Keith Olbermann's Ego Doesn't Even Like football

so why would the Ego care that he's just been kicked to the end zone at Football Night in America?

Happy (Belated) Birthday to Katy Tur's Ego!

So Katy Tur's birthday was last week and it simply slipped The Ego's mind. But you will have to excuse Keith Olbermann's Ego (and that's an order, not a request). The Ego was really, really busy, what with advising the President of the Free World, watching the Yankees go to the World Series working on both Countdown and Football Night in America. How could the Ego be expected to remember that Katy Tur's Ego was having (yet another) birthday. About that Katy: as you know, The Ego likes younger women (just so long as they are legal). And Katy, sadly, is aging. Can you really blame The Ego for wanting to forget she was getting yet another year older? The Ego on the other hand is timeless, like fine merlot.

The Reviews Are In

and The Ego was fabulous. USA Today loved Keith Olbermann's Ego too. And the icing on the cake? The Ego managed to piss off conservatives in the process. Does it get any better than that?

Putting the "Super" in "Super Bowl"

You know what makes the Super Bowl so great? Yeah baby, you got it. Keith Olbermann's big fat ego. And the other guy? He's what you call a "supporting cast member". Sunday, NBC, all-f'ing day: be there to witness the Ego's greatness. And oh yeah, there's some kind of sporting event being held that day too.

At least the New York Times likes me best.

Review of Football Night in America in the New York Times this morning. And there is the typical grumbling that our 99 hosts (and counting) are way too many. Keith Olbermann's Ego totally agrees. It should be more me, less them.

Hiring Patrick to reunite with Olbermann, his former “SportsCenter” anchormate, sounded like a perfect idea. Olbermann gave the program a needed bolt of energy last year, with his talent for highlight narration and bristling, funny commentary.

He likes me. He really, really likes me. And you know what? Keith Olbermann's Ego likes him for loving me.

Bringing Patrick and Olbermann together presents a bit of an issue because Olbermann has redefined himself as a solo political broadcaster on MSNBC. Whatever you think of his clear leanings in the presidential race, he is a fascinating, dangerous showman whose expressive face needs to be seen more often than highlight narration allows.

Take note Dick Ebersol. The NYT wants to see more of me, me, me, me and less of everyone else. Did I mention how much I really, really, really like this guy from the NYT?

Another vote for KONBC

I'm really beginning to embrace the sound of this. I've already talked them into lots of repeats of me. I loves me some me after all and of course the viewers do too. So why not extend this out a bit? Replay the Football Night in America show from Sunday Night on a continuous loop in the overnight hours. It's have to be better than the "Red Eye" shit that FNC puts on in the middle of the night, right?

Ahhhh. More great press.

They love me. They really love me. And why wouldn't they? I am greatness personified even when it's doing something so trivial as football highlights. It would be better if it were baseball highlights but whatever, praise is praise and I love it that this guy, this astute writer, no doubt a very intelligent man (but not as intelligenet as the genius that is me) gets me. And loves me. I am the GOLD STANDARD people. Use that phrase as often as possible about me from now on in your conversations about me. And of course you frequently talk about me. Because I'm me and I am GOLDEN.

Yeah that's right.

$4 million for 2 years. That's what my contract says. Raise your hand if you heard me lay that little bit of knowledge on Patrick tonight. Punk ass had it coming. I had to let him know just how important I am. But he should know that already right? Nothing like a preemptive strike though to let him know I rule.

The NY Daily News? Dead to me now too.

So this wise-ass punk from the NY Daily News has decided that I'm too partisan to cover football highlights. It's football people? How can I talk about politics in the middle of a football game? That's my story and I'm sticking to it no matter how much the haters hate on me. I can multitask and they're just envious because they can't.

Olbermann is either hated (that may not be a strong enough word) or loved. There is no middle ground. People who enjoy having something to complain about watch. So do sycophants who would not pass up the chance to kiss Olbermann's fanny.

He says sycophants like it's a bad thing. And we all know how much I enjoy having my ass kissed, so at least he's right on that score.

The haters who watch “Football Night In America” won't relate to Olbermann as just another schlub voicing over highlights. They may even tune out in disgust. Guess NBC Sports boss Dick Ebersol does not care about losing viewers on an hour-long program that ain't exactly a ratings juggernaut.

Football always trumps politics. Maybe someone will turn down the sound, they might switch the channel, but they'll always come back. And why? Because they love me. And football. Mostly football but still. I am loved. And hated. And even the haters will tune in. Why? Because they love to hate. See, it's all about the love.

Even if you subscribe to Olbermann's political agenda, the following thought might still occur: Doesn't he have something more important to do? Shouldn't Olbermann be preparing for his interview tomorrow night with Barack Obama rather than providing comprehensive analysis on Chad Johnnson changing his name to Chad Ocho Cinco?

He got that part right. Jesus if I had a dime for every time the Kos Crowd wanted me to talk about their little pet issues. And don't even get me started on the 9/11 Truth Conspiracy Whackjobs. I just wish they'd all cut me a break so I could concentrate on what's really important to me: me and what I want to talk about. Or not talk about. Is that really too much to ask?

Since Olbermann's focus is politricks, there is a perception that he couldn't care less, that these Sunday night trips to NBC's football studio amount to Olbermann's version of slumming, that he also digs descending from the mountain top to hang in the playpen with Patrick, Rapping Roberto, Collinsworth, The Bus and Tiki. Football fans see through this stuff. They know when someone cares more about the Electoral College than what college Keyunta Dawson attended.

Politricks. Very funny. Leave the wordsmithing to me, okay pal? And by pal I mean "my new and latest addition to my enemy list". I care about the Electoral College and Football. Not as much as I care about me or baseball, but it's right up there.Really.

The business end of this makes no sense either. Olbermann's “Countdown” show has gotten major buzz for buzz-challenged MSNBC. Olbermann is a brand. Why inject confusion into the mix by putting him on a football show? Unless, of course, Olbermann is calling the shot here.

Shows you how much this asshat knows. That's why he's a newspaper flack and as we all know, newspapers are a losing business these days. Where was I? Oh yeah, this idiot has no business sense when it comes to television. It's about E-X-P-O-S-U-R-E pal. My ratings went up after last season's FNIA gigs and it'll go up more this year. The more people see me the more they want of me, Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. Duh.

He has taken on an Anchor Monster persona. If he chooses to, Olbermann probably could get away with putting a verbal hit on McCain in between replays of quarterback sacks. Hey, the jive-time spin NBC and MSNBC suits put out when Olbermann remained in New York, rather than anchoring from the Republican Convention in Minny, provided ample evidence of just how long a leash this cat is on. It would not have been surprising if the suits said Olbermann stayed home because he was busy rehearsing for “Football Night In America.” A show that certainly could — and should — live without him.

Hee hee. Anchor Monster. I kinda like the sound of that. I am the anchor of all anchors after all. Note to self: Steal that line and use it again. Repeatedly. Do not give credit for it to this idiot-jerk however. Again-where was I? Oh yeah. Of course I have a long leash. I own MSNBC baby. And now I'm staking my claim on NBC Sports. It's only a matter of time before my master plan is in play and I own the entire damn network. Got a problem with that NY Daily News idiot? You should because once I'm king of NBC you won't even be allowed to watch the greatness that is me, Keith Olbermann's Ego. And he won't admit it but guess what? He'll be watching right along with the rest of you tonight. And that's how I get the last word and the last laugh on my critics (who are all secretly and not-so-secretly envious of me.) As it should be.

More Me. Always a Good Thing.

Are you ready for some more me? Ignore the guy next to me. It's really all about me.

Bigger than the Beatles.

Who were bigger than God. Do I really need to say more? Love the Times. Just Love Them.

With Election Day two months away, Olbermann said he was not worried about Obama and John McCain taking control of his heart and mind. He said: “The key thing is that half the season, plus the playoffs, is after the election. So it’ll get a little busy until the games, of, what Nov. 9? After that I start taking a lot of Fridays off. He added, “Plus, they got me this assistant guy, Dan What’s-His-Name.”

Dan thinks I was kidding with that quote. I wasn't. Seriously I wasn't. Dan free up some time around December okay? I've got some Christmas Shopping I need you to do.

Olbermann said, “On the radio show, I literally could walk in at 2 p.m., talk to him for 30 seconds about where he wanted to go in terms of topics, and we’d do our best work.” He added, “The only true effort is opening our mouths.”

Really I never prepare. I'm busy on Ebay dammit. Do you think I've got time to prepare for a stupid one-hour radio show? I was literally phoning it in. I'm not working any extra time that I don't have to.

“All I told Dick,” Patrick said, referring to Dick Ebersol, the chairman of NBC Sports, “is just leave our mics open. Leave everybody’s mics open, and if something strikes Tiki or Bob or Cris or Jerome; if you see something, say something.”

Yeah Dan. About that. I'm making an executive ruling here (and I do indeed rule. Don't forget it.) that there will be no open mikes at FNIA. That didn't work out so great for me or MSNBC at the DNC.

Olbermann-Patrick reunion should conjure magic again

Could? Is there any doubt?

Reasons why Dan Patrick and Deadspin suck

So Dan made his debut on the NBC Networks last night in his new role as a co-host with me on Football Night in America. Yeah America, that's right, we're going to be kicking it old school style just like we did back in the day at ESPN where we created Sports TV Anchoring as you know it. You know those wise-ass guys who think they're funny on local TV? You can thank me and Dan for inspiring them. Even though they are all just sad, pale imitators of the genuine article. Anyway so Dan was on with me last night on Countdown. And what did the SOB do? Posed himself so his Emmy Award was visible behind him throughout the whole damn interview. So what if he won an Emmy for Sports Hosting. Big f'ing deal. I have an ACE award for doing the same thing. He can take that Emmy and put it up......well, you get the picture.

P.S.: Whatever idiot on my staff who set up that live-shot? You're so fired.

Oh and Deadspin? You're on my list now too. What do you mean we failed to recapture the magic? It was a 3-minute freaking interview! Watch us this fall and weep as we recreate history, make magic, kick ass and take names. You ask why we're still relevant? Because I'm Keith Olbermann and that's all you need to know. Worship me. Please worship me. I need love. Lots of love. And fawning. Lots and lots of fawning. And nothing less is acceptable to me. And Patrick? Same goes for you. Kiss my fat ass because you and I both know you'd never have gotten the NFL gig without me, Keith Olbermann. Just call me "Sir" and we'll get along just fine, got it?