before the light I crave the light
Blinding white I need the light tonight

Take a look at me now and take a look at my billing
I'm not in it as an extra, I'm in it for the killing
Inflate my ego gently, tell them heaven sent me
'Cause I'm so expressive and I'm so obsessed with my ego
My ego and it's message
Oh inform the press, invite the guests
I need the press tonight

Do you remember acting out your youth
A Romeo resplendent on an orange case
Do you remember how I would recite
And how I'd blow my lines and hide my face

Well maybe it was childish, foolish, before schoolish
Immaturish, lose your coolish
But I had to grow and prove my ego

Take a look at me now and take a taste of the money
I'm not in it for the bread I'm in it for the gravy, honey
Inflate my ego gently, tell them heaven sent me
Oh 'cause I'm so expressive and I'm so obsessed with my ego
My ego and it's message
Oh inform the press, invite the guests
I need the press tonight

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Keith Olbermann's got Women Problems

At least according to Aaron Barnhart.
Keith Olbermann has signed a new contract with MSNBC . . . .and apparently there is a. . clause in there that calls for KO to improve his relationship with female viewers, now that Rachel Maddow is proving to be as big a draw some nights as "Countdown" is. Or at least, that's my pop explanation for KO's appearance today on "The View."
Women trouble? Keith Olbermann has problems with women? Keith Olbermann has never, ever had a problem with women. Please, who put Rachel Maddow on the air to begin with? No, not Tucker Carlson you dumbass, it was the genius of Keith Olbermann that first put Rachel on the air (and don't ever mention Tucker Carlson to me again, got it?). But Aaron insists that was the real reason The Ego went on Martha Stewart's show too.
it appears MSNBC and its number one talent, Keith Olbermann, have decided he has a woman problem. Appearing on "The View" was just the start -- this week, he made a triple-chocolate pumpkin pie with Martha Stewart. Next week, I understand Carson Kressley is going to show him just how beautiful he looks in the buff!
Keith Olbermann's Ego would never appear in the buff anywhere near Carson Kressley although that would kill two birds with one stone so to speak, increasing The Ego's demos with both women and the gays. Hmmmm. (Note to self: Suggest this idea to MSNBC PR department if they can stop booking Rachel Maddow interviews long enough to pay attention to THE real talent on MSKONBC).
Tellingly, KO has used segments of "Countdown" to play back highlights of both appearances, and while KO contributes the requisite amount of eye-rolling at what a dork he is on these programs, even this gesture serves to underscore the larger point: KO is strong enough to be a man even on a show that's made for a woman.
How dare Barnhart suggest that the genius and great talent that is Keith Olbermann's Ego would ever pander to a particular audience to increase his ratings!
And because "The View" and "Martha Stewart Living" are aimed at women (certainly much more than "Countdown" is aimed at men), they're a great way to pick up chicks.
Bingo! The Girlfriend is beginning to age out of The Ego's dating demo (18-25). Got to look for new blood to replace the old after all and what better place to throw out the proverbial net than tv? After all, it's worked for Keith Olbermann's Ego thus far.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Keith Olbermann in Martha Stewart's Kitchen

Behold: Keith Olbermann's Ego in the Kitchen with Martha Stewart. Doesn't The Ego look comfy and cozy in that sweater? Why the Ego looks almost.......dare we say it? Domestic. As George W. Bush would say, "Mission Accomplished". Don't you love how Keith Olbermann's Ego was able to subtly work in those references of domestic harmony and bliss with The Girlfriend? The girlfriend cooking Thanksgiving dinner, the vacations at the almost makes the Ego sound human doesn't it? It's so great it deserves two whole segments. And just observe how much Martha Stewart loves Keith Olbermann's Ego, even if she did have Rachel on her show before The Ego. The Ego will overlook that mistake because Martha Stewart gives The Ego what it loves the most: free publicity and adoration. As it should be.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Keith Olbermann, Martha Stewart, and Triple Chocolate Pumpkin Pie

Yeah, you heard Keith Olbermann's Ego correctly. In what is sure to be MustSeeTV, Keith Olbermann will be joining Martha Stewart in the kitchen on her little program this coming Monday. No I'm not kidding. See, says so right here.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Keith Olbermann's Ego did not break up with this woman.

Keith Olbermann's ego would actually have to KNOW this woman first. And based upon what they taught The Ego at his fancy, exclusive prep school and Ivy League university, The Ego is equally certain that it is genetically impossible for him to have fathered the child depicted in this photo. Besides, The Ego would never, ever deign to go to Alaska--at least not until they got a major league baseball team and even then, no. Honestly, is there any compelling reason whatsoever why Keith Olbermann's Ego should even care about Alaska? It may be a part of the United States, and there may be viewers there but honestly, the only two cities that really matter are Los Angeles and New York City. Better luck with Bill Maher Alaska woman I don't even know (and definitely did not have an Eskimo child with).

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Where in the world is Keith Olbermann's Ego?

Where in the world is Keith Olbermann's Ego? Gone Fishing. Not that the ego Fishes, too much like manual labor for the likes of KO's massive ego. But you get the idea. Keith Olbermann's Ego has decided to take a vacation for the entire week. While I'm gone, please amuse yourselves by watching your Keith Olbermann videos. I know you people have them. And if you don't, then spend your time acquiring one. It's another one of those Laws for the Keith Olbermann fan which you must obey. Why? Because Keith Olbermann's Ego said so.

Monday, November 17, 2008

So Keith Olbermann's Ego does not vote. So what?

Honestly, Keith Olbermann's Ego is sick and tired of having to deal with the fall-out from this appearance on BitchFest 2008 The View. So what if the Ego does not vote? The Ego lives in the civilized world (the real, real America to borrow a phrase) and therefore is 10 years ahead of some of you in the swing states and The Ego's vote simply does not matter as a result. What difference does one vote possibly make anyway? And look, The Ego has already fully explained this position on Daily Kos, shouldn't that be enough for you people?
I Constantly Reconsider It: But I've analogized it here many times to my days in sports. When I found myself personally invested in the athletes I covered - had a meal with some, professionally friendly, that sort of stuff - there was actually a drag on my willingness to criticize them on the air. Not good. And I felt it again last spring (ironically enough) about criticizing Senator Clinton (yes, I know her supporters will spit soup over this). But you may recall I was accused, as late as January, of being "in the tank for Hillary," and even that slightest personal connection provided by the Clintons' support of The Special Comments made me hesitate or delay my criticism. I think that voting for a candidate would create the same investment for me. I doubt anybody else would feel that way, but that's my standard. And yes, if circumstances demanded that I had to walk on the edge of the cliff, and vote, I would do so. by Keith Olbermann on Fri Nov 14, 2008 at 01:24:39 PM PST
Now that makes perfect sense doesn't it? What? It doesn't to you? Well that just goes to show you that Keith Olbermann's Ego is thinking on a level way, way beyond what some of you less-intellectually gifted fans can. And so long as The Ego gets it, you should just STFU and accept The Ego's wisdom on this score, got it? Consider it yet another one of my rules for being a true Keith Olbermann fan: utter blind devotion and no questioning of what I say. Okay so that's really two laws but still, you get the point.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

More Gay Love for Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann's ego loves it when famous people talk about their love for Keith Olbermann.Ellen Degeneres on her dream guests for her talk show:
"Bono — he’s an amazing man. And George Clooney, of course. We’re gonna capture him one day. And now I want Keith Olbermann on just because I love him, I think he’s brilliant."
Right back atcha Ellen. And you know what? Keith Olbermann's Ego knows he is brilliant.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It is not possible to sum up Keith Olbermann in 60 Seconds.

But somehow, Huffington Post's 23/6 has tried. Or as Jossip puts it:
It just encompasses every trope in Olbermann's playbook, which is a) Calling people fascists; b) Disdainfully calling people "sir"; c) Being super incredulous; Did I get them all? Wouldn't want to miss one of his other emotions besides ironic smugness and constipation that allowed him to get that huge re-up on MSNBC.

The Gays Love Keith Olbermann

I knew my Ego's stirring comments on Prop 8 would pay off. And here's the proof: The Blade loves me, and not just in the way they love Anderson Cooper or Shep Smith either.
Keith Olbermann's Ego thinks that it was the little catch in the voice and the moisture in the eyes (thanks Visine!) that suckered them in, or maybe it's just that naturally recognize that Keith Olbermann is one hell of a guy. The Keith Olbermann World Domination Tour continues.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

How much is Keith Olbermann worth?

Keith Olbermann is priceless. But if forced to pick a number, then the answer is $30 million over four years. Sure that bumps The Ego up into a higher tax category (thanks President Obama) but who the hell cares? Keith Olbermann is the king god of cable news. As it should be.

Monday, November 10, 2008

More me. Always a good thing.

Yes, that's right. Keith Olbermann's Ego is now guaranteed to be on MSNBC through the 2012 re-election of President Obama. Dig it.
NEW YORK - Nov. 10, 2008 - MSNBC has voted for four more years of Keith Olbermann and the top-rated "Countdown with Keith Olbermann," it was announced today by Phil Griffin, President, MSNBC. The new four-year agreement calls for Olbermann to continue as host of "Countdown;" additionally, Olbermann will play a prominent role in MSNBC's coverage of all major news events. He will also continue to co-host NBC's "Football Night in America" studio show.
"Keith Olbermann is at the core of MSNBC's current success," said Griffin. "'Countdown' is our signature program and I'm thrilled that we're going to be able to bring it to Keith's loyal viewers for another four year term."
"I'm delighted that we can continue to lock Countdown into the nation's political dialogue through at least the next election," said Olbermann. "Personally, I noticed that as of about six weeks ago, I'd been doing this show longer than I did SportsCenter, so it's delightful to have a true home."
In October 2008, "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" had its best month ever in the key Adults 25-54 demographic, and is up a tremendous 170 percent in A25-54 from Oct. 2007 and up 180 percent in total viewers. "Countdown" continued its dominance over CNN at 8 p.m., out-rating "Campbell Brown" by 35 percent in A25-54 and 41 percent in total viewers. Excluding coverage of the presidential debates, "Countdown" is the #3 top-rated show in cable news in A25-54. "Countdown" is also the #1 cable news show among young viewers, Adults 18-34.
Since the last presidential election in 2004, "Countdown" has seen dramatic ratings increases, up a huge 238 percent among Adults 25-54 and 206 percent in total viewers.
Olbermann, who was named one of the Top Ten Most Powerful People in TV News for 2007 and 2008 by Television Week, began his NBC career in 1997, when he was anchor for NBC Sports, hosting the World Series and Major League Baseball's All-Star Game, and contributing to pre-game coverage of the Super Bowl. During that time he was also host of two primetime news programs on MSNBC, "The Big Show" and "White House In Crisis." Olbermann returned to MSNBC in 2003 as a substitute host on "Nachman" and an anchor for MSNBC's coverage of the war in Iraq before launching "Countdown" in April of 2003. Previously, Olbermann provided twice-daily commentary, "Speaking of Sports" and "Speaking of Everything" for ABC Radio Network. Prior to that, he was a regular contributor covering news and sports on CNN.
Olbermann is well known for anchoring ESPN's "SportsCenter" from 1992 to 1997, when his inimitable style made the blend of pop culture and sports a hallmark of the modern television sports reporter. While at ESPN, Olbermann helped launch ESPN2 and ESPN Radio network and wrote the critically acclaimed book "The Big Show" with Dan Patrick about his experiences working on "SportsCenter."
He is the recipient of numerous distinguished awards in radio and television broadcasting, including the 1995 Cable Ace Award for Best Sportscaster and 11 Golden Mike Awards for excellence in television and radio. Olbermann also received two Edward R. Murrow Awards, one for his coverage of the events of 9/11 and another for the anniversary coverage of 9/11.
In addition to his extensive broadcasting experience, Olbermann has written for dozens of publications, including The New York Times, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, Sports Illustrated and Playboy. His first book, "The Major League Coaches," was published when he was 14. His latest book, "Truth & Consequences," a collection of his "Special Comments" from "Countdown," is a New York Times best-seller. He also published "The Worst Person in the World," based on the popular segment within "Countdown."
Phil Griffin is President, MSNBC. Izzy Povich is the Executive Producer, "Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

The Power of Change......but not for me

So the NY Times has picked up on the new (temporary MSNBC slogan): The Power of Change.
“Presidents have the power to change lives, to change course, to change America,” the ad’s narrator says. Before the election, the ad quoted John F. Kennedy’s famous “ask not” address. By Wednesday, it had been updated with a line from Mr. Obama’s election-night speech: “At this defining moment, change has come to America.”
Now there are lots of things I'd like to change about MSNBC. Let's start with the name for: we all know it really should be MSKONBC. Secondly? Joey Scar and his girlfriend Mika could hit the road. Today. And take that annoying little creep Willie Geist with them. Thirdly? Say goodbye Chrissie. But you know who I hope stays the same? Fox News.
On election night, Fox attracted many more viewers than MSNBC — until Mr. Obama was pronounced the victor. During the midnight hour, when Mr. Obama spoke in Chicago, MSNBC averaged 5.6 million viewers, compared with Fox’s 3.9 million.
Damn right we're your offical Obama network so there's no need for me to change one iota: I'm perfect just like I am. And why? Because I'm Keith Olbermann's Ego and I said so, that's why.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I told you Page Six was going to write about me

So Page Six decided to hold off til after the election to write about the genius that is Keith Olbermann's Mighty and Massive Ego. And of course it's the usual collection of lies about me (and remember, Rule Number One? If I say it's a lie, it's a lie--I don't care if there's video evidence of it, it's still a lie if I say it is, got it?). Let's see, demanded to get a first-class train ticket to DC (I'm the star of MSNBC dammit-like I was going to ride 2nd class on Amtrak)? And something about tomato packets at Lincoln Center.
Olbermann's diva behavior off-camera—insiders say the anchor demands more security than an Olsen twin—might provide his colleagues with eye-rolling fodder. But on-air, those erratic personality traits have made his five-year-old show, Countdown With Keith Olbermann, a hit.
Hey--the Olsen twins-how old are they anyway? Katy's aging out pretty rapidly on me. Where was I? Oh yeah--hit. See, even the NY Post has had to acknowledge that Keith Olbermann is a hit! And if Murdoch's Post says it, you know it's true (yeah, I know, I normally tell you to avoid them like the plague and that they lie constantly but this one time, they're right--I'm a hit). And they were really right twice in this article.
Countdown is credited with transforming MSNBC from a third-stringer into the fastest-growing cable network in 2008.
Read that line again. I like that line. Alot. Done? Good, now we can move on to the rest of the pack of lies this rag printed about me. Why don't I sue them you ask? What? And give them free publicity? Never (and then there's the ever-so-slight, and I mean it's minuscule, possibility they're sometimes right about me, not that I'd ever admit it). There's the usual crap about my feuds with Matthews & Scarborough. Let me explain this to you. I was merely directing them. They were going over their allotted time and cutting into mine. And then there's this bullshit about Tom Brokaw.
"It's gotten to the point where on primary night Brokaw wouldn't sit at the same desk with Matthews and Olbermann," says one insider. "They'd be working no more than 10 feet apart, but he wouldn't be shot at the same desk."
Who wants to sit beside Brokaw anyway? He's an old man. He has that old man smell. And it's not just me that thinks Brokaw should go ahead and retire:
Williams is allegedly angry that Brokaw, known among insiders as the "Dean of the Network," didn't step aside after his retirement from NBC Nightly News in 2004, but instead has taken on a bigger role during the election, serving as a special correspondent. . .as a result of Brokaw's involvement, Williams has been less visible during the network's election coverage
See? Even Brian Williams can't get along with the old bastard. I'm hoping President-Elect Obama will pass a law or something for Brokaw's mandatory retirement.
But for the most part, this man with many enemies keeps his inner circle very small. Olbermann isn't known as the type of boss who treats his staffers to after-work cocktails or makes a point of remembering their birthdays. Olbermann reportedly communicates with his MSNBC staff through a mailbox, and ordered a new, solid door for his office because he was uncomfortable having a window in the door into which people could see. But loyalists note that he's not a total Grinch. "He insisted on a big raise for his producer when she was fielding an offer from CNN," says an insider.
See? I am loyal! Who says I'm not loyal?
Should Maddow's ratings not hold up after the election, Olbermann's associates agree that he will be the first one to sell her down the river if necessary to save himself. "I'm sure there's some jealousy there," says one insider. "He'll take credit for her success, but should she fail miserably he'll be the first to say, 'It was a nice experiment, but let's try something else.'"
Okay fans what is my second rule regarding anything negative printed about me? That's right. It's lies unless the person is willing to go on the record with their name, address, and social security number (makes it easier for my bodyguards to track 'em down). But the Post did contain some good news in this little hatchet-job on me and MSNBC.
Chris Matthews is done," says an insider. "There are two erratic individuals—and he's not the one getting the numbers."
I know that the Post meant that as a slam at my mental stability but fuck 'em: they printed this tasty quote:
"Nightly News is in first place [and] MSNBC jumped from the 21st most-watched network [on] cable and prime time to the 10th most-watched in one month," (Olbermann)said on his show last month, in reaction to news that Page Six Magazine was working on this story.
See there--ratings--again, I rule.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Ben Affleck is a Genius

So now that Obama has won and the democracy has been saved, in no small part thanks to me, Keith Olbermann's Ego, let's go back to discussing some really important subjects okay? Like, you know, me. Me. Me. Me.
Ben Affleck is a genius. Sure he's got an Oscar and all of that but that's not why he's a genius. He's a genius because he recognizes that I, Keith Olbermann's Ego is a genius. And anyone who gets my genius is a genius in my book. Just not as smart of a genius as I am.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

For the Record, Keith Olbermann does not live with his mother

Keith Olbermann's Ego lives with a girl half his age. More than half his age actually. Other than that, Ben Affleck captured the genius and the passion and the outrage that is Keith Olbermann's Ego.