Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Help Wanted

Who says that that NBC/MSNBC is only laying off people these days? Look, there's a job opening on Countdown (although technically speaking, someone lost their job which is why this one is open). Okay my faithful fanatics, time to brush off those resumes and you too could work with the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive (but oh so talented) Ego.
Segment Producer, Countdown with Keith Olbermann Built on the worldwide resources of NBC News, MSNBC defines news for the next generation with world-class reporting and a full schedule of live news coverage, political analysis and award-winning documentary programming - 24 hours a day, seven days a week. MSNBC's home on the Internet is msnbc.com. Msnbc.com boasts the state-of-the-art technology of Microsoft and the first-rate reporting of NBC News. NBC Universal is one of the world's leading media and entertainment companies. We develop, produce and market entertainment, news and information to a global market. NBC Universal owns and operates a valuable portfolio of news and entertainment networks, a premier motion picture company, significant television production operations, a leading television stations group, and world-renowned theme parks. The Segment Producer, Countdown with Keith Olbermann is responsible for writing segments for "Countdown with Keith Olbermann". Responsibilities include, but are not limited to: Produce and write assigned segments, Copy edits assigned scripts, Determine video and sound for assigned segments, Communicate daily story development with senior producer, Be in control room during airing of assigned segment, Field produce segments with MSNBC correspondents, when warranted, Participate in editorial planning, Pitch story ideas, Advise line producers of tease ideas, Work with graphics producers to create show graphics. Qualifications/Requirements: Must have a minimum of 3 years experience in live television (i.e. morning shows, cable shows, broadcast TV, etc.), Eligibility Requirements: Interested candidates must submit a resume/CV through nbcunicareers.com to be considered, Must be willing and able to work flexible hours, under tight deadline pressure, including breaking news, Must be willing to work in New York, NY, Must be willing to take drug test and submit to a background investigation, Must have unrestricted work authorization to work in the United States, Must be 18 years or older, Additional Eligibility Qualifications: For U.S. employment opportunities, GE hires U.S. citizens, permanent residents, asylees, refugees, and temporary residents. Temporary residence does not include those with non-immigrant work authorization (F, J, H or L visas), such as students in practical training status. Exceptions to these requirements will be determined based on shortage of qualified candidates with a particular skill. GE will require proof of work authorization. Any offer of employment is conditioned upon the successful completion of a background investigation and drug screen. Desired Characteristics: Expert writer and storyteller, Ability to enterprise, research, and plan stories, Ability to "book" guests, work with props, graphics, and special elements, Exceptional editorial skills: Ability to recognize stories with high potential for provocative, passionate, compelling television, Knowledge of politics and current events, Up to date on blogs, websites, periodicals, including Op-Eds.
Does this sound like you? If so, apply here. And then one day you can tell your grandchildren what it was like to work with the greatest broadcaster in the history of the universe.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Head Clown in the Circus

The AP hasn't had a good year. Their political and tv writers are idiots who don't get the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego but they called it right in this profile of my ole' high school non-chum and later ESPN co-worker, Chris Berman. The fat idiot is so dumb he couldn't figure out how to get out of ESPN like most of the rest of us talented ones did. Let's face it, the greatest days of ESPN were when The Ego and his butt boy Dan Patrick ruled SportsCenter. It's been in decline since the day The Ego left.
"He could have become the sage voice at ESPN by now, a voice of maturity, credibility and wisdom," New York Post columnist Phil Mushnick said. "Instead, he's the voice that does the imitation of Chris Berman. He's the head clown in the circus over there."
Love it. Although I think it's safer to say that Berman is the circus and ESPN are the clowns. Those guys never got the greatness that is The Ego either.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Songs from Keith Olbermann's Ego's IPOD: The Rolling Stones

So Keith Olbermann and his gigantic ego are on vacation this week. The Ego knows that the Ego's absence is tough for the Ego's devoted fans who hang on every single little syllable that the Ego utters (as you should). But think how glad you'll all be when the Ego returns fresh and rested and rarin' to go (as in go admire myself in the mirror, natch). If the pain of The Ego's abscence is just too great to bear, just break out your DVD's and video tapes and whatever it is you use to record Countdown and all The Ego's various media appearance. Come on. I know you are all sitting on vast libraries of my work. And if you're missing a show or three, just let Keith Olbermann's Ego know. Of course, The Ego has almost every single second of the The Ego's oh-so-fabulous career documented and preserved for posterity. The Ego knows that one day this library will serve as a guidepost and a roadmap for aspiring journalists everywhere as of course, Keith Olbermann is the greatest journalist who has ever lived or who will ever live. That's why The Ego gets paid the big bucks.

The Ego bids you all sweet adieu til our paths cross again (after the holidays) and leaves you with this musical selection from my Ipod as an early Christmas present:

Monday, December 22, 2008

Reasons why I hate the LA Times

As if Keith Olbermann's ego needed any additional reasons to hate the LA Times there's there alleged media "critic" hating on the greatness that is Keith Olbermann. She actually had the audacity to claim that Keith Olbermann was one of the worst things in television this year.
Keith Olbermann at the Democratic convention (MSNBC). We've been wondering where the line between anchor and pundit was drawn these days. With his harangues, rants, instant analyses and general boorishness, Olbermann found it, crossed it and was sent down.
At least Bill O'Reilly and Sarah Palin made the list too.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Tommy Lee, Pam Anderson, Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick?

The Sporting News claims that Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann had one of the greatest "bromances" in sports. True that. But the comparison to Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson?
Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick. The Tommy Lee and Pamala Anderson of bromances, their brotherhood blossomed on the set of SportsCenter in the mid-90s. The two even co-authored a book called “The Big Show,” the catch-phrase they shared on screen to describe ESPN’s hallmark program. But it didn’t last. The bromance fizzled when Keith left in ’97. Later, Dan would move on to SI. But now the two have been reunited once more to rekindle the bromance on NBC’s “Football Night in America.” Like Pam and Tommy, this second go around likely won’t last either. At least they’ll always have “en fuego.”
Well if they say so. But Keith Olbermann's Ego totally gets to be Tommy Lee if you know what the Ego is trying to say.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Keith Olbermann NOT marriage material?

Keith Olbermann's Ego is very pleased to read today that journalists are considered to be amongst the least "eligible" in the marriage market.
It really does pay to be a doctor, with an international survey showing the medical profession is the most trusted, among the most admired and includes the most eligible marriage partners. By contrast, actors and musicians, along with journalists and advertisers, were among professionals that people trusted the least, and were also least likely to choose a partner from, according to a survey by Synovate, the market research arm of Aegis Group plc.

Whew. Thank God for surveys like this. It gets The Ego off the hook for having to marry ole' Katy (and she is getting older by the minute). And I've got double the excuse now too since Katy is employed as a journalist too, this survey proves that we are both miserable marriage material. (And trust The Ego, if I did get married I would be miserable). So now I can spend all that money I'd have to spend waste on an engagement ring on what I really want to spend it on anyway: baseball cards. A man has to have priorities right?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Keith Olbermann and a 17-year old?

Keith Olbermann's Ego would never touch a 17-year old. But 18? 18's legal in all 50 states right?

But Katy Tur was actually 23 when Keith Olbermann's Nymphet-Loving Ego moved her into the "Love Shack" so it's all legal got it?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Keith Olbermann would never do coke

Keith Olbermann's Ego would never do a line of coke off of a baby's head. But The Ego will add these idiots at Red Eye are my List. Who watches these idiots anyway? The show comes on at like 4 am in the morning. Who's awake at that hour anyway except me and my crazy legs?

Sorry that this vid came from the creeps at Olbermannwatch but it was the only one The Ego could find at Youttube.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Keith Olbermann is not Jesus Christ

Sure Keith Olbermann has a massive ego. I mean come on, The Ego has it's own blog! But never, ever (not yet anyway) has The Ego compared himself to Jesus Christ. Bill O'Reilly is truly the gift that keeps on giving isn't he?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

When Giant Chin Meets Gigantic Ego

so says Jossip. Hmmm. Which one am I again?

Financial troubles? Not me!

So apparently the mothership at NBC is having a bit of a financial squeeze. And apparently the network has booted people like Kevin Corke and Bob Faw. And Don Teague & Mark Mullen and 498 other people.

But Keith Olbermann's Ego? Sitting on 30 million over the next 4 years baby! No financial woes for me as I chill in my Park Avenue pad with my 20-something babe beside me. And you know why? Because the Ego is worth every single penny.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Rachel Maddow is one of the smartest people in TV?

That's what Entertainment Weekly says. Seriously, WTF? Keith Olbermann's Ego is the Smartest kid in the big ole' hall that is television. But what does this piece o'crap magazine say about Maddow instead of the Ego?
SMART BECAUSE The Air America radio vet guest-hosted for Keith Olbermann in April; by September she had her own show, bringing an intellectually progressive bent to the cable-news talking-head cacophony, as encapsulated by her tagline, ''Mind over chatter.'' Bonus smart points to MSNBC president Phil Griffin for using talent like Maddow and Olbermann to help define the network's point of view; Maddow rewarded his faith by doubling the audience for MSNBC's 
9 p.m. time slot.
Phil Griffin for using talent like Maddow and Olbermann? I thought we'd been through this point before. Phil Griffin is my bitch. He doesn't have a clue as to what to say or do unless I tell him what to say or to do. Just think of him as having The Ego's hand up his ass like a ventriloquist's dummy and you get the picture. Clearly however, Entertainment Weekly does NOT.

Rachel Maddow was Keith Olbermann's discovery not Phil's. Rachel Maddow has a job because of Keith Olbermann, not Phil Griffin. Rachel Maddow has an agent because of Keith Olbermann (and being the genius that is Keith Olbermann's Ego, that agent is ole Keith's long-time agent who always remembers to look out for KO first-as it should be). So in short, EW is so stupid they don't even have the sense to put Keith Olbermann on their smartest list. Keith Olbermann should have been numbers 1-25 on that damned list. Even the damn harpies from The View were on the list but not Keith Olbermann. Don't they know that Keith Olbermann graduated from high school at 16? Don't they know that the genius that is Keith Olbermann never went to class and still earned a degree from an Ivy League school? Don't they know that Keith Olbermann runs his own damn network? This may require one of my very Special Comments (note to self: write angry diatribe against EW for next week's show).

Smartest people on TV huh? I've got a list of the dumbest magazines in the world right here. Guess who is at #1 stupidest magazine? Entertainment Weekly. And #2-25? Yep, you got it: Entertainment Weekly. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. But not Keith Olbermann. Keith Olbermann is a genius (no matter what some stupid "entertainment" magazine says). And don't ever forget that Keith Olbermann is a genius or else, got it people?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Keith Olbermann is Sean Hannity?

So now that Bush has 49 days left in office, Fox News is no longer the mouthpiece of the Republican administration. So who is to fill that massive void? Why Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego of course! Jon Stewart lays down the parallels between the new (MSNBC) and the Faux (the Fixed News network). But honestly Jon, The best comparison you can find for the greatness that is Keith Olbermann is the very mediocre and not very smart Sean Hannity? Sean Hannity? It wounds Jon. It really wounds.
"Hannity and Olbermann: "Partisan ideologue who fears for the world if it's in any way touched by the hands of his political enemies"
Fear is too strong of a word Jon. The word is really "hate". But what the hell, at least people now recognize MSKONBC. So Keith Olbermann's Ego gets the last laugh after all.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Songs from Keith Olbermann's Ego's IPOD

Enjoy this musical selection from Elton John, vintage 1978.

Take a look at me now and take a taste of the money
I'm not in it for the bread I'm in it for the gravy, honey
Step on the thin ice lightly
And check out the show twice nightly
'Cause I'm on the stage tonight
And if the price is right
I will amaze before the light I crave the light
Blinding white I need the light tonight

Take a look at me now and take a look at my billing
I'm not in it as an extra, I'm in it for the killing
Inflate my ego gently, tell them heaven sent me
'Cause I'm so expressive and I'm so obsessed with my ego
My ego and it's message
Oh inform the press, invite the guests
I need the press tonight

Do you remember acting out your youth
A Romeo resplendent on an orange case
Do you remember how I would recite
And how I'd blow my lines and hide my face

Well maybe it was childish, foolish, before schoolish
Immaturish, lose your coolish
But I had to grow and prove my ego

Take a look at me now and take a taste of the money
I'm not in it for the bread I'm in it for the gravy, honey
Inflate my ego gently, tell them heaven sent me
Oh 'cause I'm so expressive and I'm so obsessed with my ego
My ego and it's message
Oh inform the press, invite the guests
I need the press tonight

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Keith Olbermann's got Women Problems

At least according to Aaron Barnhart.
Keith Olbermann has signed a new contract with MSNBC . . . .and apparently there is a. . clause in there that calls for KO to improve his relationship with female viewers, now that Rachel Maddow is proving to be as big a draw some nights as "Countdown" is. Or at least, that's my pop explanation for KO's appearance today on "The View."
Women trouble? Keith Olbermann has problems with women? Keith Olbermann has never, ever had a problem with women. Please, who put Rachel Maddow on the air to begin with? No, not Tucker Carlson you dumbass, it was the genius of Keith Olbermann that first put Rachel on the air (and don't ever mention Tucker Carlson to me again, got it?). But Aaron insists that was the real reason The Ego went on Martha Stewart's show too.
it appears MSNBC and its number one talent, Keith Olbermann, have decided he has a woman problem. Appearing on "The View" was just the start -- this week, he made a triple-chocolate pumpkin pie with Martha Stewart. Next week, I understand Carson Kressley is going to show him just how beautiful he looks in the buff!
Keith Olbermann's Ego would never appear in the buff anywhere near Carson Kressley although that would kill two birds with one stone so to speak, increasing The Ego's demos with both women and the gays. Hmmmm. (Note to self: Suggest this idea to MSNBC PR department if they can stop booking Rachel Maddow interviews long enough to pay attention to THE real talent on MSKONBC).
Tellingly, KO has used segments of "Countdown" to play back highlights of both appearances, and while KO contributes the requisite amount of eye-rolling at what a dork he is on these programs, even this gesture serves to underscore the larger point: KO is strong enough to be a man even on a show that's made for a woman.
How dare Barnhart suggest that the genius and great talent that is Keith Olbermann's Ego would ever pander to a particular audience to increase his ratings!
And because "The View" and "Martha Stewart Living" are aimed at women (certainly much more than "Countdown" is aimed at men), they're a great way to pick up chicks.
Bingo! The Girlfriend is beginning to age out of The Ego's dating demo (18-25). Got to look for new blood to replace the old after all and what better place to throw out the proverbial net than tv? After all, it's worked for Keith Olbermann's Ego thus far.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Keith Olbermann in Martha Stewart's Kitchen

Behold: Keith Olbermann's Ego in the Kitchen with Martha Stewart. Doesn't The Ego look comfy and cozy in that sweater? Why the Ego looks almost.......dare we say it? Domestic. As George W. Bush would say, "Mission Accomplished". Don't you love how Keith Olbermann's Ego was able to subtly work in those references of domestic harmony and bliss with The Girlfriend? The girlfriend cooking Thanksgiving dinner, the vacations at the beach......it almost makes the Ego sound human doesn't it? It's so great it deserves two whole segments. And just observe how much Martha Stewart loves Keith Olbermann's Ego, even if she did have Rachel on her show before The Ego. The Ego will overlook that mistake because Martha Stewart gives The Ego what it loves the most: free publicity and adoration. As it should be.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Keith Olbermann, Martha Stewart, and Triple Chocolate Pumpkin Pie

Yeah, you heard Keith Olbermann's Ego correctly. In what is sure to be MustSeeTV, Keith Olbermann will be joining Martha Stewart in the kitchen on her little program this coming Monday. No I'm not kidding. See, says so right here.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Keith Olbermann's Ego did not break up with this woman.

Keith Olbermann's ego would actually have to KNOW this woman first. And based upon what they taught The Ego at his fancy, exclusive prep school and Ivy League university, The Ego is equally certain that it is genetically impossible for him to have fathered the child depicted in this photo. Besides, The Ego would never, ever deign to go to Alaska--at least not until they got a major league baseball team and even then, no. Honestly, is there any compelling reason whatsoever why Keith Olbermann's Ego should even care about Alaska? It may be a part of the United States, and there may be viewers there but honestly, the only two cities that really matter are Los Angeles and New York City. Better luck with Bill Maher Alaska woman I don't even know (and definitely did not have an Eskimo child with).

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Where in the world is Keith Olbermann's Ego?

Where in the world is Keith Olbermann's Ego? Gone Fishing. Not that the ego Fishes, too much like manual labor for the likes of KO's massive ego. But you get the idea. Keith Olbermann's Ego has decided to take a vacation for the entire week. While I'm gone, please amuse yourselves by watching your Keith Olbermann videos. I know you people have them. And if you don't, then spend your time acquiring one. It's another one of those Laws for the Keith Olbermann fan which you must obey. Why? Because Keith Olbermann's Ego said so.

Monday, November 17, 2008

So Keith Olbermann's Ego does not vote. So what?

Honestly, Keith Olbermann's Ego is sick and tired of having to deal with the fall-out from this appearance on BitchFest 2008 The View. So what if the Ego does not vote? The Ego lives in the civilized world (the real, real America to borrow a phrase) and therefore is 10 years ahead of some of you in the swing states and The Ego's vote simply does not matter as a result. What difference does one vote possibly make anyway? And look, The Ego has already fully explained this position on Daily Kos, shouldn't that be enough for you people?
I Constantly Reconsider It: But I've analogized it here many times to my days in sports. When I found myself personally invested in the athletes I covered - had a meal with some, professionally friendly, that sort of stuff - there was actually a drag on my willingness to criticize them on the air. Not good. And I felt it again last spring (ironically enough) about criticizing Senator Clinton (yes, I know her supporters will spit soup over this). But you may recall I was accused, as late as January, of being "in the tank for Hillary," and even that slightest personal connection provided by the Clintons' support of The Special Comments made me hesitate or delay my criticism. I think that voting for a candidate would create the same investment for me. I doubt anybody else would feel that way, but that's my standard. And yes, if circumstances demanded that I had to walk on the edge of the cliff, and vote, I would do so. by Keith Olbermann on Fri Nov 14, 2008 at 01:24:39 PM PST
Now that makes perfect sense doesn't it? What? It doesn't to you? Well that just goes to show you that Keith Olbermann's Ego is thinking on a level way, way beyond what some of you less-intellectually gifted fans can. And so long as The Ego gets it, you should just STFU and accept The Ego's wisdom on this score, got it? Consider it yet another one of my rules for being a true Keith Olbermann fan: utter blind devotion and no questioning of what I say. Okay so that's really two laws but still, you get the point.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

More Gay Love for Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann's ego loves it when famous people talk about their love for Keith Olbermann.Ellen Degeneres on her dream guests for her talk show:
"Bono — he’s an amazing man. And George Clooney, of course. We’re gonna capture him one day. And now I want Keith Olbermann on just because I love him, I think he’s brilliant."
Right back atcha Ellen. And you know what? Keith Olbermann's Ego knows he is brilliant.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It is not possible to sum up Keith Olbermann in 60 Seconds.

But somehow, Huffington Post's 23/6 has tried. Or as Jossip puts it:
It just encompasses every trope in Olbermann's playbook, which is a) Calling people fascists; b) Disdainfully calling people "sir"; c) Being super incredulous; Did I get them all? Wouldn't want to miss one of his other emotions besides ironic smugness and constipation that allowed him to get that huge re-up on MSNBC.

The Gays Love Keith Olbermann

I knew my Ego's stirring comments on Prop 8 would pay off. And here's the proof: The Blade loves me, and not just in the way they love Anderson Cooper or Shep Smith either.
Keith Olbermann's Ego thinks that it was the little catch in the voice and the moisture in the eyes (thanks Visine!) that suckered them in, or maybe it's just that naturally recognize that Keith Olbermann is one hell of a guy. The Keith Olbermann World Domination Tour continues.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

How much is Keith Olbermann worth?

Keith Olbermann is priceless. But if forced to pick a number, then the answer is $30 million over four years. Sure that bumps The Ego up into a higher tax category (thanks President Obama) but who the hell cares? Keith Olbermann is the king god of cable news. As it should be.

Monday, November 10, 2008

More me. Always a good thing.

Yes, that's right. Keith Olbermann's Ego is now guaranteed to be on MSNBC through the 2012 re-election of President Obama. Dig it.
NEW YORK - Nov. 10, 2008 - MSNBC has voted for four more years of Keith Olbermann and the top-rated "Countdown with Keith Olbermann," it was announced today by Phil Griffin, President, MSNBC. The new four-year agreement calls for Olbermann to continue as host of "Countdown;" additionally, Olbermann will play a prominent role in MSNBC's coverage of all major news events. He will also continue to co-host NBC's "Football Night in America" studio show.
"Keith Olbermann is at the core of MSNBC's current success," said Griffin. "'Countdown' is our signature program and I'm thrilled that we're going to be able to bring it to Keith's loyal viewers for another four year term."
"I'm delighted that we can continue to lock Countdown into the nation's political dialogue through at least the next election," said Olbermann. "Personally, I noticed that as of about six weeks ago, I'd been doing this show longer than I did SportsCenter, so it's delightful to have a true home."
In October 2008, "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" had its best month ever in the key Adults 25-54 demographic, and is up a tremendous 170 percent in A25-54 from Oct. 2007 and up 180 percent in total viewers. "Countdown" continued its dominance over CNN at 8 p.m., out-rating "Campbell Brown" by 35 percent in A25-54 and 41 percent in total viewers. Excluding coverage of the presidential debates, "Countdown" is the #3 top-rated show in cable news in A25-54. "Countdown" is also the #1 cable news show among young viewers, Adults 18-34.
Since the last presidential election in 2004, "Countdown" has seen dramatic ratings increases, up a huge 238 percent among Adults 25-54 and 206 percent in total viewers.
Olbermann, who was named one of the Top Ten Most Powerful People in TV News for 2007 and 2008 by Television Week, began his NBC career in 1997, when he was anchor for NBC Sports, hosting the World Series and Major League Baseball's All-Star Game, and contributing to pre-game coverage of the Super Bowl. During that time he was also host of two primetime news programs on MSNBC, "The Big Show" and "White House In Crisis." Olbermann returned to MSNBC in 2003 as a substitute host on "Nachman" and an anchor for MSNBC's coverage of the war in Iraq before launching "Countdown" in April of 2003. Previously, Olbermann provided twice-daily commentary, "Speaking of Sports" and "Speaking of Everything" for ABC Radio Network. Prior to that, he was a regular contributor covering news and sports on CNN.
Olbermann is well known for anchoring ESPN's "SportsCenter" from 1992 to 1997, when his inimitable style made the blend of pop culture and sports a hallmark of the modern television sports reporter. While at ESPN, Olbermann helped launch ESPN2 and ESPN Radio network and wrote the critically acclaimed book "The Big Show" with Dan Patrick about his experiences working on "SportsCenter."
He is the recipient of numerous distinguished awards in radio and television broadcasting, including the 1995 Cable Ace Award for Best Sportscaster and 11 Golden Mike Awards for excellence in television and radio. Olbermann also received two Edward R. Murrow Awards, one for his coverage of the events of 9/11 and another for the anniversary coverage of 9/11.
In addition to his extensive broadcasting experience, Olbermann has written for dozens of publications, including The New York Times, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, Sports Illustrated and Playboy. His first book, "The Major League Coaches," was published when he was 14. His latest book, "Truth & Consequences," a collection of his "Special Comments" from "Countdown," is a New York Times best-seller. He also published "The Worst Person in the World," based on the popular segment within "Countdown."
Phil Griffin is President, MSNBC. Izzy Povich is the Executive Producer, "Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

The Power of Change......but not for me

So the NY Times has picked up on the new (temporary MSNBC slogan): The Power of Change.
“Presidents have the power to change lives, to change course, to change America,” the ad’s narrator says. Before the election, the ad quoted John F. Kennedy’s famous “ask not” address. By Wednesday, it had been updated with a line from Mr. Obama’s election-night speech: “At this defining moment, change has come to America.”
Now there are lots of things I'd like to change about MSNBC. Let's start with the name for: we all know it really should be MSKONBC. Secondly? Joey Scar and his girlfriend Mika could hit the road. Today. And take that annoying little creep Willie Geist with them. Thirdly? Say goodbye Chrissie. But you know who I hope stays the same? Fox News.
On election night, Fox attracted many more viewers than MSNBC — until Mr. Obama was pronounced the victor. During the midnight hour, when Mr. Obama spoke in Chicago, MSNBC averaged 5.6 million viewers, compared with Fox’s 3.9 million.
Damn right we're your offical Obama network so there's no need for me to change one iota: I'm perfect just like I am. And why? Because I'm Keith Olbermann's Ego and I said so, that's why.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I told you Page Six was going to write about me

So Page Six decided to hold off til after the election to write about the genius that is Keith Olbermann's Mighty and Massive Ego. And of course it's the usual collection of lies about me (and remember, Rule Number One? If I say it's a lie, it's a lie--I don't care if there's video evidence of it, it's still a lie if I say it is, got it?). Let's see, demanded to get a first-class train ticket to DC (I'm the star of MSNBC dammit-like I was going to ride 2nd class on Amtrak)? And something about tomato packets at Lincoln Center.
Olbermann's diva behavior off-camera—insiders say the anchor demands more security than an Olsen twin—might provide his colleagues with eye-rolling fodder. But on-air, those erratic personality traits have made his five-year-old show, Countdown With Keith Olbermann, a hit.
Hey--the Olsen twins-how old are they anyway? Katy's aging out pretty rapidly on me. Where was I? Oh yeah--hit. See, even the NY Post has had to acknowledge that Keith Olbermann is a hit! And if Murdoch's Post says it, you know it's true (yeah, I know, I normally tell you to avoid them like the plague and that they lie constantly but this one time, they're right--I'm a hit). And they were really right twice in this article.
Countdown is credited with transforming MSNBC from a third-stringer into the fastest-growing cable network in 2008.
Read that line again. I like that line. Alot. Done? Good, now we can move on to the rest of the pack of lies this rag printed about me. Why don't I sue them you ask? What? And give them free publicity? Never (and then there's the ever-so-slight, and I mean it's minuscule, possibility they're sometimes right about me, not that I'd ever admit it). There's the usual crap about my feuds with Matthews & Scarborough. Let me explain this to you. I was merely directing them. They were going over their allotted time and cutting into mine. And then there's this bullshit about Tom Brokaw.
"It's gotten to the point where on primary night Brokaw wouldn't sit at the same desk with Matthews and Olbermann," says one insider. "They'd be working no more than 10 feet apart, but he wouldn't be shot at the same desk."
Who wants to sit beside Brokaw anyway? He's an old man. He has that old man smell. And it's not just me that thinks Brokaw should go ahead and retire:
Williams is allegedly angry that Brokaw, known among insiders as the "Dean of the Network," didn't step aside after his retirement from NBC Nightly News in 2004, but instead has taken on a bigger role during the election, serving as a special correspondent. . .as a result of Brokaw's involvement, Williams has been less visible during the network's election coverage
See? Even Brian Williams can't get along with the old bastard. I'm hoping President-Elect Obama will pass a law or something for Brokaw's mandatory retirement.
But for the most part, this man with many enemies keeps his inner circle very small. Olbermann isn't known as the type of boss who treats his staffers to after-work cocktails or makes a point of remembering their birthdays. Olbermann reportedly communicates with his MSNBC staff through a mailbox, and ordered a new, solid door for his office because he was uncomfortable having a window in the door into which people could see. But loyalists note that he's not a total Grinch. "He insisted on a big raise for his producer when she was fielding an offer from CNN," says an insider.
See? I am loyal! Who says I'm not loyal?
Should Maddow's ratings not hold up after the election, Olbermann's associates agree that he will be the first one to sell her down the river if necessary to save himself. "I'm sure there's some jealousy there," says one insider. "He'll take credit for her success, but should she fail miserably he'll be the first to say, 'It was a nice experiment, but let's try something else.'"
Okay fans what is my second rule regarding anything negative printed about me? That's right. It's lies unless the person is willing to go on the record with their name, address, and social security number (makes it easier for my bodyguards to track 'em down). But the Post did contain some good news in this little hatchet-job on me and MSNBC.
Chris Matthews is done," says an insider. "There are two erratic individuals—and he's not the one getting the numbers."
I know that the Post meant that as a slam at my mental stability but fuck 'em: they printed this tasty quote:
"Nightly News is in first place [and] MSNBC jumped from the 21st most-watched network [on] cable and prime time to the 10th most-watched in one month," (Olbermann)said on his show last month, in reaction to news that Page Six Magazine was working on this story.
See there--ratings--again, I rule.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Ben Affleck is a Genius

So now that Obama has won and the democracy has been saved, in no small part thanks to me, Keith Olbermann's Ego, let's go back to discussing some really important subjects okay? Like, you know, me. Me. Me. Me.
Ben Affleck is a genius. Sure he's got an Oscar and all of that but that's not why he's a genius. He's a genius because he recognizes that I, Keith Olbermann's Ego is a genius. And anyone who gets my genius is a genius in my book. Just not as smart of a genius as I am.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

For the Record, Keith Olbermann does not live with his mother

Keith Olbermann's Ego lives with a girl half his age. More than half his age actually. Other than that, Ben Affleck captured the genius and the passion and the outrage that is Keith Olbermann's Ego.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Live from New York: It's ME ME ME ME!

More evidence of how important Keith Olbermann truly is: his very own parody on Saturday Night Live.
Ben Affleck, who’s hosting “Saturday Night Live” this week, was rehearsing a skit this afternoon mocking Keith Olbermann when Olbermann himself got past security to watch, according to a source with knowledge of the incident. A source described the skit as “savage,” in portraying Olbermann as a deranged person living at home with his mother. Affleck, said a source, became uneasy with Olbermann in attendance at the 3 p.m., closed-set rehearsal. But Olbermann, through a spokesman, was complimentary on his first time being mocked on "SNL" — a position his MSNBC colleague Chris Matthews has been in over the years.
“I’m not Sarah Palin,” Olbermann said. “I know how valuable it is to me. And it’s funny."
Okay actually? The Ego isn't too happy to know he's being mocked but is more thrilled to know that he is known.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Obama should have picked Keith Olbermann as his running mate

Seriously--have you seen these ratings? People watched the moving and inspiring 30-minute Obama special and do you know what they did then? They all changed their channels to watch the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego. See-if only Obama had chosen Keith Olbermann instead of Joe Biden as VP---he'd be even more popular than he already is. The Giant O ticket--think of the possibilities!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Keith Olbermann Rules the Ratings

The third quarter ratings are out and I'm compelled to let everyone know that Keith Olbermann's ego rocks the ratings game these days.
But the eyebrow raising story to emerge from a month dominated by politics was MSNBC. The traditionally third-place network inched passed CNN in the primetime in the 25-54 sales demographic, to give the network its best primetime performance in its 12-year history.

And you know why? No, it's not because of Rachel Maddow, it's because of me, The Ego because I'm the one who put Rachel on the air! Behold the genius of Keith Olbermann's Ego people. Remember, it's not called MSNBC KONBC for nothing.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Anderson Cooper? Anderson Cooper?

You got be f'ing kidding me. Anderson Cooper is the "new Edward R. Murrow"? What does he do that I don't do? Oh yeah, sure he goes to the scene of any natural disaster. Big f'ing deal. He just does it so he can emote for the camera. The Ego does not need to sink to such cheap tricks. The great thing about being Keith Olbermann's ego is that it doesn't require travel. And so he's on 60 Minutes now. Big deal. Do you know who watches that show? Old people. I have hip, young viewers. And I'm ME dammit: The Ego That Roared. How dare this idiot say that I'm not today's Edward R. Murrow--the "complete" package--whatever that means. And you know what else? The Ego lives with a 20-something GIRL. The Ego is a red-blooded, all-American MALE who likes young women (the younger the better). So was Murrow. So see? Keith Olbermann's Ego is today's real Murrow, not this Anderson Cooper guy, his globe-trotting, and his Prada suits.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

And you ask me WHY I need to do a nightly special comment?

It's not just the part about saving this great nation from another 8 years of incompetent Republican rule, it's also this.
On the first night of Keith Olbermann's nightly Special Campaign Comments, the MSNBC program had its highest viewership ever in the A25-54 demo (935,000). Countdown was #1 in demo and #2 in Total Viewers (behind The O'Reilly Factor). Also, Hardball was #1 at 7pmET and The Rachel Maddow Show was #1 at 9pmET in the demo.
Yeah go ahead, admit it. The Ego is Loved. As it should be.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Friday, October 17, 2008

John McCain knows who I am!

And Keith Olbermann's Ego has the video to prove it! Even if he did imply that there was a padded room ready and waiting for The Ego.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

3 Debates

That's how long it took for TVNewser to figure out that Keith Olbermann's Ego wasn't exactly serving as an "analyst" for MSNBC but was instead, still serving as an anchor on debate nights. What did this fool think I was going to do? Sit alongside the likes of Chris Matthews or Joe "Scar" Scarborough like they were my equals or something? Instead I got rid of the baggage (seriously, Matthews was dragging me down) and The Ego gets Two Hours to say and do whatever the hell it wants. As it should be. Ain't life grand? It is when you are the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego.

Monday, October 13, 2008

My bad.

Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego may have inadvertently deleted two comments instead of approving them. Guess I shouldn't have had that extra glass bottle of wine for dinner.

David Letterman?

So on my list. Apparently he had this to say last week about me. Or more accurately, my big giant head. Seriously, this is what he said about me. That I have a big giant head. Don't believe me? Read this.
In announcing the tenative return of McCain to the show, Letterman reminded viewers that he had been reduced to booking "that guy with the giant head," Keith Olbermann, as a last-minute replacement.
But does Dave ask WHY I have a giant head? To contain my giant ego, duh.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Page Six and Me.

Keith Olbermann's massive ego would like to remind you that tomorrow Page Six will print an untrue story about me. How do I know it will be untrue? Because it's in Page Six, duh. On the plus side, they feel I'm important enough to write about and you know how much the Ego enjoys being noticed. Again, it will all be untrue. Even the parts that are true, got it?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Because I can never get enough of me

And when Variety recognizes my greatness, all the better. SO what if Cleese wrote this? It took the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego to deliver the goods to your living rooms people. Recognize. That's all I'm asking. Kudos to Variety for posting the video too. Love ya babes.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

At least the New York Times likes me best.

Review of Football Night in America in the New York Times this morning. And there is the typical grumbling that our 99 hosts (and counting) are way too many. Keith Olbermann's Ego totally agrees. It should be more me, less them.
Hiring Patrick to reunite with Olbermann, his former “SportsCenter” anchormate, sounded like a perfect idea. Olbermann gave the program a needed bolt of energy last year, with his talent for highlight narration and bristling, funny commentary.
He likes me. He really, really likes me. And you know what? Keith Olbermann's Ego likes him for loving me.
Bringing Patrick and Olbermann together presents a bit of an issue because Olbermann has redefined himself as a solo political broadcaster on MSNBC. Whatever you think of his clear leanings in the presidential race, he is a fascinating, dangerous showman whose expressive face needs to be seen more often than highlight narration allows.
Take note Dick Ebersol. The NYT wants to see more of me, me, me, me and less of everyone else. Did I mention how much I really, really, really like this guy from the NYT?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Do you know why the market crashes

do not concern Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego? I mean other than the fact that KOE pulls down over 4M a year? Because I have all my money in baseball cards.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

In honor of Friday night's Countdown

For those of you who were somewhat taken aback by the content matter of Friday night's show. Because if you can't love yourself who else can you love?

Very Funny Rachel.

So Rachel Maddow thinks she's being cute.
In a Rolling Stone interview she was asked where she'd sit if she had to take a taxi to the airport with colleagues Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews, she quips: "Well, I assume that Keith would drive."
Okay everyone knows that I can't really drive (long story involving a subway car and my big, enormous head). But at least Rachel is smart enough to know who drives MSNBC. That's me and my massive ego baby. And she (and everyone else) better not ever forget it.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Boot Brokaw? I'm all for it.

Ha ha ha ha. My minions are hard at work. And the best part of it all? I didn't have to say a word. That'll teach Tom Brokaw to mess with the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego.

They say imitation is the sincerest form

of flattery but somehow I'm annoyed that Campbell Brown now thinks she can morph herself into moi and somehow gain ratings for her pathetic little news hour. Still, I was mentioned in the article so that pleases me. I can never get enough of me.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Enough already.

If I have to read one more article about everyone's favorite Lesbian, Rachel Maddow I'm going to throw up. What about me? What about my ego? It must be fed dammit. Where is the press love for me? I used to be everyone's darling. And you know what really blows? That these glowing articles about Rachel (trust me she ain't all that) don't mention me or give me all the credit for her success, as they should. Because without me? She's nothing.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Uh-oh. You know what this means?

Do you know what this means? That I better get paid. That's what it means. No pay, no me. No me, no viewers. No viewers, no ratings. No ratings? Then they are in even deeper doo than they are now. So please, do your part. Buy GE stock now and lots of it. Do it for me, Keith Olbermann's ego. Why? So I can continue to pull down $4M plus a year. I have a Park Avenue apartment to pay for and a girlfriend who has expensive tastes.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tom Brokaw: Idiot

So at last Tom Brokaw admits that he had me canned reassigned.
In an interview...Mr. Brokaw said..he had “advocated” within the executive suite of NBC News to modify the anchor duties of the MSNBC hosts Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews on election night and on nights when there were presidential debates. Their expressions of strong political opinions from the MSNBC anchor desk has run counter to the more traditional role Mr. Brokaw played on “NBC Nightly News” for more than two decades.
See this is the problem with Tom "Idiot" Brokaw right there. He's trying to hold onto a model that is over 20 years old (as opposed to holding onto a 20-year old model which is a totally different thing). No less than Phil Griffin, the president of MSNBC called Countdown a model for the newscast of the future. I'm hip and happening baby! Tom is not. 'Nuff said.
“Keith is an articulate guy who writes well and doesn’t make his arguments in a ‘So’s your old mother’ kind of way,” Mr. Brokaw said. “The mistake was to think he could fill both roles. The other mistake was to think he wouldn’t be tempted to use the anchor position to engage in commentary. That’s who he is.”
And people love me for it Tom. You still don't get it.
Mr. Brokaw is 68 now, and the strain of a frenetic travel and work schedule appears to show in ways it did not before. At times on “Meet the Press” or on “Today” in recent weeks, Mr. Brokaw’s eyes have appeared to be mere slits and he has seemed short of breath. “My daughters will say I look tired,” he said. Asked if he was exhausted, he said: “Yeah, a little bit. Who wouldn’t be?”
See? Tom Brokaw is old. He doesn't understand the world of television news today. I do. And I am the future of television news. And that's why I am loved, adored, and worshiped. As it should be. the kids love me. Tom Brokaw isn't smart enough to get the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. Tom do yourself a favor and go back to Idaho or Wyoming or Nebraska or wherever it is that you have your little log cabin Tom and retire already. We here at MSKONBC will do just fine without you.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Okay so it's not about me

but it's about my creation. While I can't deny I'd much prefer it if this entire article was about me, praising me (as all articles should), at least I'm mentioned, prominently.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Songs from Keith Olbermann's Ego's IPod

I'd actually like this song a whole lot more if it was about me. But still, this fine band had the foresight and wisdom to put me in their musical video. And who is that guy sitting beside me? I have no idea.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Oh that Time Magazine.

Such a kidder. Actually these comments were from one of Time's readers, but still. They mock me. Kinda. I did like the part where they mocked the rest of the NBC-MSNBC crew though. Kinda.
Each candidate will play it safe, trot out a new zinger or catch phrase or two, McCain will declare that 'we're winning, my friends!" forty or fifty times. Tom Brokaw will declare that McCain reassured Americans that he is still "the old fighter pilot". Keith Olbermann will push Brokaw's buttons, Chris Matthews will wander off into the rhetorical weeds and stop just short of saying that McCain is unfit to be president, and cross the line of saying "regular white Americans" still feel they don't know Barack Obama. Pat Buchanan will declare in muted, coded semi-shrieks that the Negroes are coming, and Rachel Maddow will point out, too subtly for anyone in the studio but Olberman to catch, that Paddy B is deranged racist.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

So this is what she does when I'm not around.

So now I know what Miss Katy Tur does while I'm working. Thanks to DSKO for the link.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Reasons why Conan O'Brien sucks.

Because he mocks the greatness that is Keith Olbermann and MSKONBC. David Letterman? David Letterman is the best late night talk show in the history of the medium. Why? Because he recognizes the genius that is Keith Olbermann's ego.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

What's more important? News or baseball?

Stupid question. The answer is always, always, always baseball.

Maher? Lay down the bong.

So Bill Maher says we've never met. Bill you really need to lay down the bong because it's starting to impair your memory. Not only have we met, I was on your show in 2000. And we talked about......yeah, you guessed it, both being Cornell grads. Seriously, how could anyone forget meeting the greatness that is Keith Olbermann? Has to be the drug haze surrounding Maher.

Monday, September 22, 2008

They say that imitation

is the sincerest form of flattery. And Keith Olbermann's ego loves flattery and lots of it. But somehow this does not amuse me. Just a warning: Mock me at your own risk.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Things I love the Most

The Yankees and Myself. Pop Quiz: Count how many times I talk about myself in this article.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I Love Kos almost as much as I love me.

Because they let me blog there. And I get to respond to my critics just like I do on Countdown. And just so the haters will now,
"Since she (Rachel) started, my ratings are up 50-75%. It doesn't matter who has more on a given night. I'll be the one applauding loudest if she gets more every night.
Okay that last part? Totally a lie. Bitch better watch her step. She needs to recognize who's Alpha Dog, Sir MSKONBC, Lord of the Cable News Anchors and she better not forget it. and just in case she does, I'll blog again at Kos and explain what ratings really mean which is whatever I want them to. Got it?

I'd like to thank the Academy................

So Forbes has decided to have a little fun at my expense.
While "WWE Smackdown!" has never been an Emmy contender, my special Smackdown Emmy has been earned by NBC News and its fractious former co-anchors for MSNBC's convention coverage. Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews played host to partisan dust-ups, back-and-forth bickering, and outstanding achievement in embarrassing the news division before they were abruptly reassigned as commentators for the rest of the campaign. And all without benefit of steroids or spandex!
But you know what? I'm having more fun because I get to deliver an Emmy Speech. It goes something like this "I'd like to thank the Academy for recognizing my brilliance. I'd thank my agent but honestly I do all the heavy lifting myself. I'd thank my staff and crew but let's get serious here. It's an honor for them to work with me. I'd thank Phil Griffin but everyone knows he's my butt boy already and I walk all over him on a daily basis. And the suits at NBC-Uni? Don't even get me started. Where was I? Oh yeah, thank yous. Yeah, let me thank what's her name--seriously....what's her name again? Oh yeah, Katy. But it's not like she had anything to do with this award. So who does that leave? Yep. Me. It's always, always, always all about me. As it should be. So thanks Academy. I can't say I didn't earn this because I totally did. I just want to know why it took you so long to note my brilliance to begin with.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Time to Banish Morning Joe

WTF? "Good things happen to GOOD people?" What the hell does that slimeball Scarborough mean by that little cutting comment? I'm not only good, I'm great. I'm the greatest anchorman in the history of MSNBC the world. Oh. They weren't talking about that kind of great. They were literally talking about being a good person. Who the hell cares about that kind of crap? What matters is greatness, not goodness and I am greatness personified. And so what if the little morning Joe folks just think Rachel is adorable. Now you know why I called Scarborough on his shoveling for McLame because he's totally full of it. How does that make me a bad person for pointing out that he's a bullshit artist? Dont these idiots understand I run own KONBC? Decisions. Decisions. Where can I banish these no-talent idiots to? You'd think morning on MSNBC would be banishment enough for them. Losers.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

This better not be a trend.

So I'm not liking the looks of this. I gave her that show and she better not forget it. More importantly, she needs to make sure that this doesn't become a regular occurrence. Oh sure I can and will take complete credit for her success but I just don't want her doing better than me. Or then it will be RMNBC not KONBC and I have a real problem with that.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Jeff Zucker is a tool

but he can spin like a top. I like that in a network executive. Particularly when the network executive in question likes loves me.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Another vote for KONBC

I'm really beginning to embrace the sound of this. I've already talked them into lots of repeats of me. I loves me some me after all and of course the viewers do too. So why not extend this out a bit? Replay the Football Night in America show from Sunday Night on a continuous loop in the overnight hours. It's have to be better than the "Red Eye" shit that FNC puts on in the middle of the night, right?

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Lou Dobbs is an Idiot. And so is his wife.

I haven't liked Lou Dobbs since I first worked with the a-hole back at CNN. But seriously when did he become Dr. F'ing Phil? I'm "hanging on by a highly medicated thread?" All I have to say to MISTER Dobbs is this: At least my wife doesn't parade around airports with handguns. Okay, so technically I don't have a wife, but if I did, she wouldn't go to airports with guns.

Five Myths about Me? I'm a Legend, not a Myth.

Listen son, I do not appreciate this article. And for one simple reason which precluded me from even bothering to read the damn thing. The title says I was demoted. We all know I was not demoted. I was R-E-A-S-S-I-G-N-E-D. Big Difference. Huge. But not as huge as the genius that is me.

Seriously. Enough.

I don't know whether Keith Olbermann's Immense Ego should be happy or upset that people are continuing to write about me. Okay, fine. I can't fool my faithful readers can I? You know me. The "real" me. And God knows I love some attention. Any kind of attention. Even when it's this kind.
Don't trust anybody, especially if they agree with you, because sooner or later, they'll let you down. They'll make your brain bleed and your intestines burn with embarrassment, kind of like when you carry a torch for that special girl, only to discover she's out of reach. I'm feeling that discomfort and embarrassment after watching Keith Olbermann the past month. His politics are fine, but his credibility is in the toilet.
You know what embarasses me? This guy's writing style. And that brain bleed buddy is obviously what's causing your intense lack of intelligent thought in this stupid article you wrote which is absolutely pointless. Got it? Pointless. My credibility is beyond reproach. How dare this idiot suggest otherwise. There's more contrived crap there written by this dweeb but really, don't bother reading it. It's not worth your time. Or my attention. Even if it is about me, which as I'll freely admit, I do enjoy seeing my name in print or on the internets. Now I'm totally down with the fine suggestion of Broadcasting & Cable who has come up with the novel suggestion of completely seperating MSNBC from NBC. I've already come up with that suggestion myself. I run the network after all, they might as well rename it after me: KONBC. Is that great or what?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Please stop asking me why

it's okay that MSNBC showed images of 9/11 today when I said 2 days ago that no responsible newsroom still showed those images anymore in my latest Special Comment. It's just is okay? And it is if I say it is and that's really all you need to know. Did I tell you that I got a really big raise from MSNBC? The two aren't connected I swear.

Jon Stewart Sucks.

According to this, he is the reason that Matthews and I were R-E-A-S-S-I-G-N-E-D. You see, he mocked us. I for one did not appreciate the mockery. But of course, as you all know by now, the actual R-E-A-S-S-I-G-N-M-E-N-T was all my idea. Because Now I can say whatever the hell I want to about anyone, anytime--okay, technically, I was doing that anyway but now it's going to be off-the chain (Katy taught me that phrase. I'm hip aren't I? That's one more justification for keeping her around. It keeps me hip and happening and down-with-the-"in" lingo". Anyway, Jon Stewart mocked me. Prepare to meet your maker Stewart--it's ON!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Ahhhh. More great press.

They love me. They really love me. And why wouldn't they? I am greatness personified even when it's doing something so trivial as football highlights. It would be better if it were baseball highlights but whatever, praise is praise and I love it that this guy, this astute writer, no doubt a very intelligent man (but not as intelligenet as the genius that is me) gets me. And loves me. I am the GOLD STANDARD people. Use that phrase as often as possible about me from now on in your conversations about me. And of course you frequently talk about me. Because I'm me and I am GOLDEN.

Remember all those nasty things I said about Jossip?

I apologize. No, wait. What was I thinking? I don't do apologies. Ever. The Ego never, ever apologizes. I just find new people to blame stuff on. Where was I? Oh yeah, Jossip. You know why they are now on the "like" list? Because of this. Lord of MSNBC? I like it. No, I love it. Lord Olbermann. I wonder if an Estate comes with that? Oh right. I don't need one. I live in a Penthouse on Park Avenue that the likes of you poor souls could never, ever afford. As it should be. Because only a super-deluxe crib will do for the Ego. That's Lord Ego to you people.

And you know why her ratings were good?

Because she is my protege. 'Nuff said.

*Spelling corrected by Marinara because sometimes, even Keith Olbermann's Ego needs a spell-checker.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Money can't buy happiness

and really who wants to be happy anyway? It's all about pain relief people. And what eases the pain best of all? A raise.

Atta Boy Phil

My bitch
Phil Griffin is back on task. Griffin insisted that external pressures did not force the change. Rather, he said, it was a discussion initiated last week by Olbermann, who told him he felt uncomfortably constrained after the Republicans aired a video about the victims of the Sept. 11 attacks during their convention.
See? Told you it was all my idea to R-E-A-S-S-I-G-N me to analyst.

I just can't keep up with all the press I'm getting

You know what this means? People KNOW who I am. And they care deeply about me. I mean sure, a lot of them seem to have a lot of mean, hateful things to say about me but screw it, they at least know who I am, the greatness that is Keith Olbermann's Ego and isn't that what's really important here? Just between me and you though? I could do with all this talk about "demotion". It's not a demotion, it's a "reassignment". Got it? R-E-A-S-S-I-G-N-M-E-N-T not the "demotion" word. And if you don't believe me (and why wouldn't you believe me? I'm me, after all) then listen to my bitch Phil Griffin as he explains it all to those who can't grasp the obvious.
MSNBC president Phil Griffin told The Hollywood Reporter that the channel made the decision Thursday night after re-evaluating the wisdom of having the two of them anchoring the coverage while at the same time giving opinions. He said the network decided it was better not having them feel like they have to restrain themselves. "If you move two feet over (from the anchor desk), you can say whatever you want virtually at the same time," he said.
Actually Phil I've always said what I wanted but that's beside the point. Now I'm completely unleashed. As it should be.

Monday, September 8, 2008

It was all MY idea.

Yeah, that's the ticket. It was my idea. Who really wanted to anchor anyway? Not me.
Olbermann and Matthews will remain as analysts during major political events, and officials at both networks, who declined to be identified discussing personnel moves, said Olbermann had initiated the discussions to clarify his role
. Okay, so I was the source, but still.
They said Olbermann's influence at MSNBC would in no way be diminished and that the shift would enable him and Matthews to offer more candid analysis during live coverage.
And by "they" they mean me. And yes, I'll be candid. Very candid.
Olbermann confirmed yesterday he had initiated the discussions. "Phil and I have debated this set-up since late winter/early spring (with me saying, 'Are you sure this flies?' and him saying, 'Yes, but let's judge it event by event') and I think we both reached the same point during the RNC," Olbermann said by e-mail.
So there you have it. I demoted myself. And if I say that's what happened, that's what happened, okay?

I really, really, really hate Jossip

How many ways do I hate Jossip? As high as I can count and that's a lot because I'm brilliant. Did you know I went to Cornell and that I graduated from high school when I was 16? Now you do if you didn't already. Where was I? Oh yeah, Jossip. Hate 'em. Really, really hate them. But this one is kinda making me laugh. Hee hee. The staff is pissed at my bitch Phil Griffin. Now they know how I feel.
MSNBC staffers didn't appreciate waking up this morning to read the latest company fumble in the New York Times instead of, say, a staff email or memo from topper Phil Griffin. That's just the latest in a string of complaints reaching us from across NBC News' bureaus following the revelation that Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews would no longer be manning the anchor chair during hard news events; instead, they'll once again return to the pundit circle. Part of the announcement was that David Gregory would be playing center square, turning to O+M for their analysis while he moderates the hard news during the presidential debates and election night returns. And that's the other sticking point for NBC News staffers: Nobody wants Gregory in that role, according the temperature our sources have taken inside the network. "The Phil [Griffin] management style has infuriated people who aren't even fans of Olbermann," says one spy. Gregory's own 6pm Race To The White House has been a ratings dud, and while Olbermann and Matthews have kept MSNBC's ratings alive, many fear Gregory will tank that progress. Staffers are cheering for the home team, but find it hard when the guy making the calls is Griffin.
Phil was never actually making the calls. I was. I run the network. I own the network. I AM the network. Why can't people just accept that and move on? But at least they hate Gregory as much as I do. Hee hee.

TV Newser has turned on me too.

First the Times. Now TV Newser. Apparently they could not resist the temptation to mock me either.
TVNewser talked with several NBC and MSNBC insiders for their reaction and what the mood is like today. The comments range from 'it needed to happen' to asking, 'what's next?' An NBC News executive believes the Olbermann-Matthews pairing was dicey almost from the start — "It evolved into the monster that it is, and no one was minding the image," says the executive. "They banked on the team to do the events, and little by little the slippery slope lost its ground." An NBC News correspondent told us, it was "a move that needed to happen. There was a perception in the political world that what was going on at MSNBC was bleeding over into NBC News. It was an easy front for the GOP to exploit and thus a shake-up needed to happen." "It's important to note that we don't see this as a diminishing of Keith and Chris' role," says the insider. "They're still going to be front and center, it's just that we're adding David to the mix as anchor."
If I find out that little dweeb Phil gave this quote without my authorization he'll be sweeping floors at the network when I'm done with him.

In Washington, home base for 11-year MSNBC veteran Matthews, the perception is that he has become the fall guy. "There's a real sense of unfairness that Chris is being made to pay for Keith's behavior. As for the future, the NBC News exec tells us, "From an executive level, I don't know what they're thinking. Is Gregory the answer? Who knows? But there's a lot at stake." MSNBC decision-makers are also quick to make clear that Olbermann is still the anchor for big news stories, just not politics.
Screw Matthews-he's out of here in a year anyway. What about ME? What about MY Pain???

And now sadly Wonkette has joined the battle

This is really wounding me, Keith Olbermann's Ego. Wonkette is just way over the top. Is this really necessary?
Due to not watching much teevee your Wonkette editors were generally spared the spectacular series of meltdowns Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann enjoyed during the conventions, but we understand it was pretty nuts: catty hand gestures and bickering like old lesbians and finally Keith Olbermann refusing to go to St. Paul for fear he would be “assassinated.” Now we can all breathe a sigh of relief because they will not be anchoring the debates or election night for MSNBC.Chris Matthews will always have a special place in this editor’s heart because he is such a genuine political dork who actually knows something about American history. Keith Olbermann is a humorless gasbag who can eat a dick.
They must have me confused with Anderson Cooper or Shep Smith. And anyone who likes Chris Matthews more than me? Idiots.

Thank God. Gawker Gets It!

Gawker gets it.
So, MSNBC President Phil Griffin, be a fucking man for once and hold your ground against Zucker and NBC News President Steve Capus and even Original Blowhard Tom Brokaw (seriously, why did the act of "retiring" bestow respectability upon that hack?). If people wanted Brian Williams and David Gregory to cover everything quietly and politely they'd actually watch your evening news. Scarborough, Olbermann, Matthews, and Maddow are the best of cable this year, because of their unique ability to annoy the shit out of each other and also to generally know what the fuck they're talking about, which is basically unheard of on television, let alone cable news.

New York Magazine: Screw 'em Too

Long-time haters. And really, who honestly reads magazines anymore anyway? No wonder they have to resort to posting this crap about me on the internets.
They gave them a chance. But they could not get along. After weeks of on-air squabbles, and amid accusations of political bias (such as the chants of "NBC! NBC!" that erupted during Sarah Palin's speech the other night), MSNBC has taken lightning rods Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann away from prime-time coverage of the presidential election, remanded them back to their own shows, and replaced them with a more sanguine host, reporter David Gregory — much to the relief of those at NBC who felt the duo's antics were compromising the news organization as a whole. If this were a buddy movie, longtime rivals Matthews and Olbermann would, in exile, find a bond in being punished together. With no one else around to understand the specific pain of being demoted from the most exciting election like, ever, they would form a friendship, overcome their flaws as human beings, and eventually return stronger than ever.But in reality these guys are just going to retire to their respective pastures and keep talking and gobbling up money until they disgrace themselves or die. Which wouldn't be a very good movie at all.
This ain't no movie pal. It's real life. And I'm not going anywhere. My Ego is too massive to be contained which is why I will now be allowed to freely roam and say whatever the hell I want to as I provide my analysis.

What does the Columbia Journalism Review Know about Journalism Anyway?

What of viewers? How will what looks like a neat and tidy (re)adjustment from MSNBC’s point of view (ok, “experiment” over, back to one head, one hat around here — and for Matthews and Olbermann, that’s the analyst hat, not the anchor/straight news hat) translate for viewers? Will confusion persist? Will viewers even notice, if they’re still getting “analysis” from Olbermann and Matthews alongside “straight reporting” from Gregory? Once blurred, can “the line” really be un-blurred?
Didn't they get the quotes I gave to the NYT and the Washington Post about this? It was all my idea. Idiots. They lack even simple reading comprehension skills.

Conde Nast is Nasty

Portfolio does not like me. I'm not wild about them either. Some of the lies they have chosen to print about the Greatness that is Keith Olbermann's EGO can be found here.
MSNBC has finally come to its senses and taken Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews off anchor duty -- and Olbermann's reaction perfectly illustrates why it was necessary to do so. MSNBC president Phil Griffin has said this arrangement worked because the two men "put on different hats" to anchor straight news coverage. But no one seems to have briefed Olbermann on the whole hat-switching thing. He capped off two weeks of embarrassing convention hijinx by launching into a lecture on Thursday night after the Republican National Convention featured a tribute to the victims of 9/11. Olbermann decreed the video "inappropriate" and exploitative. Olbermann claims he initiated the conversation about taking himself out of the anchor chair -- but he also tells the Times, "I found it ironic and instructive that I could have easily said exactly what I did say, exactly when I did say it, if I had been wearing a different hat, and nobody would have taken any issue." But there's nothing the least bit ironic about it, and if it was "instructive" then Olbermann knows frighteningly little about his chosen profession. The divide between news and editorial is one of the fundamentals of journalism. Some people are able to move back and forth across that divide, taking care not to allow their personal views to color their news reportage. Olbermann is evidently not one of those people. Incidentally, the Times says Olbermann has three years left on his contract, and NBC wants to re-up it through 2013. Here's a prediction: No way is Olbermann still at MSNBC in five years. This is a guy who loves to leave jobs in a mushroom cloud of righteous indignation. One or two more pirouettes by NBC management like the one that happened this weekend and he is out of there.
See? Lies. All lies. ALl of it. Every single word. I'll be there at MSNBC long after this idiot has been fired (and rightfully so) from Portfolio. Just you watch and see.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Et Tu New York Times?

I thought the NY Times loved me. Where's the love? Did they have to put this on the front page where everyone could see it?
After months of accusations of political bias and simmering animosity between MSNBC and its parent network NBC, the channel decided over the weekend that the NBC News correspondent and MSNBC host David Gregory would anchor news coverage of the coming debates and election night. Mr. Olbermann and Mr. Matthews will remain as analysts during the coverage.
Oh I'll analyze alright. I'll analyze like no one has ever analyzed before in the history of the medium.
Executives at the channel’s parent company, NBC Universal, had high hopes for MSNBC’s coverage of the political conventions. Instead, the coverage frequently descended into on-air squabbles between the anchors, embarrassing some workers at NBC’s news division, and quite possibly alienating viewers. Although MSNBC nearly doubled its total audience compared with the 2004 conventions, its competitive position did not improve, as it remained in last place among the broadcast and cable news networks.
Look, we kicked ass in the ratings as compared to 2004. What more do these idiots want? And fights? Yeah, sure we fought. But people wanted to see the fights. It was part of the entertainment. Why couldn't people just get that? And those whiny ass NBC folks? They can kiss my ass. Really. I want them to kiss my ass. Repeatedly. Okay, sure that may have been part of the problem. But who's more important? Them or me? That's right. ME. Except maybe not so much at least until November. Then I'll be back off-leash and ready to rumble. And who will I come looking for first? Those whiny-ass NBCers. That's right Brokaw. You're on the list. So is Williams. And Gregory? Don't make me laugh. Looks like Howdy Dowdy's love child with Anderson Cooper.I have to say though I did get a laugh off of one thing in this so-called news article. A perfect example of what happens when the Mouth gives unauthorized quotes and doesn't let the EGO speak, nonsense like this:
“I found it ironic and instructive that I could have easily said exactly what I did say, exactly when I did say it, if I had been wearing a different hat, and nobody would have taken any issue,” he said.
Can I get a translator or three in here, stat? Hell, even I can't translate that one. Update: The Mouth tells me it didn't give this quote. The Ass was in charge of spitting out that quote. That certainly helps explain it but I still can't translate it.
Some staff members said the tension led to the network’s decision to keep Mr. Olbermann in New York for the Republican convention, after he ran the desk in Denver during the Democratic convention. MSNBC said that he stayed in New York to anchor coverage of Hurricane Gustav. But some workers say there were other reasons — namely, that Mr. Olbermann was concerned about his safety in St. Paul, given the loud crowds at MSNBC’s set in Denver.
Look, I don't even like crowds when they're friendly. The EGO does not mingle with the common folk. Did they really think I was going to endanger life and limb by diving into a GOP-centric audience? Why would they want to damage their STAR Anchor? Okay sure some wanted to see me torn limb from limb but that was just Scarborough and Abrams. Losers. Oh and one more thing? For all you haters who think that NBC doesn't love me anymore? Check it out babies:
Just last year, Mr. Olbermann signed a four-year, $4-million-a-year contract with MSNBC. NBC is close to supplementing that contract with Mr. Olbermann, extending his deal through 2013 — and ensuring that he will be on MSNBC through the next election.
That's right. The EGO roars again. Just had to let everyone know that I'll be live and large on your tv screen straight through to 2013. Sure NBC doesn't like it. Hell, most of MSNBC doesn't like it. But you know what? I make so damn much money I can buy and sell them all. So life is still good for me. And that's really all that matters, right?

Yeah that's right.

$4 million for 2 years. That's what my contract says. Raise your hand if you heard me lay that little bit of knowledge on Patrick tonight. Punk ass had it coming. I had to let him know just how important I am. But he should know that already right? Nothing like a preemptive strike though to let him know I rule.

The NY Daily News? Dead to me now too.

So this wise-ass punk from the NY Daily News has decided that I'm too partisan to cover football highlights. It's football people? How can I talk about politics in the middle of a football game? That's my story and I'm sticking to it no matter how much the haters hate on me. I can multitask and they're just envious because they can't.
Olbermann is either hated (that may not be a strong enough word) or loved. There is no middle ground. People who enjoy having something to complain about watch. So do sycophants who would not pass up the chance to kiss Olbermann's fanny.
He says sycophants like it's a bad thing. And we all know how much I enjoy having my ass kissed, so at least he's right on that score.
The haters who watch “Football Night In America” won't relate to Olbermann as just another schlub voicing over highlights. They may even tune out in disgust. Guess NBC Sports boss Dick Ebersol does not care about losing viewers on an hour-long program that ain't exactly a ratings juggernaut.
Football always trumps politics. Maybe someone will turn down the sound, they might switch the channel, but they'll always come back. And why? Because they love me. And football. Mostly football but still. I am loved. And hated. And even the haters will tune in. Why? Because they love to hate. See, it's all about the love.
Even if you subscribe to Olbermann's political agenda, the following thought might still occur: Doesn't he have something more important to do? Shouldn't Olbermann be preparing for his interview tomorrow night with Barack Obama rather than providing comprehensive analysis on Chad Johnnson changing his name to Chad Ocho Cinco?
He got that part right. Jesus if I had a dime for every time the Kos Crowd wanted me to talk about their little pet issues. And don't even get me started on the 9/11 Truth Conspiracy Whackjobs. I just wish they'd all cut me a break so I could concentrate on what's really important to me: me and what I want to talk about. Or not talk about. Is that really too much to ask?
Since Olbermann's focus is politricks, there is a perception that he couldn't care less, that these Sunday night trips to NBC's football studio amount to Olbermann's version of slumming, that he also digs descending from the mountain top to hang in the playpen with Patrick, Rapping Roberto, Collinsworth, The Bus and Tiki. Football fans see through this stuff. They know when someone cares more about the Electoral College than what college Keyunta Dawson attended.
Politricks. Very funny. Leave the wordsmithing to me, okay pal? And by pal I mean "my new and latest addition to my enemy list". I care about the Electoral College and Football. Not as much as I care about me or baseball, but it's right up there.Really.
The business end of this makes no sense either. Olbermann's “Countdown” show has gotten major buzz for buzz-challenged MSNBC. Olbermann is a brand. Why inject confusion into the mix by putting him on a football show? Unless, of course, Olbermann is calling the shot here.
Shows you how much this asshat knows. That's why he's a newspaper flack and as we all know, newspapers are a losing business these days. Where was I? Oh yeah, this idiot has no business sense when it comes to television. It's about E-X-P-O-S-U-R-E pal. My ratings went up after last season's FNIA gigs and it'll go up more this year. The more people see me the more they want of me, Keith Olbermann's Massive Ego. Duh.
He has taken on an Anchor Monster persona. If he chooses to, Olbermann probably could get away with putting a verbal hit on McCain in between replays of quarterback sacks. Hey, the jive-time spin NBC and MSNBC suits put out when Olbermann remained in New York, rather than anchoring from the Republican Convention in Minny, provided ample evidence of just how long a leash this cat is on. It would not have been surprising if the suits said Olbermann stayed home because he was busy rehearsing for “Football Night In America.” A show that certainly could — and should — live without him.
Hee hee. Anchor Monster. I kinda like the sound of that. I am the anchor of all anchors after all. Note to self: Steal that line and use it again. Repeatedly. Do not give credit for it to this idiot-jerk however. Again-where was I? Oh yeah. Of course I have a long leash. I own MSNBC baby. And now I'm staking my claim on NBC Sports. It's only a matter of time before my master plan is in play and I own the entire damn network. Got a problem with that NY Daily News idiot? You should because once I'm king of NBC you won't even be allowed to watch the greatness that is me, Keith Olbermann's Ego. And he won't admit it but guess what? He'll be watching right along with the rest of you tonight. And that's how I get the last word and the last laugh on my critics (who are all secretly and not-so-secretly envious of me.) As it should be.