I'm Keith Olbermann's ego and I'm here to tell the internets just how wonderful I am. But you already knew that right?
Friday, May 29, 2009
This is so sweet!
Look everybody, there's no need to actually watch Countdown for one of Keith's trademark "Special Comments" anymore, you can now generate your own! Pretty funny huh?
6 comments:
marinara
said...
That site sucks. The other letter generators I've seen ask you to choose your own words to fill in a blank. Then the letter generates, and it is a surprise--the first time, anyway.
This cheap ass site uses drop-down boxes where you get to pick from a really short list of words already chosen for you, and the stupid "rant" is already written, so there's no surprise. Dull, unimaginative and not worthy of mention.
I thought it was pretty funny and very good satire. There a number of good satirical blog posts there as well. If it's a conservative site, its one of the best in terms of an understanding of satire. (repubs aren't known for having a sense of irony, let alone, humor). I do love his tagline: 'satire, lovingly written and shoved up the ass of culture.' Thanks for the link Ego!
I'll check out that site again, Marcia, but I was only talking about the stupid letter "generator". Compare it to the complaint letter generator, or the conspiracy theory generator, you'll see what I mean.
People, please, FOCUS. The Ego needs defending from those vicious right-wing thugs over at Gawker. Where are your priorities? Remember, they should begin and end with The Ego.
Alright, I'll give this thing a crack. I have to insert something that needs no special comment. Something so stupid that it should be ignored except it's getting big time play on the conservative blogs. (Note: this is not my words. It's from an chicken anonymous poster. I don't believe it, just sharing it because it's so stupid.)
It's called: History 101
For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
Mr. Ego, can you have Keith do a WTF segment on this? Or is it too silly to even address it? The problem is that it is in all of the conservative blogs and they actually think it's funny! Whatever I suppose.
6 comments:
That site sucks. The other letter generators I've seen ask you to choose your own words to fill in a blank. Then the letter generates, and it is a surprise--the first time, anyway.
This cheap ass site uses drop-down boxes where you get to pick from a really short list of words already chosen for you, and the stupid "rant" is already written, so there's no surprise. Dull, unimaginative and not worthy of mention.
I thought it was pretty funny and very good satire. There a number of good satirical blog posts there as well. If it's a conservative site, its one of the best in terms of an understanding of satire. (repubs aren't known for having a sense of irony, let alone, humor). I do love his tagline: 'satire, lovingly written and shoved up the ass of culture.' Thanks for the link Ego!
I'll check out that site again, Marcia, but I was only talking about the stupid letter "generator". Compare it to the complaint letter generator, or the conspiracy theory generator, you'll see what I mean.
People, please, FOCUS. The Ego needs defending from those vicious right-wing thugs over at Gawker. Where are your priorities? Remember, they should begin and end with The Ego.
Alright, I'll give this thing a crack. I have to insert something that needs no special comment. Something so stupid that it should be ignored except it's getting big time play on the conservative blogs. (Note: this is not my words. It's from an chicken anonymous poster. I don't believe it, just sharing it because it's so stupid.)
It's called: History 101
For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self.
Mr. Ego, can you have Keith do a WTF segment on this? Or is it too silly to even address it? The problem is that it is in all of the conservative blogs and they actually think it's funny! Whatever I suppose.
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