The New York Times, Danny Deutsch, Colonoscopies and Other Pains in the Ass

So Brian Stelter of the New York Times, Danny Deutsch, and Colonoscopies are the causes of today's pain in the ass for the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. So Deutsch is whining like a bitch about how somehow the Ego was responsible for getting his lousy show yanked. Why does he think that just because he criticized the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego that I would do such a thing? I mean, just because I run own MSNBC doesn't mean I have any power over programming decisions. I mean sure the Ego owns MSNBC but it's my bitch Phil Grifin that takes the blame for the Ego in such matters, as it should be. And Stelter, don't even get me started. Here's what the Ego-Twit had to say about Stelter and this Ego heartedly agrees.

Sad to say, @BrianStelter was an innovative and hardworking blogger. He's in over his head where he is now,

And then there's Gawker and Joe Scarborough. They just can't wait to complain about the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. Scarborough's just a Republican punk. He can't even bring himself to say the Ego's name (and if he does, trust me, my buddy Phil will be taking care of him just like he did Deutsch. And Dan Abrams. And Rita Cosby and.....a bunch of other people whose names escape the Ego's mind at the moment). Now back to the subject the Ego loves to talk about most of all: The Ego. And the Ego-Twit's real pain-in-the-ass for today, and just as some predicted here once the Ego-Twit got a Twitter account, it was bound to happen, discussion of the Ego-Twit's bowel movements. Don't say this blog didn't warn you it was coming. At least this Ego has some discretion where such matters are concerned. That's more that can be said for the real thing.

The NY Times does not understand Keith Olbermann

The NY Times is clearly on a vendetta to attack MSNBC, which as you know, Keith Olbermann's Ego runs owns. Look, it was a holiday weekend. The Ego was on vacation. You don't expect the Ego to interupt his vacation to report on something so trivial as news do you? How would that benefit the Ego exactly? The Ego needs his rest people and so does everyone else at MSNBC. What's the big deal anyway exactly? CNN & Fox were/are all over this story. Go watch them or something instead of whining about how MSNBC wouldn't interupt their very fine (and highly rated) crime documentaries to cover something so trivial as a terrorist attack on the United States. The Ego will be back in 2010, and so will MSNBC's primetime. Whatever happens between now and then is not Keith Olbermann's Ego's concern. So just chill the hell out until then okay? I mean, priorities people, priorities. The Ego (and MSNBC) have them and clearly it's getting our vacation time in, not adding to the hysterical over-reporting exhibited by CNN and Fox News this weekend over some guy stuffing some explosives into his underpants. Hell, The Ego has his own explosions in his underpants every now and then too. You don't see MSNBC cutting into our taped program to report on that do you?

Uh oh. Someone doesn't get it.

Namely this guy.

On his show last night, Keith Olbermann essentially issued a non-denial denial about the GE-MSNBC-Fox story, saying that he himself was "party to no deal" -- exactly what he said in the original New York Times article......in Olbermann's non-denial denial last night, he didn't refute the quotes from General Electric management, he didn't refute that MSNBC execs told its producers that they "wanted the channel's other programs [to] restrain from criticizing Fox directly," and he didn't refute this report from TV Newser saying that the parent companies for Fox and MSNBC have been in negotiations for months.

Okay Ego fans, you know what to do: that's right, get busy in the comments section and rip this guy a new one.

And there's obviously something in the water over there at Huffington Post (that's right, they too are no longer a reliable judge of Keith Olbermann's work).

KO and BO are two similar cats in many respects. These monumentally insecure men detest each other to the extent that they care not that it affects the quality of their shows or contributes to the uneasiness of their audience. These are two guys from not-so-serious pasts who now want very much to be respected and considered as media vanguards, two societal forces that can control destiny and history with their words alone.....Olbermann, the snarky Eddie Haskell who thinks he's smarter and pithier than everybody and anybody in the room, especially his Fox counterpart, the oafish Ted Baxter. Both of these guys have Goliath complexes: large men who are braggadocius and to be respected. KO trying to rid himself of the image of an erstwhile sports guy and BO, the journalist manqué, trying to rid himself of KO. .....BO versus KO will forever be remembered as one of televisions greatest hate affairs.

Again, all lies. Except the part where this guy slams Bill O'Reilly. That part is all true.

And please ignore New York magazine as well.

(Olbermann's comments are)...based on the presumption that even though the half of Brian Stelter's story about him was false, the half about Fox News was true, which is awfully convenient for Olbermann.

See? They don't get the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. If I say what they say about The Ego is a lie, it's a lie. And if The Ego says it's all true about O'Reilly it's all true about O'Reilly, and no questions or snarking allowed otherwise. (What? So they wrote a semi-decent article kinda praising The Ego once. They've turned on The Ego now. They must be immediately blacklisted).

And media critics and journalism professors? What do they know?

(Olbermann's commentary).... is intellectually dishonest, as it implies that Stelter deliberately did not use Olbermann's quote because it didn't fit with what he wanted to write. In fact, Stelter did use it, and he placed it in context. It's very clear from Stelter's story that the deal had been cut by higher-ups, and that Olbermann might or might not go along. Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch came in at number one for trying to muzzle O'Reilly. Hmmm ... doesn't that confirm that Stelter got it right? Glenn Greenwald, who's been blogging away at Salon ever since the Stelter story came out, criticized his ideological soulmate Olbermann last night, writing on Twitter, "Really surprised by the Olbermann denial - there's lots and lots of evidence that the NYT's description about what GE did is 100% accurate." All in all, not a good moment for Olbermann. He may have reclaimed his independence. But he did so at the expense of sliming a journalist who'd broken an important, unflattering story about collusion by media moguls. At the very least, Olbermann ought to award himself the bronze.

The Ego is the best person in the world. How dare this man suggest otherwise?

And speaking of Glenn Greenwald and Salon? Again, ignore them too. He appears to be writing some hard-to-follow gibberish here about how GE is the root of all evil or something.

And finally, add The Nation into the list of people who cannot be trusted when it comes to reporting or commenting on anything Keith Olbermann related. (Yeah, The Ego knows he's been a cover boy for them but now they have betrayed The Ego.)

Since most of these people have "comments" on their page I expect every good Keith Olbermann fan to immediately run to these pages and post diatribes denouncing them as liars immediately. I don't care if you have jobs. What's more important? Your measly, unimportant little job or Keith Olbermann's Ego? That's right people: it's all about me.

**On Edit****
When The Ego said "finally" he meant "Finally" dammit. Sigh. Okay, add Cityfile to the Enemies List (see sidebar for the complete list--for now). Okay so Cityfile has a history of not liking The Ego so naturally you should also disredit everything they ever snark about The Ego okay? Cityfile.

Keith Olbermann took Times reporter Brian Stelter to task last night for reporting that News Corp. and GE had worked out a deal to tone down the rhetoric between MSNBC and Fox News. But he didn't disagree with everything Stelter reported. Conveniently, only the bad stuff about him was wrong.

But of course. See, Cityfile is just stupid.

More bad news for Olbermann: MSNBC now admits it made a mistake by not disclosing that Countdown fixture Richard Wolffe is a paid lobbyist. Naturally, Olbermann had absolutely no idea about any of this.

Look don't they realize that The Ego is a very busy man? Who has time for stupid things like vetting hosts?

The Truth According to Keith Olbermann's Ego

This is just too easy sometimes. Why it's almost like taking Candy from babies. Keith Olbermann's Ego loves his fans. You wanna know why? They aren't that great with critical thinking skills. For example, they don't notice patterns at all. Patterns you say? What are these patterns that The Ego speaks of? Watch and learn my friends, watch and learn.

Step 1: Someone prints or posts a negative story about Keith Olbermann's Ego.

Step 2: The Ego immediately takes to either the airwaves or Daily Kos (or both) to brand the person who wrote it as someone who has it out for him (Example: Lloyd Grove (NY Post, The Daily Beast), Brian Stelter (The NY Times), Dan Abram's Mediaite.

Step 3: For good measure, attack the venue where the attack appeared (Examples: The New York Times, The Post, the Daily News (and going back to the old days, the LA Times), Gawker, Cityfile, Wonkette, etc., etc.,

Step 4: Go to Kos, post a diary offering a very special, special comment or some sort of "must-see TV" to pump the ratings. Even if the special comment isn't necessarily related to the attack from these vicious people who all hate the Ego, look, the fans will still tune in and pump up the Ego's ratings. The Ego loves ratings you know. And Daily Kos.

Step 5: Go on Countdown and deliver WPITW awards, offer up a very special, special comment. Drives the attacker wild (and the fans believe every word, it's a win-win for The Ego).

Step 6: Sit back and laugh. Really, it's too easy. Look at yesterday: it was a beautiful thing to see. Did you notice how Keith Olbermann's Ego piled upon young Brian and the NY Times? Brian has been one of The Ego's biggest supporters since he was still in college and ran the then-CableNewser. And the NY Times? The NY Times loves my ass. Oh right, revionist thinking: they hate the Ego! Yes, that's right, the Times is now an enemy of Keith Olbermann. So what if four sources either with MSNBC or Fox told the NY Times that the deal happened? It did not happen! I mean really, who are you going to believe? The Ego or the NY Times and the statements from corporate stooges? Right! The Ego is always, always right. And so what that The Ego didn't bother mentioning O'Reilly from June 1st to August 3rd, whatever would give anyone the idea there was a deal? You got it! Because The Ego told them so! See what I mean? Easy as pie.

Step 7: This is Keith Olbermann's Ego's favorite step. You see, my fans are so IQ challenged loyal and faithful any future stories an organization writes about The Ego will also be immediately discredited as being false since the writer or website/paper, etc. has already been discredited by the Ego for printing the truth lies about him in the past! And when you throw in a dead person, or two, why the fans have no choice whatsoever to doubt that The Ego is telling anything but 100% of the truth. I mean come on. The deal non-existing deal between MSNBC and Fox News was made at the end of May. It was just a coincidence that The Ego never mentioned Bill-O's name once between June 1st and August 3rd. Nope, no deal whatsoever. Never happened (because that's what The Ego said happened (or didn't happen), it didn't happen (even if it did).

What? You don't think The Ego would ever do such a thing? Trust me, it happens.

And The Ego wants you to know he applies these steps at work too. Why just yesterday The Ego had MSNBC prez (and longtime KO bitch friend) Phil Griffin speak to the Countdown staff and explain to them, in detail why there was no deal and it was all about "tone". Truthfully? The Countdown staff aren't the brighest people in the world either. I mean they were right there over the past two months and presumably noticed what we were covering and not covering. But they still needed Phil to come down and explain what didn't happen because you know, they're dumb. And you know why they are dumb? Because The Ego told you they were!

See how easy it is? And you know why it's easy for Keith Olbermann's Ego? Because Keith Olbermann's Ego is a freaking genius that's why people! The Ego tells people what the Truth is (according to Keith Olbermann) and it's true! Or isn't true, whatever the case might be and whatever approach is most flattering for The Ego. And people believe it. What could be better than that? I'm a GOD people. A God! And don't you ever forget it!

Now please excuse the Ego, it's time for some pie.

And at the suggestion of Marcia X 3: please enjoy the musical stylings of Steely Dan and their version of Pretzel Logic (which naturally is not as good as Keith Olbermann's Ego's version).

Olbermann's Ego's Ego Speaks!

Via Daily Kos of course (Where else).

Alls I Can Say ...(and if this doesn't sound like the ultimate self-promotion, I don't know what would, but them's the breaks)... Watch tonight. You'll be pleasantly surprised, I hope. As then-candidate Obama (not to make any undue self-comparisons) once added, with a laugh, after answering a complicated and doubting question from the New York Times editorial board: consider the possibility that I might know what I'm doing here. Plus there's a Special Comment on health care. About fourteen minutes worth.

Notice the show plug. Gotta get them ratings up ya' know.

Feud? What Feud? There is no Feud.

Keith Olbermann's Ego doesn't care what the NY Times says.

At an off-the-record summit meeting for chief executives sponsored by Microsoft in mid-May, the PBS interviewer Charlie Rose asked Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of G.E., and his counterpart at the News Corporation, Rupert Murdoch, about the feud. Both moguls expressed regret over the venomous culture between the networks and the increasingly personal nature of the barbs. Days later, even though the feud had increased the audience of both programs, their lieutenants arranged a cease-fire, according to four people who work at the companies and have direct knowledge of the deal.

Look, Keith Olbermann's Ego could care less about any deal that Immelt and Murdoch made (thanks alot Charlie Rose for being so "helpful"). The Ego totally agreed to the deal because who are we kidding? They pay Keith Olbermann's Ego $7.5 mil a year, and just gave Katy (another) new job would never, ever make such a deal atsoever about whatever little deal that Immelt and Murdoch made.

Mr. Olbermann, who is on vacation, said by e-mail message, “I am party to no deal,” adding that he would not have been included in any conversations between G.E. and the News Corporation. Fox News said it would not comment.

What? You want me to translate what The Ego meant by not being party to a deal and would not be a party to such a deal? The Ego wasn't there people. That's what it means. He was not physically present in the room with Immelt, Murdoch and Charlie Rose when they cut the deal.

In early June, the combat stopped, and MSNBC and Fox, for the most part, found other targets for their verbal missiles (Hello, CNN).

Keith Olbermann's Ego would just like to remind everyone that the embedded video above? You know the one from "Early June" (June 1st)? Where Keith Olbermann's Ego issued a mandate to "quarantine" Fox News and Bill O'Reilly? There is absolutely no connection whatsoever between The Ego's ultimatum and the agreement between the two networks to ceasefire (even if there is video evidence suggesting otherwise).If the Ego says it never happened, it never happened. No matter what Salon says either.

UPDATE: And this guy at Inside Cable News who says that Keith Olbermann's Ego used the murder of Dr. Tiller to save this and stop talking about Fox and Bill O'Reilly? He's 100% correct wrong.

The Power of Change......but not for me

So the NY Times has picked up on the new (temporary MSNBC slogan): The Power of Change.

“Presidents have the power to change lives, to change course, to change America,” the ad’s narrator says. Before the election, the ad quoted John F. Kennedy’s famous “ask not” address. By Wednesday, it had been updated with a line from Mr. Obama’s election-night speech: “At this defining moment, change has come to America.”

Now there are lots of things I'd like to change about MSNBC. Let's start with the name for: we all know it really should be MSKONBC. Secondly? Joey Scar and his girlfriend Mika could hit the road. Today. And take that annoying little creep Willie Geist with them. Thirdly? Say goodbye Chrissie. But you know who I hope stays the same? Fox News.

On election night, Fox attracted many more viewers than MSNBC — until Mr. Obama was pronounced the victor. During the midnight hour, when Mr. Obama spoke in Chicago, MSNBC averaged 5.6 million viewers, compared with Fox’s 3.9 million.

Damn right we're your offical Obama network so there's no need for me to change one iota: I'm perfect just like I am. And why? Because I'm Keith Olbermann's Ego and I said so, that's why.

At least the New York Times likes me best.

Review of Football Night in America in the New York Times this morning. And there is the typical grumbling that our 99 hosts (and counting) are way too many. Keith Olbermann's Ego totally agrees. It should be more me, less them.

Hiring Patrick to reunite with Olbermann, his former “SportsCenter” anchormate, sounded like a perfect idea. Olbermann gave the program a needed bolt of energy last year, with his talent for highlight narration and bristling, funny commentary.

He likes me. He really, really likes me. And you know what? Keith Olbermann's Ego likes him for loving me.

Bringing Patrick and Olbermann together presents a bit of an issue because Olbermann has redefined himself as a solo political broadcaster on MSNBC. Whatever you think of his clear leanings in the presidential race, he is a fascinating, dangerous showman whose expressive face needs to be seen more often than highlight narration allows.

Take note Dick Ebersol. The NYT wants to see more of me, me, me, me and less of everyone else. Did I mention how much I really, really, really like this guy from the NYT?

Tom Brokaw: Idiot

So at last Tom Brokaw admits that he had me canned reassigned.

In an interview...Mr. Brokaw said..he had “advocated” within the executive suite of NBC News to modify the anchor duties of the MSNBC hosts Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews on election night and on nights when there were presidential debates. Their expressions of strong political opinions from the MSNBC anchor desk has run counter to the more traditional role Mr. Brokaw played on “NBC Nightly News” for more than two decades.

See this is the problem with Tom "Idiot" Brokaw right there. He's trying to hold onto a model that is over 20 years old (as opposed to holding onto a 20-year old model which is a totally different thing). No less than Phil Griffin, the president of MSNBC called Countdown a model for the newscast of the future. I'm hip and happening baby! Tom is not. 'Nuff said.

“Keith is an articulate guy who writes well and doesn’t make his arguments in a ‘So’s your old mother’ kind of way,” Mr. Brokaw said. “The mistake was to think he could fill both roles. The other mistake was to think he wouldn’t be tempted to use the anchor position to engage in commentary. That’s who he is.”

And people love me for it Tom. You still don't get it.

Mr. Brokaw is 68 now, and the strain of a frenetic travel and work schedule appears to show in ways it did not before. At times on “Meet the Press” or on “Today” in recent weeks, Mr. Brokaw’s eyes have appeared to be mere slits and he has seemed short of breath. “My daughters will say I look tired,” he said. Asked if he was exhausted, he said: “Yeah, a little bit. Who wouldn’t be?”

See? Tom Brokaw is old. He doesn't understand the world of television news today. I do. And I am the future of television news. And that's why I am loved, adored, and worshiped. As it should be. the kids love me. Tom Brokaw isn't smart enough to get the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. Tom do yourself a favor and go back to Idaho or Wyoming or Nebraska or wherever it is that you have your little log cabin Tom and retire already. We here at MSKONBC will do just fine without you.

Things I love the Most

The Yankees and Myself. Pop Quiz: Count how many times I talk about myself in this article.